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Old 04-01-2016, 11:28 AM
 
Location: the Permian Basin
4,094 posts, read 2,826,776 times
Reputation: 5665

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
Well if your girlfriend "constantly makes excuses" and "doesn't punish", you have your answer.
OP, why do you choose to stay with a woman who neglects her child? I don't even know you, and I think you deserve a better woman than that.

You have no power whatsoever in this situation; there is nothing you can do to make it better. Therefore, you should walk away and never look back.
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Old 04-01-2016, 12:09 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Upstate NY!
13,819 posts, read 24,568,533 times
Reputation: 7615
Let your girlfriend take all the risk of getting killed by this monster when he grows older. She helped to create it.

If you want the same, then stick with her. Otherwise...go out the store to pick up some milk...and never go back home.

Whether you are there or not, I see blood and carnage in their future.
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Old 04-01-2016, 12:54 PM
 
Location: CT
3,462 posts, read 1,699,241 times
Reputation: 4600
That relationship has waaaaaayyyyy too much baggage that comes with it, do yourself a favor even though it's painful, walk away. You're her sugar daddy, you'll support her when she isn't working, you're the shoulder she can cry on when she screws up her life, you'll be the babysitter when she can't find anyone else to watch her brat. You think you can change her and her son's life, you can't, now they're screwing up your life too. Can you let go?
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Old 04-01-2016, 06:34 PM
 
Location: South-Western USA , desert
442 posts, read 329,980 times
Reputation: 562
Quote:
Originally Posted by tangelag View Post
This behavior did not develop in a vacuum. This child has been abused. Get out now. But before you do try to convince mom to request he be tested by the school. This is a dire situation. I've been in special education for almost 40 years. Good luck.
I also think that that is quite likely.
Such children often misbehave in the worst of ways!
They are often threatened not to tell a soul, or their favorite pet or family member will be tortured &/or killed. And, the perps have been known to demonstrate how they intend to go about it on something, sometimes their favorite pet as an example of what they will do to their favorite family member. They will not admit they've been hurt when they believe they will be guilty of sharing in their death/s!

I may be wrong, but, CPS have been wrong on many occasions in the past, and could be again. . . .

"How to Protect Your Children"
How to Protect Your Children — Watchtower ONLINE LIBRARY
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Old 04-01-2016, 06:50 PM
 
4,752 posts, read 2,183,516 times
Reputation: 4335
Quote:
Originally Posted by tangelag View Post
This behavior did not develop in a vacuum. This child has been abused. Get out now. But before you do try to convince mom to request he be tested by the school. This is a dire situation. I've been in special education for almost 40 years. Good luck.
I think the child has been neglected from birth. Neglect seems to be a factor in the development of antisocial personality disorder. It starts with the child crying, as children do, and being ignored. Eventually, the child becomes despondent, having learned that no one is coming to help. The sociopath/psychopath (which is now rolled into sociopath) lacks empathy. In trying to understand why some people lack empathy, a study was done on early childhood neglect. There was a correlation. I don't have a link for this, but a study was done in England in roughly 1950 (study of the origins of sociopathic, psychopathic personality). The child develops new skills to get what he/she wants and needs (manipulation), and never develops empathy (total disregard for the suffering of others) - as it is something they did not experience in the crucial early childhood years.

A mother who is disinclined to discipline a seven year old has never been an attentive mother. It would be a mistake to have children with the mother of a child like that.
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Old 04-01-2016, 07:04 PM
 
4,752 posts, read 2,183,516 times
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You say that your girlfriend has been there for you when you suffered losses in the last couple of years. She has been a friend when you needed one, and you have been a friend when she needed one (helping her financially). This doesn't sound like an equal relationship, and it certainly doesn't sound like it has a future if what she needs most is money.

Step back - you don't need to break it off - but you can stipulate that you will only see her when she is not looking after her son, as clearly your presence does not contribute (you've said that she doesn't value your input regarding discipline). After taking that step back, you can look at your relationship with her (not her troubles), and make a rational decision as to whether you want to spend the next 15 years of your life dealing with her troubles, or whether you want a healthier life. Keep in mind that the child is a product of nature and nurture. He did not become who he is because he has a useless father. Many children with an absent or abusive parent fair well with one fit parent. Also, keep in mind that life is surprisingly short.
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Old 04-01-2016, 07:54 PM
 
4,554 posts, read 2,028,474 times
Reputation: 5980
Quote:
Originally Posted by Listener2307 View Post
Just wanted to say, not all of us buy into the "he must have been abused" theory. I have seen the worst kids come from the best families and the best kids come from the worst families.
Maybe so, but in THIS case, someone has abused the child if he is using such 'language'. He has clearly been placed in an environment where such language is present. THAT is abuse. Abuse covers a wide spectrum...the results are predictable.

I was recently a member of a team at a school where the 3-year-old sibling of the child we were accommodating in his special education program (no details, suffice it to say the damage from abuse to the older child is such that he is placed in an extensive educational setting). The 3-year-old abuses his mother by saying such things to her as "FYB!". (You figure it out.) He also hits her. Those are just a few of the behaviors. The family was horribly abused by the father, who is now 'out of the picture' for all intents and purposes. Three. years. old.

I could relate many such stories. For example, about 4 years ago I worked with 3-year-old twin girls. Prettiest little girls ever. What came out of their mouths when they were unwilling to comply was shocking. They were abused horribly (sexually, emotionally..) and I suspected that the abuse was on-going. It was such a mess. I couldn't take it. I left that position. Three. years. old!
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Old 04-01-2016, 08:08 PM
 
4,752 posts, read 2,183,516 times
Reputation: 4335
Quote:
Originally Posted by tangelag View Post
Maybe so, but in THIS case, someone has abused the child if he is using such 'language'. He has clearly been placed in an environment where such language is present. THAT is abuse. Abuse covers a wide spectrum...the results are predictable.

I was recently a member of a team at a school where the 3-year-old sibling of the child we were accommodating in his special education program (no details, suffice it to say the damage from abuse to the older child is such that he is placed in an extensive educational setting). The 3-year-old abuses his mother by saying such things to her as "FUB!". (You figure it out.) He also hits her. Those are just a few of the behaviors. The family was horribly abused by the father, who is now 'out of the picture' for all intents and purposes. Three. years. old.

I could relate many such stories. For example, about 4 years ago I worked with 3-year-old twin girls. Prettiest little girls ever. What came out of their mouths when they were unwilling to comply was shocking. They were abused horribly (sexually, emotionally..) and I suspected that the abuse was on-going. It was such a mess. I couldn't take it. I left that position. Three. years. old!
It's quite possible that the this neglected child came from a great family, where both parents were working and the child was left with a neglectful caregiver. There's no question that bad language comes from role model. If you say pardon me to a 10 month old child, that child will way "pardon me" at 18 months when they didn't hear properly, but if you say "what", that child will say "what". The same applies to undisciplined swearing.

Three years old is fixable. I would suggest telling the child that he has an opportunity to choose his own name, and that after choosing that name, he will have new behaviours. A study was done with the 12 year old son of a policeman who was apparently not properly socialized. After choosing a new name, he more or less forgot the memories of his previous self and became a new, and very successful, productive, self.
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Old 04-01-2016, 08:17 PM
 
4,554 posts, read 2,028,474 times
Reputation: 5980
Quote:
Originally Posted by carnivalday View Post
So how many posts and how many stories are you going to keep telling us, when all the posts have told you what a bad situation you are in. Either do something about your situation, or stop moaning about it.
Amen!
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Old 04-02-2016, 12:04 AM
 
Location: the Permian Basin
4,094 posts, read 2,826,776 times
Reputation: 5665
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lieneke View Post
It would be a mistake to have children with the mother of a child like that.
That's a major understatement!
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