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Old 02-13-2008, 10:19 AM
 
Location: appleton, wi
1,357 posts, read 4,952,313 times
Reputation: 615

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let me start out by saying i am the world's best dad . i've got two boys, 4 and 1 (well 21 months). i play with my kids all the time, definitely make enough time for them and all the rest of it. they're both well behaved, etc etc. couldn't ask for better kids. except...

that said, my 1 yr old is driving me bat**** crazy. most days he will cling to me for dear life. all day. put him down, he cries. well first i'll have to pry him off and then he cries. i'll hold him for literally 1 hour or more at a time and then try to put him down - then he cries. loud as freaking hell. if i try to cook dinner, he needs me to pick him up. same as if i want to sit and eat dinner. or clean. or do anything!! can't sit him with toys to play, some days he won't sit to eat by himself. you get it. and my poor 4 year old never gets any time with me cause the other one is constantly all over me.

kid's making me crazy. i don't know what to do. what do i do?
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Old 02-13-2008, 11:07 AM
 
Location: Wake Forest
934 posts, read 933,088 times
Reputation: 326
I have a 22 month old who is in his 'clingy' stage.

LEt him cry- if he learns now that he can get his way, you'll be doomed!

Theres times when I HAVE to do something and he just wants to be on me. After about 3 minutes of crying he goes and finds something else to do. at least for a few minutes, then its wash, rinse, repeat. lol
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Old 02-13-2008, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Oz
2,238 posts, read 8,699,111 times
Reputation: 1368
You're just reinforcing his bad behavior. He has to learn that there are times when he cannot just demand something and expect that it will be immediately fulfilled. My suggestion would be that when it's one of those times that you can't pick him up, find something for him to do that will "help daddy". If you're cleaning, give him a little broom or a rag and have him "clean" with you. If you're cooking give him a banana and a butter knife and have him chop up the banana. Distract him somehow without outright ignoring him and he'll get the message soon enough.
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Old 02-13-2008, 11:37 AM
 
Location: Burlington County NJ
1,969 posts, read 5,288,574 times
Reputation: 2657
I agree with the previous posters. Sounds like a bit of separation anxiety - completely normal for the age. Just try to distract him in other ways when your trying to do things. He'll get over it ....unless you give into it!!!!

Good luck!
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Old 02-13-2008, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Moon Over Palmettos
5,975 posts, read 17,147,909 times
Reputation: 4989
Great suggestion by Roamin. Better yet, involve the 4-year old too. That way you get daddy-sons time, and the boys get bro' time with each other. Make it a theme...if it's cooking, have some play dough out for them to make pretend pizzas for example. He just needs the security of seeing you. Don't let him get into the habit of being ON you or he'll turn into the permanent velcro baby soon enough.
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Old 02-13-2008, 02:01 PM
 
Location: appleton, wi
1,357 posts, read 4,952,313 times
Reputation: 615
well, here's the problem: if i put him down, he whacks his head against the ground in a fit of anger and then he's really got something to cry about! and he doesn't give up after a couple minutes either; he'll cry forever. believe me i'd rather let him cry and get the message. but you can't just let him cry for an hour let alone listen to it that long!!!
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Old 02-13-2008, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Burlington County NJ
1,969 posts, read 5,288,574 times
Reputation: 2657
Its definately more difficult when you get that kind of reaction - however - if you go and pick him up - all you are teaching him is that acting like that gets him what he wants. You can't give in to that. You can move him to a safer place. Put him in his crib maybe. He's almost 2 - you could even try time out - although that may not work for him. You can't keep letting him get away with though. For his sake. You have to find another way to give him your attention. Can you tell him that when "Daddy is all done we'll read a story" and you can hold him then? Or tell him you'll have time together in 15 minutes and set the timer so he has something to look at to remind him?

I know its hard to listen to him cry and behave like that - but listen - he'll get over it. He needs to know that there is no pay off for that. And its going to take time. Its not going to be easy....but you have to do it. I feel for you. Been there ...done that.....you can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 02-13-2008, 03:22 PM
 
Location: SD
896 posts, read 3,867,631 times
Reputation: 342
We exist in the same world! My 13 month old is behaving the same way including the tantrum on the floor hitting her head and face. She is the youngest of 4 and I've never had a child go through this before. I'm losing my mind half the time. I look forward to nap time all morning and bed time all evening.
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Old 02-13-2008, 04:11 PM
 
2,134 posts, read 3,411,901 times
Reputation: 602
I agree with the others.....You HAVE to start not giving in and picking him up. The sooner you deal with this the better. I think his issue is with not knowing how to self soothe. Every kid has to learn this, but it's harder for some.

Get some of those soft, squishy ear plugs. The best ones are sold at gun stores. They are orange and very comfortable. They block out 95% of noise...no kidding. If the kids are in the same room with you it's very effective.

You still can pick him up...just not when he demands it. If he starts to head bang, immediately go over to him, do not smile, pick him up quickly but don't hold him close or coo at him....then put him in an area where a few of his toys are and put one in his hand. Don't look at him, be cool and go back to what you are doing. Don't act mad, just detached. You really have to be consistant or it will get worse. Same way of training dogs...you have to do it every time or it actually reinforces the behavior!

Good luck. It's just something you both have to go through.
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Old 02-13-2008, 04:20 PM
 
Location: friendswood texas
2,489 posts, read 6,451,677 times
Reputation: 3061
Oh boy my middle son was a head banger too. My doc advised me not to fuss over it, that he was doing it for attention and to just ignore it. My doctor said that as long as he had practiced medicine he never had a kid knock himself out over banging his head. Stay strong it is just a stage and your little one will outgrow it.
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