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OP, I am so glad for you that you no longer have to worry about telling your parents exactly who you are. I think the fact that your dad says he accepts "you" would indicate to me that he will eventually accept all that your lifestyle entails, if he hasn't already. Good for mama for making this easier on you as well.
Coming out isn't what it was even 10 years ago, IMO. I wish you peace and happiness, and congratulations on your new move.
You did a brave thing, the right thing ... for better or worse you have opted for honesty and truth.
Kids coming out to their parents was, in my opinion, the "Great Secret Weapon" ("the Rainbow Atom Bomb") that changed America forever in the growing acceptance and political power of the LGBT community. Once gay people started coming out they were no longer mysterious or scary. Who could hate Anderson Cooper, Ellen Degeneres, Elton John, Neil Patrick Harris, Lily Tomlin, George Takei, Nell Carter, Sally Ride, or Margaret Cho???
Be true to yourself.
If someone cannot accept you for who you are - you don't need that person!
My father - a rather macho guy who was a high school athlete and served in the US Army - went all out to support his gay son. He and my Mom joined PFLAG. They befriended gay folks their own age. They went to gay fundraisers and events.
A few days ago I made the decision to come out to my parents. It's been about 2 years since I fully accepted myself for being homosexual (though it was a long process, starting around 6th grade, I'm now 23), so I finally felt ready to tell them. I felt that it was time because I'll be graduating college in June, moving to Las Vegas to get a start to building my career, and have also been involved with someone for the last 8 months. So I didn't want to drop this on them right before leaving and then not being there in person to answer any questions or basically help them through it.
However, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. For one, my parents (more so my dad) are very heavily conservative; which isn't to say that conservatives as a whole have anything against gay and lesbian people, it was just something I didn't feel comfortable telling them because I've heard some of the things my dad has had to say and it didn't exactly foster a welcoming environment, especially when I was a teenager. And secondly, I obviously came out to my friends, but I also told my grandparents before telling my parents.
Once I sat them down and told them, I anticipated that it would obviously be a surprise and that my dad would probably need more time to accept it than my mom, but I also know my parents and the fact that I held this from them for so long and even told other family members before them was going to hurt them the most. And I was right. But I accept responsibility of not being courageous enough to tell my parents, but I also think from my perspective and growing up hearing my dad say "f** this, f** that, gays shouldn't be able to get married or adopt kids," didn't make me want to tell them so soon.
However I was surprised to hear my mom almost immediately accept it, and she also admitted that she had some thoughts recently (mother's intuition ), and as expected, my dad is going to need some time. He told me that he accepts ME, but he doesn't know if he'll ever be ready to accept me being in a relationship with another man. I explained that I understand his need for time because it did come from nowhere for him, but I told him that I hope after he takes the time he needs, he recognizes that me wanting him to be involved how a parent should be when I meet someone that I want to bring home should trump his personal feelings on the homosexuality subject.
I suppose my overarching question as to why I posted this in the parenting forum is if anyone here has had their kids come out to them, and if so, is time really all that's needed? Or should I prepare myself to have a dad that chooses not to be a part of that aspect of my life?
I can't answer for myself, but I saw this happen through my brother and his son. My brother is a "he" man. He never really came out and said anything bad about gay people, but certainly never expected that HIS son would be. He hunted, fished, did all those "manly" things (according to his view) that his son was never interested in.
Yes, he was surprised (which is funny because the rest of the family suspected it from a young age), but after a time, he accepted that he LOVED his son regardless of who his son was in a relationship with. He still doesn't understand it, and I keep TELLING him to go a counseller who will explain everything to him about his son being born gay with nothing in his upbringing to "blame" it on. He is still seeking what or who is to blame. Maybe you can find someone in your area that your father can talk to about it? They just want to understand it.
If your father isn't a fire and brimstone nutcase, after a while he'll come around and accept everything, including your mate once he sees how happy you are.
Good luck and good for you for coming out before you left.
I can't answer for myself, but I saw this happen through my brother and his son. My brother is a "he" man. He never really came out and said anything bad about gay people, but certainly never expected that HIS son would be. He hunted, fished, did all those "manly" things (according to his view) that his son was never interested in.
Yes, he was surprised (which is funny because the rest of the family suspected it from a young age), but after a time, he accepted that he LOVED his son regardless of who his son was in a relationship with. He still doesn't understand it, and I keep TELLING him to go a counseller who will explain everything to him about his son being born gay with nothing in his upbringing to "blame" it on. He is still seeking what or who is to blame. Maybe you can find someone in your area that your father can talk to about it? They just want to understand it.
If your father isn't a fire and brimstone nutcase, after a while he'll come around and accept everything, including your mate once he sees how happy you are.
Good luck and good for you for coming out before you left.
Bolded mine.
Haha it seems like everyone in my family has a theory on why I'm gay. My dad blames it on me having a best friend when I was little. I had a best friend that I grew up with. He's got a wife and 2 kids nowadays. My mom is convinced she mothered me too much and turned me into a woman. I keep trying to tell her that I'm not trans and I have absolutely no intention of having a sex change. My sister thinks it's a phase that I will get over when I've grown up (I'm 30 now). My other sister thinks my long term partner is conning me. It's actually quite amusing.
My one best friend and I often joke that our parents are wasted on us. Because I'm not a very girly woman, my parents were convinced I was gay when I was in high school. I just like jeans, t-shirts, pickup trucks and dogs. My parents are both deeply flawed individuals who drive me nuts, but I love them deeply because despite being conservative Republicans and having a crappy marriage, they discussed my potential sexuality and jointly decided to love, accept and support me just as I was. (I often wonder if it was their decision to accept me no matter my sexuality that led me to become active in gay rights as a straight person.)
My best friend's parents are very happily married, but my best friend (like me) enjoys the single life and doesn't date. Her parents were very concerned that she was turned off of marriage, and they told her they hoped she would find the man or woman who would make her happy. It was so damn sweet.
Look, OP, you can't control what your dad does - you can only control what you do, and you conducted yourself very well. I'm sorry he's slow in coming around. Dan Savage suggests giving parents a year to accept the idea. But after that, you should feel free to confront them if they say insensitive things or treat you in a disrespectful or unfair way.
Hope for the best and give him every opportunity and benefit of the doubt. But if he starts to make you feel like crap, go ahead and distance yourself. Family is really just a biological accident, imo. As an adult, you don't need to accept treatment from them that you wouldn't accept from an unrelated person.
Christian parents can be very unpredictable. My boyfriend said his parents were all loving and all nurturing up to the moment he found himself on the streets. To this day, we still occasionally get a message in the answering machine from the mom telling us how we're going to hell. You'd think that after all these years after abandoning their son they'd come around to just leaving him alone. Some people...
I haven't given the issue a whole lot of thought but post #9 makes a lot of sense to me on an intuitive level. Do straight people "come out" as straight?
I'm a firm believer in not having a formal coming-out conversation with the parents. Just start living your life, pursue happiness, and let the parents figure it out. And I encourage every gay kid I come across to stay in the closet until they could stand on their 2 feet.
I know people keep saying I have a cynical view of this, but I'd rather err on the side of caution. Why? Because I've seen kids being thrown out of the house for coming out. Sure, the number of such incidents is relatively small compared to the population at large, but the price is simply too high for a teenager to have to endure homelessness.
My boyfriend was thrown out at 15 to fend for himself. Up until very recently, I'd find him crying in his sleep. He says he doesn't remember what he dreamt about, but I suspect it has something to do with the emotional scarring resulting from abandonment.
Even if there's only 1% chance of a teen being thrown out for coming out to his parents, that's still a chance that I strongly advice LGBT youths to not take.
Christian parents can be very unpredictable. My boyfriend said his parents were all loving and all nurturing up to the moment he found himself on the streets. To this day, we still occasionally get a message in the answering machine from the mom telling us how we're going to hell. You'd think that after all these years after abandoning their son they'd come around to just leaving him alone. Some people...
I dunno. Sometimes it makes a really good story. My buddy told his mother as she was pulling the Thanksgiving turkey out of the oven. As soon as the words got out of his mouth, his boyfriend pulled up in front of the house to join the family for the holiday, casserole in hand.
Your parents are under no obligation to accept a lifestyle they believe is sinful just because you're their son. Expecting them to accept it is selfish on your part. They shouldn't have to sell out their beliefs for you. Your lifestyle is your choice. Leave them out of it. Let them be and respect their beliefs. Don't keep pushing them to accept your chosen lifestyle.
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), and as expected, my dad is going to need some time. He told me that he accepts ME, but he doesn't know if he'll ever be ready to accept me being in a relationship with another man. I explained that I understand his need for time because it did come from nowhere for him, but I told him that I hope after he takes the time he needs, he recognizes that me wanting him to be involved how a parent should be when I meet someone that I want to bring home should trump his personal feelings on the homosexuality subject. 
