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I was supposed to be out of the country on a foreign exchange trip for a month in the spring of junior year, and would be returning only about a week before the junior prom. It left me in an awkward position because I felt like I had to arrange my date for prom before I left on the trip because I thought it would be cutting it too close if I waited until I got back. But I didn't have a boyfriend or anyone I thought would ask me, so I had to take the initiative. I asked a guy I knew from a theater group we were in, who didn't go to my school. He was really sweet about it and said that he would have gone with me, but his own school's prom was the same day and he already had a date for it. Then I asked another guy at my own school who was a sophomore, and he said yes, so we were set. Then I went away for the foreign exchange. When I came back, I started talking to this guy I knew in band and he asked me to prom, but I was already committed to going with the sophomore. I went with the sophomore and we had a good time. Afterwards, I kept waiting to see if something else would come of it and we might start dating, but we didn't. About a month later, the guy from band asked me out, and he became my boyfriend for the rest of high school. So senior prom was easy because I had a boyfriend. I married that guy from band, and here we are 20+ years later!
Well my senior prom was kind of the opposite of your situation. Our gang of five decided to go as a group of single ladies to prom. Problem was that one of my friends graduated early after her junior year so she wasn't allowed to go by herself. She found a date so it was four of us rad single ladies plus our friend and her poor date who had to entertain five girls.
It was a blast.
I never put much stock in school dances. I went to some and I skipped some for better things.
I am glad to see that the girls and guys are free to just go to the prom nowadays if they don't have a date. Those of us who didn't get invited back in the old days were made to feel a little ashamed, because everyone knew no one wanted to be seen with you.
My friend and I went to a movie on prom night. We pretended we didn't care about the prom. She was asked by her brother's friend, who was obviously and flamboyantly gay but in the mid-70s high school kids didn't come out yet, but she said no.
Another friend of mine got the courage up to ask a boy she knew to go with her, and he told her he had no interest in going. Later she found out he went with someone else. High school can be the worst time of a person's life.
It's so good that kids now aren't relying on the whims of others to make them feel as if they are good enough.
Well my senior prom was kind of the opposite of your situation. Our gang of five decided to go as a group of single ladies to prom. Problem was that one of my friends graduated early after her junior year so she wasn't allowed to go by herself. She found a date so it was four of us rad single ladies plus our friend and her poor date who had to entertain five girls.
It was a blast.
I never put much stock in school dances. I went to some and I skipped some for better things.
At my children's HS, the homecoming dance was almost as important as prom, but you did not have to have a date. I believe that our daughter's sophomore year there were ten girls who went as a group and one guy, who was friends with all of them. They took photographs at our house. Multiple photos of all ten girls with the guy plus a photo with each girl alone with the guy. They had a great time.
Her junior year a good female friend of our daughter was upset because she really wanted a date but no one asked her. So our straight daughter did. Our daughter bought the tickets, bought her a corsage, drove her to the prom and made sure that her friend danced every dance with either our daughter, or someone else. They had a great time.
At my children's HS, the homecoming dance was almost as important as prom, but you did not have to have a date. I believe that our daughter's sophomore year there were ten girls who went as a group and one guy, who was friends with all of them. They took photographs at our house. Multiple photos of all ten girls with the guy plus a photo with each girl alone with the guy. They had a great time.
Her junior year a good female friend of our daughter was upset because she really wanted a date but no one asked her. So our straight daughter did. Our daughter bought the tickets, bought her a corsage, drove her to the prom and made sure that her friend danced every dance with either our daughter, or someone else. They had a great time.
You did a good job of raising a compassionate person of good character.
My daughter went stag to the junior prom in March. She had been dating a senior prior to it, but that fizzled out. That wasn't about to stop her from attending. She looked like a million dollars and she shined like a diamond.
She has a gown for senior prom purchased prior to their break up. As she's a junior, she can't buy a senior prom ticket no matter how badly she wants to go. She approached a bunch of her male senior friends and told them that she wants to go to senior prom. One turned and said she could go with him. Mission accomplished.
She could not care less about formality when it comes to these things and refuses to let it stand in her way. Next year, if she's not dating anyone, she is going to walk in with her best friend.
My husband tells her all the time how important it is to be kind, because it's so hard for young men to summon the courage to ask for a date, so I know you speak the truth. I think it's easier in college, because the young men are less afraid of rejection or maybe they're just as afraid of rejection but better able to handle it.
In any case, the dress was delivered this afternoon, and she is now very excited to go to the dance regardless of not having an official date. Turns out that another (female) friend was also planning to go alone and yet another was planning to skip prom all together, so they're now planning to go as a group. I asked her this evening if she felt awkward about going stag, and she said, "Nah, I just want to go and have fun without being tethered to a boy I barely know. That would be awkward!" It appears my worries were for naught.
If she is brave enough to go to the prom by herself, she really doesn't need to scrounge around and find a 'date'. If she hasn't bothered to ask her male friends already (OP said that she had many friends but few dates), why should she now at this late date? It's a shame that her friends aren't including her in the pre prom rituals- buying dresses, make up sessions etc (unless something else has happened besides people pairing off that the OP is not aware of) but that is life. Sometimes plans change and you have to deal with the changes.
And you know, sometimes going to the prom isn't that big a deal. I'll bet 20 years from now, it won't matter who went with who, who wore what etc. What will matter is that your daughter has learned to adapt to change and not let it deter her from doing what she wants to do.
And, if the OP's poster's daughter were content going to prom by herself, then why would she have posted here?
Sometimes prom isn't a big deal - and sometimes it is. Depends upon the person and the decade.
My daughter thought it was very, very important. For me, it was less important. However, it is a night that I will never forget for my entire life. I am glad that I had a long term HS boyfriend to attend prom with, none the less.
The OP asked to here prom stories, that were not perfect. So here is my daughter's.
We moved from Long Island NY to PA for two years where my children attended HS. My son attended prom then. He makes friends very easily and asked a girl in his class - not his girlfriend at the time, but they both had "crushes" on each other. They had a fabulous time and they looked really good together. I am glad it worked out for them.
For my daughter, it was different. She does not adjust to new situations as easily as my son does, and while she is not shy, she is very reserved and can come off as cold when you first meet her.
We had been here in Ohio for only two years when we moved here. She never dated in HS - here or in PA. A boy from church once asked her out and she said no. She had her own reasons, I suppose.
She is very pretty and athletic. She was a cheerleader in PA and has been a gymnast since she was a little girl. But she was never in any hurry to date.
That is, until prom came around when she was thrown into a veritable tizzy. All of her friends (she did make a nice circle of girl friends here) either had long term boyfriends - or a good friend who they had decided to go with a long time before.
My daughter did NOT want to be the only one out of her circle of friends to not have a date. She wanted to fit in. She is highly conventional that way. I think, although I am not highly conventional, I would have wanted the same thing as a teenager.
So it was three weeks before prom and she came to me seeking assistance. Once again, I too am newish to this area. It was not as though I know a family who had a son who went to a different HS who I could ask,(more people do that than you might think)
I enlisted the help of my niece who is 9 years older than my daughter, and the three of us brainstormed together. If worse came to worse, my nephew offered to take her. No one here would have known that he was her cousin, and my daughter was adopted from Korea.
She REALLY didn't want to go to prom with her cousin, but as a last resort, she would have and just passed him off as a friend from back in NY. Thank goodness she didn't have to.
My nieces ideas were really outside the box, and my daughter - who is reserved, but thankfully not shy, took her advice, which was basically to think of all the boys she knows here, and be OPEN - very very open, to taking someone that might not be boyfriend materiel, but could be OK as an escort - because that is what it was.
It's offensive to say that my beautiful daughter had to "scrounge around for a date" - but a number of events conspired to put her in the position of having to be resourceful. And so she was.
My daughter is in film club, and only a few weeks before prom she asked Seth, a boy she knows from the club, to accompany her. It was not idea;. He was two years younger than she, and not a member of her circle of friends. However, he immediately said "YES" and my daughter got to have a normal prom experience. If she hadn't had a date, she would have been the only person in her circle of friends to attend prom alone.
This does not mean that my daughter feels as though she is "half a person with out a man". Don't read too deeply into this. It's not an exercise in Feminist theory. It's teenage stuff. Most teens don't like to be different from others, or to stand out in a crowd. My daughter is no exception.
It ended happily. Had she not had a date, she would have felt like a "third wheel" at many of the pre and post prom activities.
She and Seth had a great time together. We have beautiful pictures of them together, and they actually look like an adorable couple. She has memories that are not marred by being "the only girl with out a date" She got to do ALL of the normal prom things - from matching his tux to her dress to taking pictures together at our house to walking through the archway as each couple is announced during the Grand Entrance.
So that is my not so perfect, but happy ending prom story.
I really feel for the OP and her daughter. It's a difficult situation, and I wish them the best.
To be clear, she's dealing with this just fine. It's me who's dealing with own teenage demons, projecting my own long-buried high school insecurities onto her. While she's justifiably disappointed in her closest friends who did not look out for her, she doesn't seem to be at all intimidated by going it alone. As of last night, however, it appears that she has found at least one casual friend who was also planning to go stag, and they've decided to buddy up.
But, even though that's settled, let's do continue the sharing of our prom stories. I'm enjoying reading them, and I hope you all are, too.
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