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I was wondering if anyone has ever been faced with a public middle school educator disclosing to another child's parent what discipline was given to your child? The information relayed was: "we have taken disciplinary action and have suspended the other child".
My son returned to school bombarded with kids talking about him and the fact that he was suspended. My son did not disclose this information to anyone. In fact he wanted nobody to know he was suspended because he was so embarrassed and upset about it. We actually had a child from our neighborhood knock on our door at 8 pm wanting to ask my son why he was suspended.
I confronted my son's principal this morning to find out how all the kids knew. He told me that he told the parents of the child my son had a scuffle with that my son was suspended for aggressive behavior. It feels like a violation of our family's privacy rights and my child's rights which should be protected under the Family Education Rights and Privacy Act. I am upset with him for disclosing it. He doesn't think he did anything wrong.
And, for anyone who thinks I am missing the point here, I haven't. My son has a very good understanding of what he did wrong and how he should handle it the next time. It has been a good learning lesson for him. I was just hoping he could return to school with lessons learned and move on...now he doesn't even want to go to school because all the kids are talking/whispering about him.
Am I way off in my thinking?
Waaaaa.
Stop coddling your kid. This is a good lesson for him. Stop trying to screw it up by reinforcing his perception as a "victim" of something. Bad actions have consequences. It'll blow over. Forget about it.
I've watched this thread unfold, and I understand the OP's point, but I can tell you exactly what happened and I don't even need to be there or know the school system.
The other parent came in because her kid was suspended. Since he apparently has been suspended numerous previous times she was loaded for bear because the school is picking on her kid.
So the Principal said, when the parent was demanding "satisfaction" for the unfair treatment, "Look, the other kid got suspended". That likely shut the mother up even though her kid apparently has a history of fighting and bullying.
I saw it unfold that way more times than I can count over 30+ years.
I have seen this, too. Far, far more times than people would realize.
I am glad that the boys will be talking to the counselor. Often (at least sometimes) that work out the differences between the students. Since there has been an on-going problem I am very surprised that the counselor was not involved earlier to mediate between them. However, because I the same confidentially you have no idea what type of interventions were being done with the initial trouble maker.
my daughter was jumped by some big kid at school because he didnt like that she was selected to represent the class for the spelling bee. the er doctor said she can only have soup broth for 3 days until her abdomen swelling goes down. i asked the principal what they are planning to do to ensure her safety in the school building but he says its against district policy to disclose the disciplinary action of another student. i think thats code for a slap on the wrist like detention or less like a stern talking-to. should i sue the school to get the boy expelled ?
I was wondering if anyone has ever been faced with a public middle school educator disclosing to another child's parent what discipline was given to your child? The information relayed was: "we have taken disciplinary action and have suspended the other child".
My son returned to school bombarded with kids talking about him and the fact that he was suspended. My son did not disclose this information to anyone. In fact he wanted nobody to know he was suspended because he was so embarrassed and upset about it. We actually had a child from our neighborhood knock on our door at 8 pm wanting to ask my son why he was suspended.
I confronted my son's principal this morning to find out how all the kids knew. He told me that he told the parents of the child my son had a scuffle with that my son was suspended for aggressive behavior. It feels like a violation of our family's privacy rights and my child's rights which should be protected under the Family Education Rights and Privacy Act. I am upset with him for disclosing it. He doesn't think he did anything wrong.
And, for anyone who thinks I am missing the point here, I haven't. My son has a very good understanding of what he did wrong and how he should handle it the next time. It has been a good learning lesson for him. I was just hoping he could return to school with lessons learned and move on...now he doesn't even want to go to school because all the kids are talking/whispering about him.
Am I way off in my thinking?
Yes.
As both a parent and an educator, you should be focusing on your child, and telling him that one of the consequences of his actions are that people may know he was disciplined for it.
Your focus on the school notifying the other parents, and calling the fight a "scuffle" make it clear that you are trying to deflect responsibility. You are not doing you son any favors.
If the embarrassment helps keep him from getting suspended again, great. End of story.
As both a parent and an educator, you should be focusing on your child, and telling him that one of the consequences of his actions are that people may know he was disciplined for it.
Your focus on the school notifying the other parents, and calling the fight a "scuffle" make it clear that you are trying to deflect responsibility. You are not doing you son any favors.
If the embarrassment helps keep him from getting suspended again, great. End of story.
If you read the entire thread most of your comments have already been addressed as I've made several postings since starting this thread.
It is interesting how many people have commented on this thread without even reading past the first post.
If you read the entire thread most of your comments have already been addressed as I've made several postings since starting this thread.
It is interesting how many people have commented on this thread without even reading past the first post.
Thank you for your comments though.
As one of your initial critics, I'll be the first to say that I was glad you changed your mind. That was a wise decision. Although I did initially read a lot of the posts, not just far enough to find your later change of heart.
Thank you all for your energy, your input, and thoughts, that have caused me to step back and evaluate my feelings and focus on what really matters.
Parenting is truly humbling as I've found myself fumbling through unfamiliar territory that brought up many emotions.
I've decided not to talk to the principal about him disclosing information to the other parent as so many of you reminded me how easily this stuff gets around without anyone saying anything at all. I also do not want to drive a wedge between the administration and my family as this is a new school district for us this year and I want to be part of the solution.
I talked with the school counselor about it today. She asked if it was okay if she met with my son and the other boy to facilitate a conversation between them. I was encouraged that she was so willing to do this and see if she could get to the root of the problem. Who knows, maybe these boys will end up being friends.
Above all, I just don't want to get stuck on being a victim, or encourage my son to be one.
Thank you for helping me be a better parent. I am grateful.
Thanks for sharing this. It's hard to see our kids upset, it's great that you were able to hash it out before going to the school and get feedback and think about it.
I realized when I started this thread that I had to be prepared for all the responses from well meaning posters. Some were harsh, indeed. Overall though I appreciate the willingness of people to just tell me what I now believe I really needed to hear. Some people have the ability to say you're way off base using kinder words than others, but that is the same reality in real life, too.
I'm just glad that I had my heart & mind set on not letting myself get my feelings hurt as I read through the responses; after all, I had asked for your opinions in the first place.
"Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about but one of the hardest things in the world to do". (Matt Welsh)
Thank you all for your energy, your input, and thoughts, that have caused me to step back and evaluate my feelings and focus on what really matters.
Parenting is truly humbling as I've found myself fumbling through unfamiliar territory that brought up many emotions.
I've decided not to talk to the principal about him disclosing information to the other parent as so many of you reminded me how easily this stuff gets around without anyone saying anything at all. I also do not want to drive a wedge between the administration and my family as this is a new school district for us this year and I want to be part of the solution.
I talked with the school counselor about it today. She asked if it was okay if she met with my son and the other boy to facilitate a conversation between them. I was encouraged that she was so willing to do this and see if she could get to the root of the problem. Who knows, maybe these boys will end up being friends.
Above all, I just don't want to get stuck on being a victim, or encourage my son to be one.
Thank you for helping me be a better parent. I am grateful.
I think you are doing the best thing for yourself and your son. You have my best wishes! Good luck, parenting is tough.
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