Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint
I saw this a lot growing up in Glasgow, Men who were fathers, who took nothing to do with the rearing of the children and how spent most of their hard earned cash in the pub.. hitting off walls on their way home and sometimes falling in the street in front of their children out playing with friends... How could any man or father put a their own flesh and blood through this. and how seflish can anyone be to ruin lives through their own incapacity to give up alcohol for someone else... I dont go for But its an addiction rubbish... your children are the most precious things in the world and people who cant or wont take care of them shouldnt have them... The horror of having a father who loves drink more than he loves you: Meg Henderson's father even sold her bike to buy booze | Daily Mail Online
I speak as someone whose father died from alcohol abuse but the reality was that I essentially lost him long before he died to alcohol. It just makes you question, even as a young child, "damn it, am I that bad you prefer something that has the power to kill you over a living person who loves you to death?" To his credit and despite my contempt for him, he did work an honest job and financially did his part. But kids don't know or care about finances, all they see is you drunk when they want to play a game of catch with you.
I'm not going to have kids of my own, but I get furious when I see people, hell yeah I'm talking about women too, who take a substance and place it above their children. You chose to be a parent but you can't put that substance down to give love to your child? I have NO respect for that. I realize addiction is a real issue but that substance has no ability to I've love to you but you choose to love it over your kids. No respect.
Addiction is a disease and addicts don't get sober or clean for others. When and if the addict gets sober it needs to be because he is doing it for himself. Enablers need to let go of the addict if he won't go into recovery. Denial kills the enabler. It's really sad.
Yes...I went to my niece's wedding on Sunday. My brother has been dead for 10 years. He used heroin for a brief period in his 20s, and straightened up but died at 51 from the Hep C he'd picked up while using.
His ex-wife, now 61 and a junkie since she was 18, has not been able to remain clean for more than 2 months at a time until maybe a year or two ago when she was diagnosed with some kind of cancer. She's on prescription medication now, but she is completely burnt. She was never a mother. My niece (who turned out well) was raised by her aunt and grandmother and then spent her weekends with my brother. She was in college when he died.
Today my daughter, one of the bridesmaids, told me that when the bridal party was in their room before the wedding, where cheese and other food was being served to them, my former SIL, the mother of the bride, came in and looked at her daughter and said, "Oh, that's a nice dress" and then went over and got herself some food.
One of my friends became an alcoholic after her husband left her for a teenager. I suspect my friend had an inclination toward addiction already, but the husband always discouraged her from drinking and wouldn't tolerate drugs. Once he was gone, that was it. Her son was in kindergarten and the only thing that kept the situation from being a total disaster was that her mom lived a couple of miles away and was helping with the little boy. Eventually my friend had to move in with her mother because she just couldn't keep things together on her own.
He once knocked a child down in drink.. appalling and caused a right fight in our house.... he paid off the mother, who was very poor not to tell the police as he would have lost his licence...
He hit the child with his taxi? Any injuries or medical costs?
That's exactly what I was going to say. There are plenty of crack mothers out there, too--as well as women who picked the wrong fathers for their kids.
Wow, how much mental gymnastics do you have to go through to make a bad/neglectful/addicted father also somehow the fault of women?
I don't think think it's really possible to compare the pub going culture in Scotland to the drinking culture in the US. It really is apples and oranges. I grew up in Australia, where like the UK, men would take to the pub after work and leave child rearing to women. While I'm pretty sure that as men become more involved in their kid's lives in the western world in general, and the tradition of spending evenings in the public with your mates has dwindled significantly since I was a chikd, I don't think the culture in America is anywhere near as booze centric as the UK.
I think that just by sheer numbers you're going to get more alcoholic people in general in the UK than in the US. It's that insidious there.
Having said that, you're going to find that some alcoholic parents are going to be cold and emotionally unavailable regardless of their drinking status because that's how they are. The booze just makes it worse. Alternatively, you're going to have people who are unavailable because of their active addictions, but who are fine and loving people when they aren't under the influence. You can't generalize.
Regardless, anyone that runs over a child when they're drunk and doesn't understand at that point that they must stop at all costs, is so far gone into alcoholism that it would take a Herculean effort to get them back.
Back in the fifties hardly any women I knew drank , they never had the time or the money apart from the inclination... their kids came first....
Oh dream on. I have friends, both male and female, who were born with fetal alcohol syndrome, were sexually abused by their mothers, and neglected. I have heard plenty of stories of children finding their mother in a puddle of pee and puke.
I saw this a lot growing up in Glasgow, Men who were fathers, who took nothing to do with the rearing of the children and how spent most of their hard earned cash in the pub.. hitting off walls on their way home and sometimes falling in the street in front of their children out playing with friends... How could any man or father put a their own flesh and blood through this. and how seflish can anyone be to ruin lives through their own incapacity to give up alcohol for someone else... I dont go for But its an addiction rubbish... your children are the most precious things in the world and people who cant or wont take care of them shouldnt have them... The horror of having a father who loves drink more than he loves you: Meg Henderson's father even sold her bike to buy booze | Daily Mail Online
hurrah lets blame the men for all the worlds woes...
To be frank your title is shameful, it should clearly be parents not men, but perhaps that does not fit the narrative you desire.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
