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Old 05-30-2016, 10:30 AM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,837 posts, read 6,646,708 times
Reputation: 7260

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shoshanarose View Post
Yes, unrealistic.

Also, it's kind of interesting to me the focus on "depression".

I mean, why aren't people asking: Would you hire a babysitter who is Bipolar? Would you hire a babysitter with high-functioning schizophrenia?

Or even, would you hire a babysitter with a history of drug or alcohol abuse?

These are higher-risk populations to be honest than someone with a history of depression (yes even just someone who used to struggle with alcohol - the rate of relapse is high. That person may drink on the job. Whereas the person with depression is going to show up..."under the influence of antidepressants"!?).

What about: Would you hire a babysitter who struggles with anxiety?

If anything, one could argue that anxiety is more likely to affect one's babysitting abilities than depression. Will the babysitter with anxiety and catastrophic thinking never let the child do anything for fear that the child will get hurt or some tragedy will befall him/her?

Will the babysitter speak of his/her anxieties to the child, about getting hurt, risks, etc., so that the child because an anxious, afraid mess and loses his/her carefree childlike nature?

What I'm saying is: why all the focus on "people with depression"?
I agree with your points, especially about anxiety.
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Old 05-30-2016, 10:31 AM
 
Location: WI
2,830 posts, read 3,085,984 times
Reputation: 4834
Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice View Post
Okay, okay. Defensive guilt wins! Dump kids with everyone and anyone you deem suitable. I don't give a shyte, missy. It's on you, not me.

P.S. Having raised kids who are very successful , I have earned the right to my ounce of superiority. We friggin' sacrificed, and it paid off. I just received "the best parent in the world" card from our daughter. She thinks we are excellent parents. Do you wonder why?! If you and yours can say the same, then it's a draw.

To those who care, and have some common sense, you understand what i mean when it comes to children and even a small amount of risk. Yeah, not worth it, period. And some do it for what? A night out? Your hair appointment? A job you really could manage without --if you gave up your hair and nail appointments?
Should a parent spend every night out or never spend time with their children? Of course not. But it is healthy, normal, and very much necessary for parents to have alone time (particularly with each other) without their children. If it worked for you not to do this, that's great, but please don't act like parents who do are doing their kids a disservice. Quite the opposite, actually.

Last edited by strawflower; 05-30-2016 at 11:18 AM..
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Old 05-30-2016, 11:24 AM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,680,240 times
Reputation: 6648
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
Should a parent spend every night out or never spend time with their children? Of course not. But it is healthy, normal, and very much necessary for parents to have alone time (particularly with each other) without their children. If it worked for you not to do this, that's great, but please don't act like parents who do are doing their kids a disservice. Quite the opposite, actually.
Not to mention that historically, those who could afford "childcare" had it. For centuries, nannies, wet nurses, boarding schools etc.... Have had a huge hand in "raising" many successful adults.

Time apart is healthy for both parent and child. The parents need time ALONE as a couple, your marriage needs to be a priority. There is nothing wrong with using childcare. I'm so sick of these mommy wars where everyone argues about how superior their version child rearing is.
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Old 05-30-2016, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,837 posts, read 6,646,708 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WeHa View Post
Not to mention that historically, those who could afford "childcare" had it. For centuries, nannies, wet nurses, boarding schools etc.... Have had a huge hand in "raising" many successful adults.

Time apart is healthy for both parent and child. The parents need time ALONE as a couple, your marriage needs to be a priority. There is nothing wrong with using childcare. I'm so sick of these mommy wars where everyone argues about how superior their version child rearing is.
Agreed. What kind of example do you set when you don't care and feed your marriage? It's really bad if you're not doing it because you're too paranoid to trust anyone to babysit for a few hours.
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Old 05-30-2016, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,438 posts, read 41,941,828 times
Reputation: 47056
I have two interesting stories to share. Here is the first.

When my girls were about 3 or 4 I needed somebody to come into our home so I could get some good work done. A friend recommended a young woman she had for her kids so I interviewed her. I liked her right away and she had good references. She was energetic and fun and educated and had just gotten out of the Coast Guard. Her parents were respected professionals in my community. For 3 months she showed up on time, entertained the kids, made them meals when necessary and sometimes cleaned up messes while I ran errands from time to time. One Friday as she was saying her goodbyes I noticed tears in her eyes. She hugged us all extra long and left. I knew she was having boyfriend troubles but thought it best not to ask any questions.

Tuesday morning her mother showed up at the time her daughter was supposed to be there. She asked to speak to me privately. With great emotion, this broken woman told me her daughter had been sentenced to prison for 2 years for breaking and entering and her boyfriend who was with her had a gun. They broke into his grandfather's garage to retrieve some of the young man's possessions including the unloaded gun. The grandfather called the cops on his grandson and my sitter. I was flabbergasted! The mother told me the daughter had depression and it was well controlled with meds for many years but the new boyfriend wanted her to go off them and this is where all the troubles began.

I wrote to her regularly while she served her time and the mother and I spent some fun times together. They both needed a friend. When she got out of prison I gave her another chance and she was the best sitter I ever had. The boyfriend was still in prison and I never felt uneasy having her in my home. She got back on her meds in prison and it evened her out so she could see such positive results.
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Old 05-30-2016, 12:54 PM
 
385 posts, read 269,041 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spazkat9696 View Post
Would you rather your child be cared for by someone with depression that isn't undergoing treatment. This is the reason mental illness has such a stigma.
Exactly! My daughter was recently diagnosed with mild depression following a move across the country and separation from the only home she ever knew and her friends. She never took medication for it, but she was in therapy. She is a responsible girl and she is taking a babysitting class this summer. It makes me sad to think she would never even get a chance to babysit because she struggled a little with a big move.

Now if the person was struggling with deep depression, not adjusting well to meds, not seeking help, or if their depression interfered with their ability to be responsible, than that's a completely different story.
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Old 05-30-2016, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,438 posts, read 41,941,828 times
Reputation: 47056
My other story involves my doctor. Over the years we have become good friends because we both have adopted children.

She was constantly having nanny troubles. Finally,she had a nanny she really liked when suddenly the nanny's husband died of a heart attack. After a few weeks off work my doc friend and her mother decided to go see the nanny. The nanny told her that her psychologist she was seeing for grief management had told her she was ready to come back to work for my friend. When my friend and her mother got back in the car to go home, her mother announced in no uncertain terms that this woman was never to be around her precious grandchild again. "She's seeing a doctor for mental health issues and she is not safe". Unfortunately this doctor is way too influenced by her mother so she sent the woman a fat check and fired her.

I hated hearing this story.

Fast forward a few years and now the child has been diagnosed with all sorts of problems and needs medication. She has been kicked out of two nursery schools for being too aggressive and unsafe. The doctor's marriage crumbled and now guess who is on medication for depression? My doctor....and her own mother!!! Both are feeling better and able to function at full capacity.

You never know what problems people are facing or how they are dealing with them. Many lives have been saved with proper medication for depression and most people only take them for a short time.
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Old 05-30-2016, 01:10 PM
 
5,190 posts, read 3,824,648 times
Reputation: 13140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
Many many people will take care of your child over the years. You have no way of knowing what meds a person is taking or why. I personally know many professional educators who take meds for a variety of things. Including me.

I have rather ordinary anxiety and generalized depression. Most likely caused by a genetic chemical imbalance. It doesn't make me a bad person, or dangerous. Without my meds I lack energy, motivation, ability to plan, and patience. It is hard for me to accomplish much of anything without them. I started taking them when I had post partum depression. Still taking them 17 years later. I can live without them, but no one has ever given me a good reason to do so.

I'm a better parent with the meds. I'm a better human being with the meds. I can do my job with the meds. There are no side effects to speak of. I have other family members who have not had access to meds, or choose not to take them. They were/are alcoholics or are in therapy. I have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of.

Believe me when I say, you are much better off with a child care provider who is benefiting from meds than with one who SHOULD be on meds, but isn't.

If you don't want these particular women caring for your child, fine. But find a better reason. Your current one just demonstrates your lack of education.
Great post, but especially the bolded.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shoshanarose View Post
Again, it should be obvious, but: people with depression (or any other mental illness actually) do not have a higher incidence of violence than the general population.
Someone with depression is not going to "kill your child". There is no correlation between depression and murder.

The only subset of mentally ill people who have a higher incidence of violence/crime is substance/drug/alcohol abusers. For sure I would try not to hire a drug/alcohol abuser to watch my child. That would be a risk.

In addition, there is no correlation between depression and other mental illnesses: someone with clinical depression is NOT bipolar, or schizophrenic, or have antisocial personality disorder, and is no more likely to have those illnesses.

The only exception to this is anxiety. Many/not all of those who struggle with depression also struggle with some anxiety (but then again...who doesn't?)
Great post again.

I knew that this thread was going to be a cluster before I clicked and City-Data doesn't disappoint. I started to type up a long thread explaining how there are different degrees of depression. And that depression is caused by many factors, and that being depressed does not make someone a monster or a murderer.

But, I would be wasting my time. I will just say that I am more afraid that such closed-minded people are raising children than someone who is treating a medical condition.
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Old 05-30-2016, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Central IL
13,665 posts, read 7,318,028 times
Reputation: 31638
Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice View Post
Okay, okay. Defensive guilt wins! Dump kids with everyone and anyone you deem suitable. I don't give a shyte, missy. It's on you, not me.

P.S. Having raised kids who are very successful , I have earned the right to my ounce of superiority. We friggin' sacrificed, and it paid off. I just received "the best parent in the world" card from our daughter. She thinks we are excellent parents. Do you wonder why?! If you and yours can say the same, then it's a draw.

To those who care, and have some common sense, you understand what i mean when it comes to children and even a small amount of risk. Yeah, not worth it, period. And some do it for what? A night out? Your hair appointment? A job you really could manage without --if you gave up your hair and nail appointments?
OMG - your kid has deemed you"best parent in the world" so you MUST be! How naive...and on that basis you think your opinion is best? "the smallest amount of risk"...well, some would say there's a risk in not exposing your kids to anyone else but yourself, either in terms of socialization or to allow them to learn separation skills before starting school.

You see, risks are all relative...and the risks YOU choose to take are not necessarily the best or the ones that other choose. to take It's NOT your way or the highway...there are many ways. Now, please go out and get a professional haircut and maybe a makeover - after 20 years of doing without, you deserve it!
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Old 05-30-2016, 07:22 PM
 
1,892 posts, read 1,149,706 times
Reputation: 4932
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lieneke View Post
Apparently my rocket science skills are lacking here.

We're talking about hiring a babysitter; someone who can watch the children when the parents are at work, or out for the evening. A babysitter is not The Teacher.

Everyone can choose a babysitter, but the schools choose which teachers to hire. I'm a bit confused about why a discussion about babysitters on drugs has been connected to professionals who work in education. What's the connection?
We are talking about hiring someone to care for your children in place of you. That's what teachers do. And of course you can choose who teaches your children, everyone in this country can choose between public school and their teachers, private school and their teachers, a private tutor, or homeschool. Sending your children to public school is just like hiring a babysitter, except it's free and the babysitter also teaches your child. They are still your child's caretaker while you are not there for a significant period of time, acting in loco parentis.

Many people homeschool because they don't want others caring for their children. That's fine. But if you send your children to school, please admit someone else is watching your child for 6.5 hours every weekday (or however long your school day is), and admit you had a choice about it.

My point is, if you really want to make sure someone who is on antidepressants is not the primary caregiver for your child for extended periods of time, then you need to homeschool. Otherwise please realize that your child will be cared for by people taking medications for mental health issues.
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