Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I myself was just complaining to my husband today about how it feels like dishes and laundry are never-ending. I've been known to blow and roll my eyes when I hear the dryer buzzer go off when I just got comfortable on the laptop or when I'm watching something on TV. :P
I see perfectly responsible grown women post things on Facebook, etc., all the time complaining about chores, such as funny memes about laundry being the "real neverending story," etc.
I know plenty of grown women and men who slack off on chores, who pawn chores off on their kids, who hire help to assist them with household cleaning (and yes, some of them work, but kids are also in school all day...people tend to forget that...)
I'm NOT saying that she shouldn't have chores, nor am I saying that you shouldn't correct her when she's doing a sloppy job with them. It just doesn't seem that out of the ordinary that she might not be totally excited and "Yes, mommy!" about washing dishes. Most people think that washing dishes sucks.
My daughter started at 5...
She turned out ok.
But I learned that you cant give an inch. Stick to whatever schedule and chores you give her and dont waver just because she has a fit. Its all about winning and kids like to win. Ignore the eye rolling or what ever they do or make a little fun of it instead of getting angry about it.
Many people blame school or TV on the attitude, But my daughter never went to school. She was homeschooled and we never had TV and she still showed the same bad attitude as other kids.
I like to keep score. You might get a desk-top sized calendar and make 3 rows per week (draw horizontal lines all the way across), one attitude, one chores, one homework (or something similar) So every day you can give some kind of grade or a tic-mark when she goofs up. Keep it posted so she can see. You can expect a little attitude from a teenager but not too much. If she shows improvement or does well for x number of days she can "something" (go to the mall with her friends - supervised, of course, take a friend to a movie, etc) She should be learning that there are consequences and this is a clear illustration.
I always like to give them a chance to redeem themselves for really extra effort. So you might make the tic-marks erasable. This, too shall pass.
My oldest son was so superior and had such an attitude....until he had a chance to bring a friend to the base to climb on the airplanes. Oh THEN I was cool!
No one likes doing dishes. If she does the dishes, I really don't see a reason to quash what is a very mild expression of dislike at doing dishes. She is not a robot. It is important not to take every expression of disagreement or grumpy emotion as personal disrespect.
Teenagers need to pull their weight around the house, but in my experience you get a lot less complaining if you give them some choices about how to do so. Perhaps a list of possible chores, and the option pick any 3 (or whatever). Or the option to either cook dinner for the family, or clean up after dinner for the family. That sort of thing. Generally if they choose it themselves they will do a better job, too. It sounds like a petty thing, but which do you prefer to teach: how to make good choices and follow through on them, or how to follow orders passively?
Personally I would rather do every single chore in the entire household than fold laundry. Perhaps you can trade a chore you particularly hate with a chore she particularly hates. Then things are getting done, you're both happier, and you feel that you are doing something nice for one another.
I find it so discouraging when people automatically write off girls as horrible or hellions just because then turn a certain age. I have two daughters and my whole parenting life I have been told, "Wait until they are teenagers....you are going to have your hands full!" or "Two girls? You are going to hate the teen years!" or similar such comments.
Why do we do this? Seriously......why? It is almost as if we are setting them (and us) up for failure. Is there some attitude change during this time? Sure. They are changing rapidly in body and mind and this will lead to some attitude changes. Can they be disrespectful? Yep. But they are still in a learning mode and it is our jobs to keep teaching. But are they hellions or evil or out to get us? I say no. There are always exceptions to the rule but the majority of parents I know with teenage daughters are not praying for them to turn 18 already.
We are doing a disservice to our daughters with this kind of talk and exaggeration. Why don't we start talking about the teen years in a more positive light? These are the last years that we get to spend with them before launching them into the world. They are wonderful people with ideas, feelings, goals, and opinions. They are also trying to learn how to be independent people and with this can come worry, fear, confusion, etc. This is when they need us even though they may not act like it. Our parental role starts to change from a manager to a consultant. Not telling them how to act and feel, but helping to problem solve by offering solutions and advice. While at the same time enforcing the rules and boundaries that they need to feel safe and grow up to become productive members of society.
Transitions are hard but don't write off your daughters just yet. Our jobs are tough enough without all of these preconceived notions of "the teenage years". Let's change the tone and not try and create drama where it may not exist.
I thought my oldest was going to be a fairly easy teen, just because of her personality. So when others said, "Oh, wait til she is a teen..." I just brushed it off. She turned 14 in Feb, and the last year as been the most difficult and challenging time with her. I NEVER would have expected it. It's getting better, but she still has days (like today) where she goes drastically from one mood to another. It's a hormonal and a brain thing. It's not society making them this way. It's just how it is. I'm not wishing for her to be 18, but I sure am wishing for a little more balance!
My 13 year old daughter is still pretty easy, aside from the occasional eye roll. My 15 year old son, though, was a mouthy little twerp from about 11-13/14. He can still be a handful, but he's simmering down now. We also host exchange students, who are between 15 and 17... we've had quite a few attitudes with them, too, over the years.
It's just a normal part of development. They need to spread their wings and break away from the family to become their own people. I draw the line at blatant disrespect, but I don't micromanage how they do the dishes, so long as they're being done. Choose your battles and the rest will, hopefully, fall into place.
Hello, she is 1 month away from turning 13, and is starting to show signs of attitude ..
when asking her to do the dishes, she rolls her eyes, makes a face, then walks away to do them
when calmly showing her certain mistakes about dishes, she get defensive, and frustrated and talks back with an attitude, I then politely tell her that I talk to her with respect, and expect her to talk to me the same way, which works, for about a day.
then the next day, she's right back at it again ..
Help!
You sound very sensitive. I would say everything you have cited is normal behavior for a thirteen year old. There is nothing wrong with having a talk with her about attitude. However, if this sort of thing is upsetting you, I wonder how you'll react when you have a real issue.
I glad to see you as a positive parent. just keep at it. she will thank you later as she gets older trust me. She will start to realize around 20ish. Im 24 now. I didnt have such good parents. Luckly I found my way before I was lost.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.