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or do you just let it go? I'll give you the scenario. I'm actually the grandmother who has raised my grandson since birth. His mother gave him up to us when he was born. He'll be 12 next week.
Yesterday was my milestone birthday and we planned along with our other kids and grandkids to go out to dinner and celebrate but apparently my grandson got mad at me the day before because he was telling me he wanted a gift card for points for his x box and I said no because I wanted to get him something that he could use here.
The x box points would be used at his moms (she's not my daughter)house for the online thing that they all belong to. I was willing to buy him the video game he wanted though even though I know he'd bring it over there.
anyway, he called his mom and her boyfriend and said he was staying over there and they'd drive him to school in the morning and he wouldn't be home to go out to dinner with us. I found out later from my son who has official custody that my grandson was angry at me because I wouldn't add to the x box points. I don't know if I was more hurt or more pissed off at his actions by him not coming. Do I say anything to him or do I just let it go?
A little backstory. There have been so many things that his mom and boyfriend have done. My grandson got shoes for Christmas that they promised to return and buy him new ones... never happened.
He's gotten gift cards for video game stores that he's taken over there and they disappear over there.
She told me she was going to buy him a new outfit for his school concert... instead the morning of the concert she sends over a wrinkled unwashed shirt and pants that I bought for him for his concert last year. It didn't even fit anymore so I had to run out and buy something.
He also got mad at me because I wouldn't buy his mom and her boyfriend tickets to his music concert at school. I knew I'd never see the money again but I didn't tell him that. They did find the money to buy their own tickets though. But mom tells him she doesn't have money so my grandson expects me to support her too. They always have cigarettes though so they're not that poor.
She's totally ignored him for birthdays and some Christmases because she didn't have any gifts for him so I try to make up for that. I'm the one that get's up with him in the morning, washes his clothes, buys him clothes and books that he wants, makes his dinners, and runs out and gets him cold cuts for lunch. I'm just starting to feel really used, unappreciated and I'm honestly starting to resent doing what I've been doing but I wouldn't tell him that.
I'm just wondering about the whole birthday thing. Should I tell him that I felt hurt that he didn't want to celebrate it with us? or just let it go?
Should a child be made aware that adults have feelings?
Last edited by elliedeee; 06-10-2016 at 09:27 AM..
He knows you have feelings, and he deliberately chose to hurt you. What's that old adage? You always hurt the ones you love. He wants that same feeling of security you afford him from his mother, and knows he won't get it, so he's taking it out on you.
His father is the one who needs to have a heart-to-heart, man-to-man sit down with him.
Of course you should tell him he hurt your feelings! I tell my 5 and 8 year old when they hurt my feelings. They need to learn at an early age that the world doesn't revolve around them and that their actions affect other people too. I also don't believe in rewarding bad behavior so they would never get something by throwing a tantrum about it.
Gifts belong to the child. There is no 'over there". What you buy him belongs to him and he can do what he wants with them. He has every reason to get upset that his *grandmother* is playing games with his mom. So, she sucks. Suck it up and be the bigger person. Buy him what he wants for his birthday
Gifts belong to the child. There is no 'over there". What you buy him belongs to him and he can do what he wants with them. He has every reason to get upset that his *grandmother* is playing games with his mom. So, she sucks. Suck it up and be the bigger person. Buy him what he wants for his birthday
I was wondering how long it would take for this thread to turn..
I already said I didn't have any problems with buying him a video game that he originally asked for even knowing he would be taking it over there because it would be a gift for him.
Adding money to their x box live acct 'over there' is just another way that I'm supporting mom and boyfriends daily fun.
I was perfectly willing to add it to my grandson's x box acct that he has here though.
I'm not playing games with mom. I'm just tired of the games she plays.
He knows you have feelings, and he deliberately chose to hurt you. What's that old adage? You always hurt the ones you love. He wants that same feeling of security you afford him from his mother, and knows he won't get it, so he's taking it out on you.
His father is the one who needs to have a heart-to-heart, man-to-man sit down with him.
I was wondering how long it would take for this thread to turn..
I already said I didn't have any problems with buying him a video game that he originally asked for even knowing he would be taking it over there because it would be a gift for him.
Adding money to their x box live acct 'over there' is just another way that I'm supporting mom and boyfriends daily fun.
I was perfectly willing to add it to my grandson's x box acct that he has here though.
I'm not playing games with mom. I'm just tired of the games she plays.
Then stop playing them with her...she can't play games alone. You *are* participating in them, even by keeping score.
Gifts belong to the child. There is no 'over there". What you buy him belongs to him and he can do what he wants with them. He has every reason to get upset that his *grandmother* is playing games with his mom. So, she sucks. Suck it up and be the bigger person. Buy him what he wants for his birthday
It wasn't his birthday. He asked for a gift card from his grandma so he could use it at his mom's because his mom won't buy him one (she didn't say it but I can read between the lines). It WAS his grandma's birthday and he chose to skip her birthday celebration because he didn't get what he wanted.
Grandma isn't playing games. The mother needs to follow through when she says she's going to do something but it seems since she knows grandma will step up when she doesn't she drops the ball.
Gifts belong to the child. There is no 'over there". What you buy him belongs to him and he can do what he wants with them. He has every reason to get upset that his *grandmother* is playing games with his mom. So, she sucks. Suck it up and be the bigger person. Buy him what he wants for his birthday
Maybe I missed something in the OP but the xbox points wasnt for his birthday. He wanted it to be able to use at his mom's place. He is demanding this item. For me, thats a no-go. I understand that there shouldnt be "over there" but I can understand why there will be. If he takes expensive or really dear gifts to his mom's and then loses or breaks it because no one over there cares about the stuff then I too wouldnt want to buy him stuff that he will take there and it gets destroyed. For me, this cannot be seen as "playing games" just not being a walk over.
OP - You definitely can tell a child that they hurt your feelings. He's a pre-teen at 12 so not really that young. I tell my 6 year olds and even 4 year old when they hurt my feeling and they know to tell us or each other when their feelings are hurt. I understand that your grandson might want his mom to be able to experience the same things that he's doing like school concert but its not really not your job to pay for them and I do think he's old enough to be told this. He is 12 not 5. I would have your son sit down with him and really have a heart to heart, man to man talk with him. His behavior is unacceptable and continuing with this and potentially doing this to people close to him (i.e. dont give me what i want or asked for and I will find a way to hurt you) as a teenager or young man is not a recipe for happiness. You hopefully can still nip this in the bud
As for letting your grandson know that he has hurt your feelings, YES! I have two grandchildren, 3 and 5, with whom I interact daily and, when they've hurt my feelings, I let them know in no uncertain terms. How else are children going to learn that other people, including adults, have feelings and they can't go around behaving badly? I agree that his dad should have a one-on-one discussion, but, you should also have a heart-to-heart talk with him.
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