Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Who's the parent here? Normal, mentally healthy kids don't threaten to kill themselves. Focusing on the name change thing would be a huge mistake. There is something more going on.
I really don't think there's anything wrong with her mentally. I think for the most part she's just being stubborn and is trying to get her way by emotionally blackmailing me. I talked to a few of my friends about it and they suggested I should dismiss it as bluffing. However as a parent it's difficult to completely ignore your child grabbing a knife and threatening to slit their wrists with it, and while I'd love to take her to a therapist so she can talk things through with them she really doesn't want to.
Insomuch as the daughter's desire. Treat it as an investigation task.
Make it that she has to pay for it, gather the forms and have a legal reason for the change.
You will then both go to a lawyer (she pays) and can get further advisal on the process.
I'd be surprised if she follows through since it involves more reading and conjuring up the funds to proceed.
It's a lesson to be sure in how to adjust to the rules of court and how money plays it part.
A parent does have the authority to get the child help when suicide is on the table.
My step daughter wanted to change her name, because she didn't like the first name she was given at birth. She also wanted to change her last name, but didn't want me to adopt her (I did not ask why).
So, we contacted the local judge, processed the paperwork, and VOILA! she had the first name she wanted, and the same last name as her half and step siblings. Everybody was happy.
That was about 20 years ago. Everybody is still happy.
I have to wonder, what if she decided she is really a boy, and wanted to be known as Bob. Would you be supportive then?
IMO, if her happiness depends on changing her name to Filomina Georgia Bacigaplonski, SHE is the one who will have to live with it. Sit her down in front of a judge and change her name, then learn to deal with it!
I really don't think there's anything wrong with her mentally. I think for the most part she's just being stubborn and is trying to get her way by emotionally blackmailing me. I talked to a few of my friends about it and they suggested I should dismiss it as bluffing. However as a parent it's difficult to completely ignore your child grabbing a knife and threatening to slit their wrists with it, and while I'd love to take her to a therapist so she can talk things through with them she really doesn't want to.
If she is really serious about harming herself, does it matter that "she doesn't really want to" talk to a therapist? Are you for real?
If she's trying to emotionally blackmail you, are you really asking us if you should give in and let her change her name?
She wants to change it to Spencer... God knows why, I don't even know anyone by the name Spencer. Only my male friend from high school.
Tell her if she changes it now, as a minor, you, as her parent get a say in what it is. Maybe Spencer Eleanor. If she waits until she's 18, she can change it to whatever she wants.
I'm sorry this is your CHILD, if she's threatening to kill herself you DO whatever she wants. I don't care what she wants to change her name to, you drag her to your local courthouse and you let her be called whatever she wants to be called. Suicide isn't something to be taken lightly.
Authoritarian parents these days don't understand genuine dangers their kids are going through. Just let her change it.
So my daughter (she's 15 right now) has been hounding me for around 3 years now regarding a name change. Her name is Ellie, and I have no idea why she hates it so much, it's a beautiful name! I don't know whether it has anything to do with her grandmother dying, since they shared a name, but she won't tell me when I ask, she just gets angry. The other day we were having an argument about it yet again, and then suddenly she ran to the kitchen, grabbed one of those sharp knives and told me that if I don't allow her to change her name she's going to slit her wrists with that knife. It was alarming, obviously, so now I don't know what to do. I'm worried sick, if I'm going to be honest. I keep on trying to get in touch with my ex-husband but he always somehow dodges my calls. He hasn't really kept in touch since we divorced so he won't be much help either.
I recommended taking her to a therapist so she can discuss her issues openly and freely but as soon as I suggested it she got unbelievably angry at me and started calling me every name in the book.
Ultimately I'm not sure whether I should just let her change the damn name so she can stop with this, or if I should be firm and put my foot down and simply not allow that kind of bratty behavior.
Thanks in advance for any advice
-Adrianna
What do you mean you don't know what to do? You get her professional help NOW! Get on the phone right his very minute!!!! Be a parent! She's 15 and has no choice but to go to therapy if you bring her. Clearly, she needs serious help and she's not talking to you. This is not something to take lightly. And the suicide threat probably has nothing to do with her name really.
And Ellie = elephant. I can totally see why a teenage girl wouldn't want to be called Ellie. The name is an easy target for bullying. I grew up with an odd name that was similar to that stupid She-Ra cartoon. That cartoon came out when I was in middle school and it made my life a living hell. I've HATED my name ever since. I'd ask her what name she'd like to be called and call her that. It can be a nickname until she's old enough to legally change her name.
I've tried recommending a therapist, she's pretty adamant about not wanting to go. It's not like I can drag her there against her will.
You're the adult and the parent. BE THE PARENT!!!! You ABSOLUTELY CAN take her against her will. She won't want to talk with you in the room and that's fine. Do NOT wait until she makes an actual attempt. She may die! Would death be better than dragging a teenager against their will? BE A PARENT!!!!!
What do you mean you don't know what to do? You get her professional help NOW! Get on the phone right his very minute!!!! Be a parent! She's 15 and has no choice but to go to therapy if you bring her. Clearly, she needs serious help and she's not talking to you. This is not something to take lightly. And the suicide threat probably has nothing to do with her name really.
And Ellie = elephant. I can totally see why a teenage girl wouldn't want to be called Ellie. The name is an easy target for bullying. I grew up with an odd name that was similar to that stupid She-Ra cartoon. That cartoon came out when I was in middle school and it made my life a living hell. I've HATED my name ever since. I'd ask her what name she'd like to be called and call her that. It can be a nickname until she's old enough to legally change her name.
What's the point of getting her professional help if she isn't willing to talk to anybody? Say I take her to a therapist, knowing her she's probably just going to sit there for an hour and not say anything. She's an extremely defiant young woman. In addition, if it hasn't got anything to do with her name then why has she been hounding me for 3 years straight?
Ellie is short for Eleanore, it was my late mother's name. Since the age of 2-3 my daughter absolutely despised Eleanore so we shortened it to Ellie, which for the record was a name she had no problem with until she was nearly 13. She wants to change it to Spencer and she wants her middle name (Jessica) to change to Valeria. I haven't met anyone ever under the name Valeria and the only Spencer I've ever been close with is my old male friend from high school. Those names have no personal meaning to me, they're completely random.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
