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Boy this is a long and complicated story but here's the shortest version I can come up with: I'm a single mom to an 8-year-old girl and an 18-year-old son. Her dad ( he was my son's stepdad) passed away when she was 2. For me, making all the decisions on my own has actually not been a problem for me at all till now so I'm here asking for some feedback, ideas, suggestions.
I've been searching for my first house to purchase in a particular area. After months of searching, I still haven't found the right one. There's not much available in the area where I"m looking but I know for sure I want to live there and like the schools..so that part is solid. The part that is not solid right now is IF I don't find a house before school starts, what will I do with her? She attended a charter school the past two years but I am not sending her back due to lack of support with her special needs issues (she has selective mutism) and the experience was hard on her academically without proper support. Although she loved certain parts of school and even with her issues, enjoyed the social connection, field trips, enrichment classes, etc. But returning there even temporarily is not an option at this point for many reasons.
The way I see it, I have two options while I wait for my house to show up!
Option one is to temporarily send her to our neighborhood school. It's considered a good school but academically, she will be behind, no doubt because she is coming from a montessori-based program where the kids progressed at a more individual, lower pressure pace. And with weak support, she fell way behind and is reading at about a 1st grade level and she's going into 3rd. So, an IEP (which she has now) is obviously going to be needed. But I'm concerned about her anxiety issues...putting her in this new school for possibly just a few months or could be half the year. It's anyone's guess. And then pull her again and place her in another new school once we move, which I know eventually we will. Problem is that it takes her months before she feels comfortable each new school year. At least that's been the trend.
Option 2 is not my favorite option but I could homeschool her and then place her in the new school once we move. I've never homeschooled. Nothing against it but I know I'm not cut out for it in the long haul. I do work from home and have the flexibility to do it but I am concerned about her being home with me day after day. She really goes a little stir crazy, as I have seen over xmas break and summer if I don't have lots for her to do outside of home. I love having her with with me and we have a great bond but I think the time at school, even with her issues, is important and necessary. I'm worried about too much time away from that might actually make it harder to return. But I also don't want to increase her anxiety.
If she didn't have the anxiety issues, I wouldn't be as concerned about any of this.
Of course, I'm optimisic and hopeful that I'll find a house before school starts. Even if I find one shortly before school starts, I'll commute her there till I close if I have to.
My wise son, who acclimated to new situations very easily as a child, actually told me he thought I was being overly cautious and to tell her it will be like going to a camp. To tell her it's just for awhile till you go to your real new school. Maybe that's the way to look at it. Hmmm....
Am I just being overly protective? I hate this dilemma..especially since I really have no idea what the timing of all this will be! I'm open to thoughts, ideas, suggestions, if anyone can offer it.
Why don't you rent in your new area for a year ? It will take the pressure off finding a home.
Some school districts won't let you enroll a child unless you can prove a legal address in that district. Thus, trying to send her there while you wait to close may not work. Check with the school system in that new area to see how they do things.
Also, moving can be a big deal for some kids. Moving to a new house at the same time the child is going to a new school can be a bit much for some kids. Sounds like this may be true for your daughter.
Renting can get you into the school district this summer, like right away. Gives your daughter time to adjust before the school year starts. It saves her the stress of making multiple school changes.
If timing is an issue (even if you rent it might take some time to fine a place) most states have online school so she could start there (and you wont have to learn everything about homeschooling all at once) and then transfer into school more seamlessly when y ou have an address. I would try not to transfer schools, if possible. Especially with an anxiety disorder at play.
I had to homeschool for 4 months but it was mid year so I couldn't sign up for the online school. I hired a nanny (young woman, college student) to come 3 half days a week and just take the kids for an outing. That way they got some extra timeout and about, and I could get more done and have some free time.
Why don't you rent in your new area for a year ? It will take the pressure off finding a home.
Some school districts won't let you enroll a child unless you can prove a legal address in that district. Thus, trying to send her there while you wait to close may not work. Check with the school system in that new area to see how they do things.
Also, moving can be a big deal for some kids. Moving to a new house at the same time the child is going to a new school can be a bit much for some kids. Sounds like this may be true for your daughter.
Renting can get you into the school district this summer, like right away. Gives your daughter time to adjust before the school year starts. It saves her the stress of making multiple school changes.
That's a great idea but my concern is that I'll find a great house and then be locked into a lease. I've been searching for month-to-month rentals but haven't found one yet. Unless I found an understanding landlord who will let me out should I find something. Hmmm....Thanks for the suggestion!
If timing is an issue (even if you rent it might take some time to fine a place) most states have online school so she could start there (and you wont have to learn everything about homeschooling all at once) and then transfer into school more seamlessly when y ou have an address. I would try not to transfer schools, if possible. Especially with an anxiety disorder at play.
I had to homeschool for 4 months but it was mid year so I couldn't sign up for the online school. I hired a nanny (young woman, college student) to come 3 half days a week and just take the kids for an outing. That way they got some extra timeout and about, and I could get more done and have some free time.
That's a great idea. She would probably love online school actually.
One of my kids has OCD and had issues at school. She has issues at home too, of course, but her OCD is much easier to manage at home. She used to get so stressed out by school that she barely ate or spoke during the school year. Her teachers thought she was just really quiet and well-behaved, other than getting frustrated with her for how often she wanted to wash her hands. I didn't know then that she had OCD, thought she was just unusually intelligent and that made her worry more about some things than other kids. She does really well with online school. The only school-related problem we have now is during the standardized tests. She always keeps a high A average but had extreme trouble with the standardized tests. This year (after receiving the OCD diagnosis) we asked if she could bring hand sanitizer to use during her standardized tests and she did really well on them.
Anyhow, online school is available in lots of states. Different schools will have different requirements in addition to the state requirements. In TX the kids have to be 3rd grade and up and have to have attended a TX public school before they go to online school. I've heard that some of the online schools require 8 hours a day spent at a computer, but the one my kids go to requires a minimum of 5 hours a day of school work (not all online) and for us that includes PE and time spent reading a book of their choice. In elementary my daughters never needed more than 4 hours a day to complete lessons, my older daughter just finished middle school and she spent 6 to 9 hours a day, depending on the amount of work. Sometimes she'd get behind and have to work on the weekends too. The way our school works is that the textbooks and workbooks arrive in the mail, and then the kids log on to the school website each day. They have a list of lessons on the planner for the day, and they work on those lessons. They may also have a couple of "live lessons" which are lessons that a teacher gives using a webcam. The kids can work ahead if they want to. You can schedule the lessons as blocks, for example science one day, math another day, and so on, if your child works better that way. You can also work at a different time of day than traditional school hours, which is nice when they get to those teen years and get so sluggish before noon.
My concerns here are somewhat different - your daughter is woefully behind in her reading skills, and third grade tends to be make-or-break when it comes to reading. If solid reading skills are not established by the end of third grade, children typically have a very hard time academically and often fall farther and farther behind as the years pass.
So...are you presently working with her to encourage her to read and to help her? Is she enrolled in your public library's summer reading program? Did her second grade teacher offer any specific suggestions about her difficulties with reading? Has she had any testing to try to pinpoint the problem? Does she need glasses or hearing aids? Does she enjoy reading, or is it too frustrating? Do you read age-appropriate material aloud to her? How much time does she spend in front of a screen, large or small? Is she being tutored in reading this summer?
So here are some time-tested sure-fire suggestions: take your child to the public library and help her find material that interests her and that she can read easily. Add a few things to the stack which are a bit more challenging. Top off the bookstack with things you will read aloud to her. Talk to the children's librarian, and get some booklists for first, second, and third graders. Enroll her in summer reading. Ask about various library programs, particularly those with literary tie-ins.
Look for simple mysteries, humorous books, craft books, joke and riddle books, books about whatever topic interests her. If you will be traveling, find books on your destination or places along the way. Books about moving might serve a double purpose. Just get books into her life - lots of books.
Minimize her exposure to TV and for now, to computers and/or Smartphones. Increase her exposure to print. Look for good children's magazines - "Cricket" is excellent, although it would be challenging for her to read (interest level would be fine). "American Girl Magazine" might also work well.
Push bedtime back by fifteen minutes to half an hour with the understanding that she must be in bed, reading, during this time. Just reading, whatever she chooses to read - no TV, no computer, no radio, no earbuds, no phone, no recordings of any kind - just her and her book and maybe her Teddy, snug in bed reading. Doesn't want to read in bed? Fine, lights go out at the usual time.
Make bedtime books easily accessible and give her a little flashlight - she'll probably read under the covers and think she's getting away with it. Read a simple mystery or exciting short story aloud and find some reason you just have to stop reading right now - at the most exciting part. Leave the book nearby so she can finish it herself if she wants, but don't make a big deal of it.
Good luck in finding your new home and the best school for your daughter - and good luck turning her into a child who enjoys and is comfortable reading books.
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