SAHM putting their kids in daycare/preschools (infant, single parent, wife)

[momof2dfw]

Originally Posted by anifani821

Thought the potty training would qualify me. Of course, he is now 24, 6' 2" tall and as far as I know, has no bathroom issues, so all is well that ends well, as it were.

And momof2 . . . would you please tell me how you escaped the Stage Mommy Syndrome - being located in The Big D????? I am impressed. Truly.

Then I do have hope. I have a 9 yo that still has some issues. Thankfully nothing has happened while at school but at home she gets busy playing and forgets.

Guess I was so repulsed by those that were such that I could not help but run from it. My mom was never one so I guess I never chose to "live thru my children". The sight of those that were and still are scares me. Seeing grown women wearing their childs medals around their own necks was very eye opening. This is also one reason why I drop my children off at their once a week gymnastics class and come back to pick them up as they are getting out. They are only in the class because THEY wanted to and it took me a year to finally sign them up after dh and the kids all prodded me to do so. Bad mommy I know.

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by momof2dfw

Then I do have hope. I have a 9 yo that still has some issues. Thankfully nothing has happened while at school but at home she gets busy playing and forgets.

Guess I was so repulsed by those that were such that I could not help but run from it. My mom was never one so I guess I never chose to "live thru my children". The sight of those that were and still are scares me. Seeing grown women wearing their childs medals around their own necks was very eye opening. This is also one reason why I drop my children off at their once a week gymnastics class and come back to pick them up as they are getting out. They are only in the class because THEY wanted to and it took me a year to finally sign them up after dh and the kids all prodded me to do so. Bad mommy I know.

We are put here to teach our children everything we possibly can to prepare them to leave our nest. I believe part of that is making kids feel confident about their abilities to handle situations - as well as - learning to succeed (or dealing w/ failure) on their own. We are there to wipe their tears, cheer them on . . . but part of learning how to deal w/ life's disappointments as an adult is learning how to manage those challenges as a child. If nothing ever goes wrong . . . and all we ever hear is praise . . . then how do we, as adults, deal w/ the real world - where excellence really is measured and the responsibility for sinking or swimming is on our shoulders?

I am over-protective in some ways so have had to learn to back off and let my kids attempt to do new things on their own . . . knowing that I am there, as a back up . . . but I can't "make it happen for them," they have to make it happen for themselves.

Back to the OP's post . . . maybe some mothers who stay at home . . . realize that their kids need a break from them just as they need a break from their kids. It is good for children to learn that one needs many different types of coping skills to navigate in life. Not everyone is the warm, fuzzy spot to land like momma is.

As a mom who has grown kids . . the best gift we can give them is the confidence to believe in themselves . . . and stand on their own two feet as responsible adults. (Sure is hard letting them go, tho!!!)

[sskkc]

"And other reasons why I should get "Slacker Mommy of the Year":
1. I get my house cleaned every other week."

This doesn't make you a slacker, this makes you a bit**... can't wait til we can afford it though. Then it'll be alright. But until then, I will sit here and hate you.

[stargazer]

Oh my goodness, I can't believe this orginal post or the thread in general.

What I want you to understand that one day, YOU could forcibly have to put your child in a preschool or daycare... You never know.

I have been a SAHM for 12 years and finally after my youngest went to kindergarten decided to work in the preschool side of my son's school as an aide.

Over the years of rearing my kids, I have done play groups, asked friends to help, had family ( when I lived near them) not be able to help which was most of the time, they weren't of any help really. The play group I was apart of, I actually was the leader at one point and was apart of that for about 2 years. ... What was reliable was the school and it not only served time for me to be able and go home and clean my house, buy groceries , go to the ob/gyn or get my hair done., it was time that my children were in a structured enviroment. What I have found through life is that sometimes people aren't going to as reliable. If you have that right now, that is great but one day it might not be... You might not have someone to watch your kids while you run an errand...

Point I want to get across, the times I put my kids in preschool for the 2 day a week program WAS NOT letting someone else RAISE my kids. They weren't a substitude for ME.. out of the 168 hours a week, I had someone watch them 10 hours... That is hardly letting someone else raise my kids!

You actually contradicted yourself because you are allowing others to WATCH your kids while you run errands. Someone could say that could equate out to having someone else RAISE your kids..
Think about that? Doesn't that sound absurd? You statement is quite absurd about pre school ..

Where I work now, the kids are really getting prepared for kindergarten. I have seen kids through the years who did not go to pre school and weren't ready for kindergarten and the ones who did, do much better. There are things too that in preschool they look for, for the development of your child. They would show beginning of the year work with end of year.. show the vast improvements, show the skills as far as talking, reading, countings, shapes... all great imo... Now I worked with my kids at home too but I felt school was great and preparing them more. I see everyday the kids in school learning new things and oh boy love to do crafts, show their parents what they did, it is pure joy..


I just feel that the op's intentions were to get a rise out of people and to vent. I can't believe that there is someone out there who can judge ME for putting my kids in preschool! OMGoodness..

[anifani821]

Stargazer, your post was so on target. Like I said earlier, the best thing a momma can do is create a support system. For some of us (especially transplants to another area) there simply are no family members to "help out" and friends are not always easy to make.

Daycare, pre-school, playschool, Mommy's Morning Out - babysitters, nannies - all those support systems are wonderful. If a person can trade off some babysitting time w/ other mothers, that is great, too, but for most of us, that just wasn't always feasible.

Anyone who thinks having "help" raising your children means someone else was "raising those children" is unrealistic - and judgmental.

I will say it again - we don't need Mommy Wars - we women need to bolster each other, give support, a pat on the back . . . we are all doing our best, and that means - finding whatever works for us in order to raise our kids.

Stargazer - you sound like a great mom!!!! And it doesn't matter how many hours a week your child is in daycare . . . we are raising our children and are responsible for them - so anyone who thinks just b/c we have a nanny or a babysitter or daycare help that we are not raising our children . . . see who gets up w/ that child when he/she is sick at nite. (When children go off to kindergarten, do we say the school is raising our kids??? NOT HARDLY!!!)

[coffeehound]

I don't think it's a big deal, especially for a mom with multiple kids. I'm about to have three babies under the age of four and I sometimes wonder if a part-day program wouldn't benefit my oldest child, especially during the dreary winter.

Give him some stimulation I will likely be too preoccupied and tired to give him, and cut me a little slack.

Of course, I also worry that he'll pick up bad habits from a preschool, much as I've seen some of my friends' kids pick up some pretty shocking anti-social habits from the daycare center.

And, anyway, my mom had three kids that close together. None of us went to preschool, and we all turned out quite fine. I don't remember feeling "neglected."

OTOH, my mom lived closer to HER mom, who could provide respite childcare for my folks and a change of scenery for us kids. (Let's pack our bags and go spend the night with grandma! Yay! lol.)

Eh, it's all sort of individual, I suppose.

[therewego]

Originally Posted by movingtohouston

I stay home with my son (3) and I will be sending to him preschool next year. Preschool is to prepare him for kindergarten. It helps the child adjust to having to go to school, sit for extended periods of time, socialize etc... Yes, I will admit that his going to preschool will give me a break. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have friends willing to watch their children for them every time they need to run an errand or go have lunch. I am one of those people. I am with my kids 24hours a day, 7 days a week. Yes I chose to stay home but everyone needs a break sometime even if it is 2hours twice a week. So I am looking forward to next year for the four hours a week I can have a return to sanity.

I totally agree with movingtohouston on this. It is to prepare children for kindergarten. I am as good as a mom as I can be but I don't know the first thing about teaching my child how to write her name and she learned that the first year she was in preschool. If you don't "want" or can't put your kids in preschool, I don't see why the OP is whining about others that "want to or can". The OP's son is 22 months old but wait until he is 3 or 3 1/2 and he running circles around her because he is bored and not stimulated enough, or she can't potty train him and she is frustrated...that's when the fun begins....I also use my time to "be able and go home and clean my house, buy groceries , go to the ob/gyn" or go to the dentist, FUN things like that.

[twinmma]

I didn't read the entire thread so forgive me if I am repeating or not getting the entire idea here.
I am a SAHM to 15 month old twins. I am NOT stay at home by choice...daycare is too expensive for two (or more) the same age. It is expensive for one...now add another to the mix. So, cheaper for me to stay home. I miss work. I would love to use the degree I worked so darn hard for. But, I love my kids and am thankful I get the opportunity to be with them.
That being said...my husband and I have talked about putting them in SOMETHING for a half day once a week...or maybe twice a week. Why? B/c being a SAHM is HARD. Harder than any other job I have ever had. B/c everyday I feel like I lose a little bit of what makes me me. B/c I think it is important for the socializing of the kids...yes, we have play dates and go to some free programs at the library, but it is not the same. I think it is important for kids to seperate a little from mom and dad and learn independence. b/c I can't teach them stuff a teacher can...either I may not know the subject or b/c they don't listen as well to the person who has to tell them No when they are doing something wrong.
That is why I think it is an option for me. Will I do it? I don't know. But I like that I can if I need to. I don't think someone should be judged for exploring those options or for actually doing them.
I do think it is wrong to put them in daycare just so you can shop 5 days a week and go to lunch with friends everyday. But, I don't think it is wrong so mommy can maybe go to a class once a week or twice a week to remember who she is and why she had kids in the first place. When you are not whole how in the world can your kids be?

[FarNorthDallas]

Eh...preschool, day care, yes, no, stay home, don't stay home, work, don't work...it doesn't really matter in the end.

But it's hypocritical to criticize moms for using preschool/daycare and then turn around and enroll your kids in kindergarten. There's nothing magical about age 5 where all of a sudden it's socially acceptable to leave your kids for 7 hours a day. If you're going to criticize the use of preschool/daycare, your next sentence needs to be, "I am homeschooling."

[KristyLiz]

I will preface my reply by saying that I haven't read all the replies, but having been on parenting message boards for many years, I have a pretty good idea the twists and turns this thread has taken.

All I know is that we women are our own worst enemies! We can be so super judgemental of the choices each of us makes, when what we should be is supportive.

I have been a FT SAHM for 7 years now (I have 3 boys 7, 5 & 2), and while I do/did send my kids to preschool a few hours a week, I sometimes wished I had the extra money to send them to daycare a few days a week - the kids and I could have used the break from each other

Staying home FT can be very isolating, so I have always made an effort to meet other moms so I had people to 'play' with during the week. It's good for the kids and for me, however, some time without the kids would be very good for me as well. You know the saying, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"

Again, my husband and I made this choice for me to stay home because for our family it was the best decision, but that in no way entitles me to be judgemental of what other parents choose to do.