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Old 02-27-2008, 10:41 PM
 
Location: Happy in Utah
1,224 posts, read 2,940,338 times
Reputation: 901

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why are we beating eachother up, over different parenting styles? What might work for some will not work for others, in no way does that make one person better than another person. Its like my Mom allways said " no one is better than you and you are not better than anyone" If the child is not being abused and is getting proper care and attention from the parents and they are loved, then who am I to judge wether or not if they are in day care. AS for my very busy 4 yr old he is no where near ready for preschool, infact when he does start school he will be a year older than his classmates. Only beacuse I think he might need that extra year. In some eyes this makes me a bad parent.

 
Old 02-28-2008, 04:14 PM
 
Location: New York
371 posts, read 1,784,605 times
Reputation: 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by sbd78 View Post
. . . Usually the term stay at home mom implies you are staying at home to raise and care for your children. . . .
Raising and caring for the kids, doing the laundry, the cleaning, the errands, the cooking . . . No coffee breaks, no vacations, no lunch breaks (after the naps cease).

Okay. I have a 5 year old and he's with me 24/7 because I can't afford to have him attend a preschool, but if I could I would. He's an only child. We belong to a Mom's group that meets twice a month and has several get-togethers during a month. I would STILL get him into a part-time preschool just for fun. He thrives on being with other children, but I can't supply him with that every day and guess what - some days, some days, you might get this little light bulb moment "Hey, I think I would like to go do something by myself." I guess I shouldn't be a mom because I'm too selfish.

I see this post has gotten a lot of response and I can totally understand why.
 
Old 02-28-2008, 06:02 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,208,403 times
Reputation: 1837
Default judgmental moms

Quote:
Originally Posted by Homewardbound66 View Post
Raising and caring for the kids, doing the laundry, the cleaning, the errands, the cooking . . . No coffee breaks, no vacations, no lunch breaks (after the naps cease).

Okay. I have a 5 year old and he's with me 24/7 because I can't afford to have him attend a preschool, but if I could I would. He's an only child. We belong to a Mom's group that meets twice a month and has several get-togethers during a month. I would STILL get him into a part-time preschool just for fun. He thrives on being with other children, but I can't supply him with that every day and guess what - some days, some days, you might get this little light bulb moment "Hey, I think I would like to go do something by myself." I guess I shouldn't be a mom because I'm too selfish.

I see this post has gotten a lot of response and I can totally understand why.
I hear ya there!!!!!!!!!!! I send my kids 2 days a week and on those days, in addition to doing fun stuff like mopping, washing, going to ob/dentist/eye dr, I also joined a book club...I experienced firsthand judgement from another mom that was supposedly my friend because I joined a book club. She got the impression that raising my kids was boring and I needed an outlet like a bookclub; because I would like to keep up my vocabulary, and speak to other adults about a book, she judged me about it. what I am saying, is there are so many moms out there that think we are horrible moms like you said: "Hey, I think I would like to go do something by myself." I guess I shouldn't be a mom because I'm too selfish." I was totally discouraged by her friendship and that is why I find it so hard too, to make friends with other moms because they are so judgmental.
 
Old 02-28-2008, 07:29 PM
 
Location: Chicago's burbs
1,013 posts, read 4,061,585 times
Reputation: 905
Quote:
Originally Posted by Homewardbound66 View Post
Raising and caring for the kids, doing the laundry, the cleaning, the errands, the cooking . . . No coffee breaks, no vacations, no lunch breaks (after the naps cease).

Okay. I have a 5 year old and he's with me 24/7 because I can't afford to have him attend a preschool, but if I could I would. He's an only child. We belong to a Mom's group that meets twice a month and has several get-togethers during a month. I would STILL get him into a part-time preschool just for fun. He thrives on being with other children, but I can't supply him with that every day and guess what - some days, some days, you might get this little light bulb moment "Hey, I think I would like to go do something by myself." I guess I shouldn't be a mom because I'm too selfish.

I see this post has gotten a lot of response and I can totally understand why.
This is misleading, you only used a portion of my post. My entire post was this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by sbd78 View Post
I wouldn't say that it bothers me, I just don't understand the point. Usually the term stay at home mom implies you are staying at home to raise and care for your children. If you are a SAHM, but you are not caring for your children because they are in full time daycare (and I'm talking full time, 40+ hours a week, not a few hours of preschool), then why are you a stay at home mom in the first place?
I see nothing wrong with putting your child in preschool. I will most likely put my child in preschool when he is old enough. What I was saying I don't understand are SAHM's who put their children in FULL TIME day care, so they can shop and go to lunches all day long, 40+ hours a week. (This post was part of a discussion I was having with another poster.) Of course, everyone needs a break, as do I, and I see nothing wrong with putting your child in a part time preschool. I thought I made that clear.

Last edited by sbd78; 02-28-2008 at 07:53 PM..
 
Old 02-28-2008, 08:02 PM
 
Location: CA
2,464 posts, read 5,685,266 times
Reputation: 2587
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommiewrites View Post
This is going to be a little bit of a rant, so excuse me if you will- and it is NOT directed at those who have to work and need daycare (because that's a whole different situation), but rather those who are stay at home moms putting their kids in these types of places.

WHY? Let your kids be kids. Stop worrying about your kiddos 'intellectual' abilities. They learn through good, old fashioned play. You want to stay home with them, then STAY HOME WITH THEM. don't send them to a daycare for the day (or half day). Whats the point of you staying home?

Social Interaction- join a playgroup go to the park or the mall - one of our malls has a baby/toddler play area and theres ALWAYS kids in there!! My best friend has kids right around my sons age, and we get together about once a week and let them have fun! We talk in grown up words and they push cars around the floor. Its a win win situation! lol

Sorry- its just once of my pet peeves. Yes, moms need a break sometimes, I'll be the first in line to admit that, but thats where friends come in and your playtimes. Sometimes I watch my friends kids(3) so she can run errands or have her haircut and sometimes she watches mine so I can do the same!

I have a 22 month old, and I can't IMAGINE sending him to a daycare for ANY reason!

I send my oldest (who is speeched delayed) into preschool two times a week for half a day. Being around other kids who talk constantly has helped her significantly - this is one of the reasons why she goes (I am a SAHM).

It really amazes me how anyone could have the gall to sit up on their high horse and cast judgement on matters that are - frankly - none of their business.
 
Old 02-29-2008, 06:31 AM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,341,204 times
Reputation: 848
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommabear2 View Post
It really amazes me how anyone could have the gall to sit up on their high horse and cast judgement on matters that are - frankly - none of their business.
See, now I think if the OP is that concerned and curious, she should just come right out and ask the offending SAHM, "Excuse me, why do you put your child in daycare if you don't work outside of the home?" Or is that considered more rude than making assumptions and judgements behind somebody's back about something that is none of their business and that's where she draws the line?
 
Old 02-29-2008, 12:28 PM
 
2,159 posts, read 3,733,501 times
Reputation: 2136
My son has gone to daycare fulltime while I stayed at home. Again- what is it your business? He is being well cared for and when he is at home you can tell he misses interacting with the other children. He is on a better schedule, sleeps better, has progressed very well- was crawling (not creeping or anything- full crawling) at 5 months. He has picked up on things earlier by watching the boys that are a few months older than him at daycare

I am able to keep a very clean house, have dinner cooked, spend time studying for my online graphic design degree and run errands here and there without worrying about if my son will get sick getting in and out of the car due to the winter weather.

Oh, and it is a blessing for those days when I get my migraines- as a long time sufferer of them- you can't work them around his naps.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sbd78 View Post
This is misleading, you only used a portion of my post. My entire post was this:

I see nothing wrong with putting your child in preschool. I will most likely put my child in preschool when he is old enough. What I was saying I don't understand are SAHM's who put their children in FULL TIME day care, so they can shop and go to lunches all day long, 40+ hours a week. (This post was part of a discussion I was having with another poster.) Of course, everyone needs a break, as do I, and I see nothing wrong with putting your child in a part time preschool. I thought I made that clear.
 
Old 02-29-2008, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Chicago's burbs
1,013 posts, read 4,061,585 times
Reputation: 905
Quote:
Originally Posted by NEOhioBound View Post
My son has gone to daycare fulltime while I stayed at home. Again- what is it your business? He is being well cared for and when he is at home you can tell he misses interacting with the other children. He is on a better schedule, sleeps better, has progressed very well- was crawling (not creeping or anything- full crawling) at 5 months. He has picked up on things earlier by watching the boys that are a few months older than him at daycare

I am able to keep a very clean house, have dinner cooked, spend time studying for my online graphic design degree and run errands here and there without worrying about if my son will get sick getting in and out of the car due to the winter weather.

Oh, and it is a blessing for those days when I get my migraines- as a long time sufferer of them- you can't work them around his naps.
Is it my business what others do? No, and believe me, I'm really not losing any sleep over it. I understand that everyone has their own set of circumstances and nothing is black and white. You mentioned you are a student working on a degree-that in itself is a job and it is understandable you would need childcare to get your studies done. Me personally, I had a career before I had my son. I was planning on going back to work after he was born, but once he came I desperately wanted to stay home with him, so hubby and I made it work so that I was able to. It's been a sacrifice, but a worthwhile one to me. So, if I was going to put my child in full time day care, I wouldn't have left my job. That's just my personal experience. That doesn't mean I think Mom's that stay home don't need a break. (I need breaks too.) That doesn't mean I think sending your child to preschool to learn social skills and prepare them for kindergarten is bad. (I most likely will send my son to preschool when he is old enough.) That doesn't mean I don't realize there are a million different special circumstances that would make it neccesary for a SAHM to put her child in full time day care. Really, what SAHM's do with their kids is not a huge issue for me-I really don't care.
 
Old 02-29-2008, 02:07 PM
 
4,721 posts, read 13,610,199 times
Reputation: 4685
We live in the boonies, I was an older mom with no peers/pals in my shoes and,starting at 2 1/2, twice a week from 9-11:30 I put my son in a Montessori School. He loved it, had kids around his own age, its a gentle approach to "teaching" and he had loads of fun,,,and I got stuff done around the house or gardened, shopped for shoes etc. Money well spent.
 
Old 03-02-2008, 02:39 PM
 
1,059 posts, read 1,635,625 times
Reputation: 793
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