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Old 03-05-2008, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Chicago
5,412 posts, read 8,290,648 times
Reputation: 6352

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Quote:
Originally Posted by paper doll View Post
Like I said, it's the area, it's the peers, it's a lot of things. I only know one SAHM who has an associate's degree. The rest have barely finished high school. So again, even when considering the education levels, I still feel like the black sheep. I took up arts and crafts so that I could entertain the kids with and teach them something. Neither one of my parents ever took arts and crafts for my sake and I don't know any other parents, not even my DH who really couldn't be a better father, who has resolved to try to learn something new for their children. I study history, ergo our 5 yr old can talk up a storm about the civil rights movement of the 60s, Greek mythology, world lit, and some surrealist painters. I don't know any other parents who do this. I'm considered weird for teaching them things like these, things that are way out of their grasp (but in fact really aren't).

orrmobl, therewego and 5FLgirls echo mine and my DH's experience with our children and other parents around us. It really is not my imagination or isolated experiences. Consider yourselves lucky to be in such good company with other active moms.

I agree, it's the area in which you live. I'm in a Chicago suburb with a very high educational level. Most of the SAHM's in my town have at least a bachelor's degree. Many have Masters. I have one SAHM friend who is a lawyer (she volunteers on the school board). Another SAHM friend is a pediatrician (her husband is also a DR). I have a Masters, own a business, and worked 10+ years as a business consultant B4 having kids. There still seems to be a stereotype that SAHM are uneducated or never had a profession.

I teach my kids many of the things you mentioned. We have Hirsch's set of "What every xx grader should know" books which have a history focus. We also have a set of the Jr. Great Books. I take them to the Chicago Art Institute to look at surrealist paintings, historical sites in the city, etc.

In my last town, I experienced some of the same problems with playgroups. The moms there also seemed - well - dull and lazy. Like you, I am very energetic (too much coffee?) and fit. I ended up chasing all their kids while they sat on the couch. That was the only time I attended that playgroup.

Chicago has lots of moms groups based on various interests. And there are lots of opportunities to connect with moms like me. But I know, if you're living in a small town, the options are more limited (that's one of the reasons I would only live in a large metro area). Anyway, I do consider myself lucky to have active moms in the area. But this was a conscious decision I made to surround myself with these type of positive, inspiring moms.

Last edited by GoCUBS1; 03-05-2008 at 10:35 AM..

 
Old 03-05-2008, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Chicago
5,412 posts, read 8,290,648 times
Reputation: 6352
Just one more thing - if you've had problems with playgroups meeting your needs, why not start one of your own (that's what I did)? For example, you could have one with a history focus, or an art focus, or just for SAHD's, etc... You could be a role model for other SAH parents who are in your shoes.
 
Old 03-05-2008, 10:57 AM
 
Location: USA
1,244 posts, read 2,823,145 times
Reputation: 765
I haven't read all the answers found in this thread but just want to give my perspective on it.

If mother has the ability and desire to stay home with their young children I believe that is a wonderful thing. When my children were little that is exactly what I was afforded to do. up until the age of 3 they were home with me. We did the mommy and me classes and went to the park and playgroups and had tons of fun. I remember all the little plastic lunches that they brought me and all the little crafts that we did. Gifts for the holidays from the kids were always handmade and so much fun to create. We also had intellectual time of learning ABC's and Numbers as well as reading etc.

However, by the time that they were 3-4, I did place them in pre-school. Why? Because they also needed to interact with other kids at a different level than with mommy right there. They needed to learn to function within the structure of a classroom for what in my opinion was preparation for pre-kinder or kindergarten. I also felt this would go preparing them to deal with seperation from mommy when the time came that they had to go to school.

Doing so I don't believe hurt them in any way. In fact there were times when I'd even spend time with them in the pre-school as it was a small family operated one and parents were welcomed to stick around and participate. I do believe this helped them adapt well to not being with me all the time. I also believe that when they did start Kindergarten, they were far more prepared and even advanced than some other children. Not because they were forced into it, but because they had some foundation. I'd see them helping other kids and this aided in their self-esteem and feeling of teamwork and cooperation.

So I don't think it is a completely bad thing and as long as it is being done for the right reasons there is nothing wrong with it. I do however not understand how or why a stay at home mom would put an infant or toddler under the age of 3 in daycare. But that's just me.
 
Old 03-05-2008, 11:42 AM
 
3,893 posts, read 9,368,547 times
Reputation: 3042
Well-said, mari4him.

I don't regret a minute I spent with my kids when they were small, nor do I regret the 2 mornings a week they were in our parent co-op preschool.

I know a couple who both work fulltime to afford their very expensive home, cars and vacations. It works for them. What I don't get, though, is that when one of them is home (day off, vacation, whatever), they still drop the little ones at daycare. I found this out when I made the mistake of saying how much the kids must have enjoyed the dad's 3 weeks before starting his new job. This was met with a blank stare. I explained they must have loved having him all to themselves each day. The mom laughed and said kids need routine, so they never keep them home.

How sad.....
 
Old 03-05-2008, 11:53 AM
 
Location: Chicago
5,412 posts, read 8,290,648 times
Reputation: 6352
Quote:
Originally Posted by akm4 View Post
Well-said, mari4him.

I don't regret a minute I spent with my kids when they were small, nor do I regret the 2 mornings a week they were in our parent co-op preschool.

I know a couple who both work fulltime to afford their very expensive home, cars and vacations. It works for them. What I don't get, though, is that when one of them is home (day off, vacation, whatever), they still drop the little ones at daycare. I found this out when I made the mistake of saying how much the kids must have enjoyed the dad's 3 weeks before starting his new job. This was met with a blank stare. I explained they must have loved having him all to themselves each day. The mom laughed and said kids need routine, so they never keep them home.

How sad.....
That is sad. There is a couple in my neighborhood who work fulltime. They work long hours and their kids are in day care. This is what I don't get - every Sat. & Sun. morning their 2 kids (6 and 8) show up on my doorstep to play with our kids. They usually stay all day and into the evening. I feed them lunch and sometimes dinner. The parents NEVER check in on them and there have been times where I had to call them after 8 pm to p/u their kids. My DH and I have no idea why this couple had kids as they are either in day care or at my house. They never see their kids!
 
Old 03-05-2008, 01:26 PM
 
3,893 posts, read 9,368,547 times
Reputation: 3042
That's awful. You know those poor little guys will remember this when they grow up and have children. How will those parents explain themselves?? Put aside the staggering thoughtlessness required to let you watch their kids, and you still have to wonder what they're thinking. Those children could be ANYWHERE, and I doubt they'd notice, from the sound of it.

Amazing.....
 
Old 03-05-2008, 08:00 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,212,216 times
Reputation: 1837
Quote:
Originally Posted by akm4 View Post
Well-said, mari4him.

I don't regret a minute I spent with my kids when they were small, nor do I regret the 2 mornings a week they were in our parent co-op preschool.

I know a couple who both work fulltime to afford their very expensive home, cars and vacations. It works for them. What I don't get, though, is that when one of them is home (day off, vacation, whatever), they still drop the little ones at daycare. I found this out when I made the mistake of saying how much the kids must have enjoyed the dad's 3 weeks before starting his new job. This was met with a blank stare. I explained they must have loved having him all to themselves each day. The mom laughed and said kids need routine, so they never keep them home.

How sad.....
That is very sad indeed...I was just talking to a person I had just met somewhere and she said she works 3 days a week and asked if I worked, I said I work at home as a SAHM. She said how do I stand it being so much with them because on her 2 days w/her kids, she can't stand it. I was actually envious of her that she could find balance w/a job that allowed her to work p/t but after that comment, I really felt bad for her. I like my kids; Ho hum..............
 
Old 03-05-2008, 09:23 PM
 
1,067 posts, read 5,036,433 times
Reputation: 543
I really didn't want to bring this up but I guess I will... after all were all sharing.

I lived down the street once upon a time from a woman who stayed home all day watching tv, I don't remember seeing her out about. She had her very own private study too which she said she was in most of the time managing her household by budgeting, making to do list ect.

She told me she had too, afterall she had a huge home.. all true... Her husband and her had only 1 child too and she sent him 5 days a week from 8:30 to 5 every day to school and she told me it was good for him.. I told her I only sent my daughter 2 times a week and she was doing beautifully in Kindergarten.. she could really give me no concrete reason why she did that. I truly believe that sometimes we need help but there was something wrong that I felt she wasn't divulging. I left it alone and figured she had to be depressed.. which rang true for my sil who did the same thing with my niecem her only child. She sent her 9-3 while she sat in her house cleaning it and watching tv while my brother was out pounding the pavement LOOKING for a job.. This went on for about 3 months when I get a phone call and her begging me to talk to my brother to find a JOB, they were running out of money. I then pipped up and told her that since she was sending her daughter to daycare everyday, she had the perfect opportunity to get out and get a job to help out.... she then went into how good it is for her daughter to be there... I never questioned that.. the subject just changed because she did not want to get a job.

I truly believe that if a parent is sending their kids to daycare full time and they aren't doing anything but sitting around the house that there has to be some sort of issue going on.. For me pre school was the time I needed to get things done as I said, a time BEHIND THE SCENES. I had to be on stage front and center ready to take charge of the kids when I picked them up.. Qwim? The time OFF from them gave me time to get my chores done... now I still cleaned my house with my kids around... I dont believe that you don't need your kids gone from you a whole day like that all the time if you don't have too... unless there is a problem...If though it is for selfish reasons then I don't agree.
I will tell you I went to daycare as a child and I had too. My mom had one main job as an accountant and sometimes held as many as 2 extra jobs sometimes. I can still remember her saying she wished she could be home more.. She worked hard and actually did enjoy working in her career but she still wanted more time with us.

I guess for me too, I don't understand why parents wouldn't want to get as much time as possible with their kids. I do believe in preschool and daycare, I though can not quite understand sometimes why some choose to put their kids in care like that when they aren't being productive? Qwim?
 
Old 03-05-2008, 11:22 PM
 
1,623 posts, read 5,758,475 times
Reputation: 438
Yeah behind the scenes they are horribly selfish people who never should have had kids in the first place. They are lazy parents and would rather have someone else do what they perceive as the "dirty work" of parenting, completely missing the point of all the wonderful things they are missing out on while they are "fulfilling" themselves working a million hours to buy material things for their kids who only want their attention.

My one friend's husband drops the baby off at 7:30 AM every day even though he doesn't have to start work til 9 and often works late nights. Her excuse for why he can't spend an hour with his daughter in the morning before school? "He needs to take a shower and can't do that with her there"! I explained the several methods of accomplishing such a task to which she replied, "We don't let the baby in the bathroom bc we are afraid of her going near the toilet"! That poor kid is already an emotional wreck... I only hope this is one of those cases where the daycare will do a better job raising her than her own parents...and they just had another baby! I do not get it...

The child is in daycare 11 hours a day! And the husband looks at it as "getting the maximum value" out of the money spent on daycare...how sick is that? That's one of the reasons people don't spring their kids: they already paid for it, so they feel they need to use it. The other is that they are bad/lazy parents (esp the husband who doesn't want to be "bothered" on his day off!) and want that time to themselves...I don't know why these people reproduce or lack the insight to realize they are selfish BEFORE having kids...

I've had several friends tell me they shouldn't have had kids...after having one or two! How ridiculously sad is that for these children? The whole situation makes me sick to my stomach.

I read a post online once re: how some people have no qualms about daycare. "Would you allow another woman to care for your husband? No? Then why is it so easy to let someone else raise your child?"
 
Old 03-06-2008, 10:08 AM
 
Location: Hartford County, CT
98 posts, read 340,221 times
Reputation: 40
GoCUBS1, wow! That really is sad. I can't imagine what goes through these parents' minds when other people are calling them to pick up their own children whom they haven't seen all day long. My DH and I did that ONCE with my in laws a year ago, and prior to that we never left them in their care for that long. Growing up, it was a taboo with my parents if they ever found out that we ate a meal at our neighbors'. Now that I think about it, that must have been a sense of pride for my mother who, to avoid the scenario completely, never allowed us to spend more than 2 hours at someone's house during the summer (once school started, half an hour at someone's house was more than enough). At the time, I thought she was just being annoying. But now I don't want anyone else feeding our kids; it makes us look incapable. It's a very symbolic event for us with negative connotations.

My husband once mentioned that I should get a nanny for the kids once I graduate and work FT. The look of horror on my face made him regret what he said immediately. Why would I want more kids if I never intend to see them? I never met a mother who said she couldn't stand being around her kids (2 days out of the week?!). I do, however, know SAHMs like the ones stargazer mentioned who sit and watch TV all day and never attended any of the parent-teacher conferences, which is weird beyond words considering how their working husbands leave work early to meet with their kids' teachers. I always assumed these women suffered from some sort of depression. But when you look at them, the way they act, you wouldn't know it. They're incredibly vindictive and love gossip, and I'm guessing those are the effects of the depression. Who knows.

As for me starting my own playgroup, I might just do that as soon as I fall into a routine with my schedule. Which brings me to therewego -- what type of work at home do you do? I might be interested. You can contact me in private

Have a great day, ladies.

Last edited by paper doll; 03-06-2008 at 11:23 AM..
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