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Old 03-06-2008, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Lehigh Valley
1,030 posts, read 3,800,031 times
Reputation: 426

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Quote:
Originally Posted by orrmobl View Post
Yeah behind the scenes they are horribly selfish people who never should have had kids in the first place. They are lazy parents and would rather have someone else do what they perceive as the "dirty work" of parenting, completely missing the point of all the wonderful things they are missing out on while they are "fulfilling" themselves working a million hours to buy material things for their kids who only want their attention.

My one friend's husband drops the baby off at 7:30 AM every day even though he doesn't have to start work til 9 and often works late nights. Her excuse for why he can't spend an hour with his daughter in the morning before school? "He needs to take a shower and can't do that with her there"! I explained the several methods of accomplishing such a task to which she replied, "We don't let the baby in the bathroom bc we are afraid of her going near the toilet"! That poor kid is already an emotional wreck... I only hope this is one of those cases where the daycare will do a better job raising her than her own parents...and they just had another baby! I do not get it...

The child is in daycare 11 hours a day! And the husband looks at it as "getting the maximum value" out of the money spent on daycare...how sick is that? That's one of the reasons people don't spring their kids: they already paid for it, so they feel they need to use it. The other is that they are bad/lazy parents (esp the husband who doesn't want to be "bothered" on his day off!) and want that time to themselves...I don't know why these people reproduce or lack the insight to realize they are selfish BEFORE having kids...

I've had several friends tell me they shouldn't have had kids...after having one or two! How ridiculously sad is that for these children? The whole situation makes me sick to my stomach.

I read a post online once re: how some people have no qualms about daycare. "Would you allow another woman to care for your husband? No? Then why is it so easy to let someone else raise your child?"
Wow! I don't even know where to begin in reply to your incredibly judgmental post.

I am a SAHM to my three boys and although I feel it is the right choice for me and my family, it's not the only choice out there. Every family is different and every person is different in terms of what they want for themselves and their families.

It is so closed-minded of you to think that only parents who want to spend 24/7 with their kids have the right to be parents. I know plenty of working parents who are excellent parents, just as know a few SAHMs who don't quite take the job seriously. I think it has more to do with personality and values than it does working vs. SAH.

Oh, and who ever said daycare is this horrible institution? I think there are plenty of very nice daycares out there where the children thrive and enjoy their days.

I think a happy parent is a better parent, and if being out in the workforce makes you happy, then go for it!

 
Old 03-06-2008, 10:21 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,900,942 times
Reputation: 1896
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristyLiz View Post
Wow! I don't even know where to begin in reply to your incredibly judgmental post.

I am a SAHM to my three boys and although I feel it is the right choice for me and my family, it's not the only choice out there. Every family is different and every person is different in terms of what they want for themselves and their families.

It is so closed-minded of you to think that only parents who want to spend 24/7 with their kids have the right to be parents. I know plenty of working parents who are excellent parents, just as know a few SAHMs who don't quite take the job seriously. I think it has more to do with personality and values than it does working vs. SAH.

Oh, and who ever said daycare is this horrible institution? I think there are plenty of very nice daycares out there where the children thrive and enjoy their days.

I think a happy parent is a better parent, and if being out in the workforce makes you happy, then go for it!
Finally-very well said!
My goodness, don't we all have enough issues just trying to live our lives without people just being so negative about eachother.
I am a SAHM (as said in some of my other posts) and I would never pass judgement on someone who is working...
Live & Let Live and don't worry so much about whether or not a person is doing their "job" as a parent.

Peronally, I don't for one second believe anyone who says they enjoy being home 24 hours a day with their children without having some days thinking "geez, I could use a rest! " there isn't anything wrong with admitting that, just as there is nothing wrong with admitting you are a better parent for working....
 
Old 03-06-2008, 10:25 AM
 
1,623 posts, read 5,756,665 times
Reputation: 438
It may be judgemental but it is often true as well. If you need to work to live, I get it and am pretty sure those Moms cry and fret about having to put their kid in daycare every day...

But when you both make 6 figures and gladly take promotions requiring global travel and even longer hours...I say give those kids to someone whose priorities aren't so screwed up...

The term applied at my son's preschool is "trophy kids". Two married doctors have the teachers bring the kids home and eat dinner with them at night...you would think they could at least get a nanny so the kids have a consistent presence in their lives...but I'm sure they will grow up happy, healthy and well adjusted, better for the experience, right?
 
Old 03-06-2008, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Lehigh Valley
1,030 posts, read 3,800,031 times
Reputation: 426
Quote:
Originally Posted by orrmobl View Post
It may be judgemental but it is often true as well. If you need to work to live, I get it and am pretty sure those Moms cry and fret about having to put their kid in daycare every day...

But when you both make 6 figures and gladly take promotions requiring global travel and even longer hours...I say give those kids to someone whose priorities aren't so screwed up...
Why do you feel that parents who work have their priorities screwed up?

Why is it not the mother who needs to work to support her family who has her priorities screwed up? Keeping in line with your logic, that mother should not have had her kids in the first place if she couldn't afford to stay home with them. Am I right? Perhaps she should give them to someone who can afford to stay home with them 24/7.

Again, very closed-minded.
 
Old 03-06-2008, 10:41 AM
 
1,623 posts, read 5,756,665 times
Reputation: 438
It is not natural to pay strangers to raise your kids. That's why so many working women cry and worry about it. I would say that if you don't feel bad about it on occasion, you are not a good parent.

I already said if you have to work, I understand the decision.

But if you or your husband can afford to stay home, you should. Once you have kids, you need to meet their needs first and yours second. If more people got this there would be a lot less screwed up people in the world...
 
Old 03-06-2008, 11:18 AM
 
Location: bumcrack Nebraska
438 posts, read 1,361,054 times
Reputation: 421
Quote:
Originally Posted by orrmobl View Post
It is not natural to pay strangers to raise your kids. That's why so many working women cry and worry about it. I would say that if you don't feel bad about it on occasion, you are not a good parent.

I already said if you have to work, I understand the decision.

But if you or your husband can afford to stay home, you should. Once you have kids, you need to meet their needs first and yours second. If more people got this there would be a lot less screwed up people in the world...
I'm sorry, but I find this to be an incredibly narrow-minded viewpoint. I would venture a guess that the human race would not exist if every parent throughout history would have stayed home with their kids. "Gee husband, I know we have to go out in the fields to get food, but my priority now is to stay home with my offspring." Probably would not have gone over very well.
As far as your statement that people should feel guilty about leaving their kids at daycare, well I just don't know what to say to that. That statement is just so far out there you may as well have said that only blond people should have kids.

Just because you define a good parent as someone who spends 24/7 with their kid does not mean its true. I personally know a SAHM who should not be spending that much time with her kids because she's crazy. But that's my opinion. Doesn't mean its the truth. Big difference.
 
Old 03-06-2008, 11:44 AM
 
1,623 posts, read 5,756,665 times
Reputation: 438
Those who take offense at my statements have blinders on. They want to feel good about their selfishness and my pointing out inconvenient truths doesn't allow it.

I wonder which daycare Fred and Wilma Flintstone used. Oh that's right, she stayed home with the kids.

But seriously even in hunter-gatherer societies the women carried the kids in slings, Baby Bjorn anyone? Or the tribal woman, often related to each other, looked after each others children.

Tell me where strangers, money and being a career man/woman came into that picture.

Use of full time daycare in order to put food on the table I get. To put nicer cars into the bigger house, or so you can feel fulfilled, not so much.

If you want to be fulfilled through work to the detriment of your family, just get a pet instead. There's daycare available for them as well...
 
Old 03-06-2008, 12:35 PM
 
Location: Lehigh Valley
1,030 posts, read 3,800,031 times
Reputation: 426
Quote:
Originally Posted by orrmobl View Post
Those who take offense at my statements have blinders on. They want to feel good about their selfishness and my pointing out inconvenient truths doesn't allow it.

I wonder which daycare Fred and Wilma Flintstone used. Oh that's right, she stayed home with the kids.

But seriously even in hunter-gatherer societies the women carried the kids in slings, Baby Bjorn anyone? Or the tribal woman, often related to each other, looked after each others children.

Tell me where strangers, money and being a career man/woman came into that picture.

Use of full time daycare in order to put food on the table I get. To put nicer cars into the bigger house, or so you can feel fulfilled, not so much.

If you want to be fulfilled through work to the detriment of your family, just get a pet instead. There's daycare available for them as well...
OK, I am bowing out of this conversation now, because anyone who uses the Flintstones as an example of fine parenting, is not worth my time.
 
Old 03-06-2008, 01:01 PM
 
1,623 posts, read 5,756,665 times
Reputation: 438
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristyLiz View Post
OK, I am bowing out of this conversation now, because anyone who uses the Flintstones as an example of fine parenting, is not worth my time.
Talk about closed minded. It's called sarcasm, look it up! I love it when people get in over their head and then run away...classic.
 
Old 03-06-2008, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Burlington County NJ
1,969 posts, read 5,289,782 times
Reputation: 2657
Quote:
Originally Posted by orrmobl View Post
Those who take offense at my statements have blinders on. They want to feel good about their selfishness and my pointing out inconvenient truths doesn't allow it.

I wonder which daycare Fred and Wilma Flintstone used. Oh that's right, she stayed home with the kids.

But seriously even in hunter-gatherer societies the women carried the kids in slings, Baby Bjorn anyone? Or the tribal woman, often related to each other, looked after each others children.

Tell me where strangers, money and being a career man/woman came into that picture.

Use of full time daycare in order to put food on the table I get. To put nicer cars into the bigger house, or so you can feel fulfilled, not so much.

If you want to be fulfilled through work to the detriment of your family, just get a pet instead. There's daycare available for them as well...
Sorry - but it seems to me your the one with the blinders on. The scenario in which you describe is also the same time period where "beatings" were a normal part of life for a kid. And women didn't feel they were worthy enough for the education but motherhood is what they were "supposed" to do. They took etiquette and cooking classes! Time to move on with the times - if your happy being barefoot and pregnant - cleaning and cooking and doing all those "womanly" things - then good for you. I applaud any parent who stays home with their kids -but to say that they are being selfish and not good parents because they have a career is so incredibly ignorant!

And I'd have to agree with Kristy on Flinstones analogy - it just shows what your kids are doing all day - because apparently your watching it with them. At least June Cleaver put the apron on and made it look good.
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