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Old 03-09-2008, 04:43 PM
 
Location: Back in MADISON Wi thank God!
1,047 posts, read 3,249,018 times
Reputation: 1382

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But it's been fun! What's the next controversy?

 
Old 03-10-2008, 03:36 PM
 
19 posts, read 157,095 times
Reputation: 18
I'm home with the kids but when my daughter was 5 she went to preschool 3 half days a week. I wanted her to be social with other kids and also get exposed to learning numbers and letters to prepare her for kindergarten. My son is autistic and I homeschool him, so having her in preschool a few hours a day gave me time to teach him.
 
Old 03-10-2008, 09:46 PM
 
1,623 posts, read 5,767,290 times
Reputation: 438
Quote:
Originally Posted by NEOhioBound View Post
You are so closed minded it isn't even funny. Maybe they feel sorry for your children because you don't allow them the freemdom away from you to learn to become independent without having mommy & daddy hover over them. Maybe these kids like going to daycare and being with friends.

Insurance and savings.. ummm and how on earth do you think insurance is paid for? How the hell do you think people save up money? Lets see.. by working. Unless you know of another way, but I highly doubt it.

And as far as saying feeling sorry for parents because they are missing out on the best experience of their lives. Well, that is your OPINION and you know what they say about opinions
Hmm by that rationale why not just let the kids wander the neighborhood and play in traffic, that'll grow 'em real fast so I won't have to bother with them anymore...what a great idea...

And I'm sure kids LOVE going to daycare as opposed to being home with someone who loves and has time for them That's what people who choose daycare (as opposed to seeing it as a necessary evil) tell themselves to feel better...

My son goes to pre-K as will my next 2 when they turn 4...

I've already said if you have to work, I have no qualms with daycare.

I was responding to the comment that the second parent's 6-figure income mattered nothing to a child and was not a necessity to live...

My wife works and I do not, and guess what? We are living pretty well on a fairly modest salary. How do you ask? Living beneath our means...something lots of people could do but choose not to, they would rather put their kids in daycare and drive nicer cars and have bigger houses, how noble.
 
Old 03-10-2008, 10:16 PM
 
1,623 posts, read 5,767,290 times
Reputation: 438
Quote:
Originally Posted by L.K. View Post
Sometimes my husband is home during the day and preschool gives us time to spend together,just the two of us ,when we're not too tired from a work day or a day spent with the kids running them through their activities and playgroups.I think that a husband/wife relationship is THE most important part of the whole picture.When that is not nurtured,there is no doubt the kids will really suffer.Do you never get a babysitter at night either, to go out with your husband?Is it just the fact you feel you are the only one qualified to interact with your children? I don't get it.Just because we have kids and love our kids and want to teach and spend time with our kids does not mean we have to be attached at the hip 24/7.

I hear you on needing a break now and then. But, as I told my wife when the first one was born, "me time" is over and you don't "deserve" anything...Once the kids are here (and it is often the women pushing the decision) its all about them, as far priorities about time, as it should be IMO.

We went on a 5 day vaca without our first and I was ready to go home day 2 or 3...so never again that long, 2 days away once a year is about it. And my wife and I have a wonderful relationship, but our needs take a back seat to our kids; it was necessary for survival throughout history and I personally think it will make them better all around people in the long run.

I'm just starting to realize I get my values more from my grandparents who were an integral part of my raising, than my own mother. And maybe that makes me "old fashioned" but guess what? I know my kids will grow up better for it. My mom would go out partying and I would stay over quite often at my various grandparents houses, have dinner there, never want to go home.

And I want that kind of environment for my kids, but it'll have to be at my house bc my Mom and my in-laws are quite self involved and seemed to have forgotten all the help they had with their own kids. But that's fine because I think part of the reason people now think they deserve all this free time with their spouse, away from the kids, is because their parents, like my mother, did so.


As for hubby's day off, sorry but you know the kids see far less of him than you do, I think those days are the perfect opportunities for him to do things with the kids with or without you...

My wife didn't really like doing all the typical Mom stuff at first bc I seemed better at it and she was more than happy to not do it (like a typical father would be), but I forced her to and guess what? There is nothing either of us can't do for our kids so the favoritism stuff just isn't there...sometimes I wish they would flock to her after work and leave me alone for a few minutes to cook dinner, but other than that, we both love having our kids around and truly enjoy their company...even in restaurants where we frequently are asked "Are they always this good?"

We've only used family babysitters and they have been few and far between. We hired my son's pre-K teacher to sit once, and, honestly I don't know that I would again. It cost $12 an hour (we picked the rate but it goes up to $15 around here) and the girl seemed so unenthused, like she didn't even really like kids...so we definitely didn't get the warm fuzzies and a $200 evening is not something we do...ever! But we needed out so we tried it...but probably not again. We prefer to have family watch our kids, and I think that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Sitters, much like daycare workers, are only in it for the money; gone are the days of teenagers who just loved babies. Now they love money, tv, iPods, cell phones, and boys...babies and toddlers just can't compete...
 
Old 03-10-2008, 10:27 PM
 
1,623 posts, read 5,767,290 times
Reputation: 438
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
I agree~ There is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting that we just need a break-period. There shouldn't be any shame in that...
When "you" are working, you get breaks during the day,right?
Some may not take them as often as others,but the opportunity,for the most part, is there.
When home with children all day,really, there isn't that much of an opportunity. At least when you have young ones that don't nap any longer.

Unfortunately, I don't live near any family and have a few close friends where I live. I do not leave my children with a babysitter-ever. Have never had a weekend away with my husband since our oldest-who is almost 6.
We haven't ever looked into a babysitter, which is completely our fault and we know that.
We know that our relationship needs to come first,but when you don't live near family, it is a difficult thing.

I believe again, that the working vs. non-working is such a personal decision, it is wrong for either side to judge the other....

What is wrong in my opinion,is the working parent who can afford to stay home and then continually says things such as "you are soooo lucky to be able to be home all day", " I can't get anything done when I get home from work",etc...
I am sure we all know someone like that... I have an issue with those that can truly afford to stay home,that choose not to, but yet continue to day in and day out, complain about their jobs. Their nails are always done because they get them done on their lunch breaks,they run their errands after work before picking up their kids from their child care and basically come home to a clean house because there isn't anyone there all day to make the mess!

Again though, these people are rare, I just believe that for the most part, it is better for some to be working parents and others to be at home.
Gosh, and I thought we didn't get out much! But I'm sure your kids are much better for it...how are you holding up mentally though?

And AMEN! I just don't get the SAH = free time equation. My oldest is four, then two and a half, then 4 months...my "break" consists of eating lunch, usually standing up, while they nap! If they don't nap, no break for me. But I personally wouldn't dream of using daycare to give me break time, if its not for their benefit, I'm not terribly interested. Besides my 4 year old already hates school...I keep telling him he has a long road ahead...

My mom is the type whose nails and this and that errand come before family.
And it pi$$es me off to no end to hear her tell my kids how much she "misses" them. I guess she doesn't mean miss as in "willing to set time aside in my busy life of nonsense" kind of way. Whatever. Can I just tell you that we butt heads over parenting styles?
 
Old 03-10-2008, 10:32 PM
 
1,623 posts, read 5,767,290 times
Reputation: 438
Well, that happens to me too, when I go pick up my kids and the rest don't want to stay behind...I also feel sorry for the kiddos, but oh well.......IT IS NOT MY PROBLEM.

Like I said I feel sorry BUT would prefer that over reading about them in the newspaper because the mother/father did something to them because of issues they had w/the child; sad but true that there are a lot of "Andrea Yates" people out there and really, if she would have had a break once in a while, taken responsibility for her inner problems & done something about it, perhaps her children would still be with her....[/quote]

Sorry but it is your problem because your child will attend school or run into these maladjusted youngsters at the mall...its everybody's problem.

And Andrea Yates' husband was a religious wacko. She didn't need all those kids and I'm pretty sure daycare isn't the cure for post partum psychosis...If its reasonably affordable, one parent should stay home...course many don't even look into it because they don't think its affordable or don't think its reasonable to live more modestly...
 
Old 03-10-2008, 10:38 PM
 
2,159 posts, read 3,746,368 times
Reputation: 2136
Get off your high horse already. What makes you assume that just because a child is at home with his/her parents instead of being in daycare that his quality of life is any better. You are spending too much time giving a damn about what other people do with their children

Quote:
Originally Posted by orrmobl View Post
Hmm by that rationale why not just let the kids wander the neighborhood and play in traffic, that'll grow 'em real fast so I won't have to bother with them anymore...what a great idea...

And I'm sure kids LOVE going to daycare as opposed to being home with someone who loves and has time for them That's what people who choose daycare (as opposed to seeing it as a necessary evil) tell themselves to feel better...

My son goes to pre-K as will my next 2 when they turn 4...

I've already said if you have to work, I have no qualms with daycare.

I was responding to the comment that the second parent's 6-figure income mattered nothing to a child and was not a necessity to live...

My wife works and I do not, and guess what? We are living pretty well on a fairly modest salary. How do you ask? Living beneath our means...something lots of people could do but choose not to, they would rather put their kids in daycare and drive nicer cars and have bigger houses, how noble.
 
Old 03-10-2008, 10:40 PM
 
2,159 posts, read 3,746,368 times
Reputation: 2136
And my husband makes good money- I don't HAVE to work if I do not want to... but guess what?! I CHOOSE to. Why? Because as much as I love my son.. I would go ape **** being cooped up in the house with him 24/7. I need adult interaction- It has nothing to do with materialistic things like you would like to think is why people CHOOSE to work . Sue me.. I am HUMAN
 
Old 03-11-2008, 05:20 AM
 
Location: Lehigh Valley
1,030 posts, read 3,806,202 times
Reputation: 426
Quote:
I hear you on needing a break now and then. But, as I told my wife when the first one was born, "me time" is over and you don't "deserve" anything...Once the kids are here (and it is often the women pushing the decision) its all about them, as far priorities about time, as it should be IMO.
What a strange thing to say. I don't know, the way I see it, it's much more important for children to have happy balanced parents than parents who play the martyr.

Perhaps your extreme viewes on parenting come from the fact that you are in a non-traditional role and feel a strong need to justify the 'work' you do. I am not being snarky, I am serious. Traditionaly, men gain their sense of self and fulfillment mainly from their career, so if your career is that of a SAHD, then your very strong feelings on taking this job so seriously, make a bit more sense.

I still think you'd have more fun if you lightened up a little bit. A group of us SAHMs are playing Rumikub today after we pick our kids up from preschool - see, we have fun and so do the kids, it's all good.

Quote:
Besides my 4 year old already hates school...I keep telling him he has a long road ahead...
This is awful, don't you think? My kids always loved preschool (my three are the same spacing as yours!). It sounds like you might need to socialize him a bit more if he truly prefers staying home with dad to playing with other kids his age. You may say there is no need for preschool, but this right here is a glowing example of the need.

Quote:
"Are they always this good?"
 
Old 03-11-2008, 08:48 AM
 
Location: Back in MADISON Wi thank God!
1,047 posts, read 3,249,018 times
Reputation: 1382
Quote:
Originally Posted by orrmobl View Post
I hear you on needing a break now and then. But, as I told my wife when the first one was born, "me time" is over and you don't "deserve" anything...Once the kids are here (and it is often the women pushing the decision) its all about them, as far priorities about time, as it should be IMO.

We went on a 5 day vaca without our first and I was ready to go home day 2 or 3...so never again that long, 2 days away once a year is about it. And my wife and I have a wonderful relationship, but our needs take a back seat to our kids; it was necessary for survival throughout history and I personally think it will make them better all around people in the long run.

I'm just starting to realize I get my values more from my grandparents who were an integral part of my raising, than my own mother. And maybe that makes me "old fashioned" but guess what? I know my kids will grow up better for it. My mom would go out partying and I would stay over quite often at my various grandparents houses, have dinner there, never want to go home.

And I want that kind of environment for my kids, but it'll have to be at my house bc my Mom and my in-laws are quite self involved and seemed to have forgotten all the help they had with their own kids. But that's fine because I think part of the reason people now think they deserve all this free time with their spouse, away from the kids, is because their parents, like my mother, did so.


As for hubby's day off, sorry but you know the kids see far less of him than you do, I think those days are the perfect opportunities for him to do things with the kids with or without you...

My wife didn't really like doing all the typical Mom stuff at first bc I seemed better at it and she was more than happy to not do it (like a typical father would be), but I forced her to and guess what? There is nothing either of us can't do for our kids so the favoritism stuff just isn't there...sometimes I wish they would flock to her after work and leave me alone for a few minutes to cook dinner, but other than that, we both love having our kids around and truly enjoy their company...even in restaurants where we frequently are asked "Are they always this good?"

We've only used family babysitters and they have been few and far between. We hired my son's pre-K teacher to sit once, and, honestly I don't know that I would again. It cost $12 an hour (we picked the rate but it goes up to $15 around here) and the girl seemed so unenthused, like she didn't even really like kids...so we definitely didn't get the warm fuzzies and a $200 evening is not something we do...ever! But we needed out so we tried it...but probably not again. We prefer to have family watch our kids, and I think that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Sitters, much like daycare workers, are only in it for the money; gone are the days of teenagers who just loved babies. Now they love money, tv, iPods, cell phones, and boys...babies and toddlers just can't compete...
wow,glad I'm not married to you! There is a big difference in what someone considers "ME" time.I am not off getting my nails done,having a massage,going out to lunch! And 2.You know nothing of our family situation! SORRY! My husband spends much more time with our kids than most.He is often home for days at a time and loves spending time with them.HOWEVER, the primary relationship that needs nurturing is husband and wife.A MAN AND WOMAN NEED SOME ALONE TIME!I agree with KristyLiz.YOU are diffenately trying to justify the fact that you are staying home with the kids! And by the way,my 4 year old daughter loves preschool! Am my kids also love our babysitter that's coming over tonight for 2 hours so my beat friend[HUSBAND] and I can go have a quiet dinner.I went running with my 11 year old this morning,my husband and I fixed the 3 kids breakfast,we are spending the day with our 4 year old,go to our 8 year olds school conference after school,get through the boys homework,I will make yhem dinner,and then OUT THE DOOR for a whole 2 hours to chat and laugh and have adult fun! wow are we crazy or what! Then we will come home refreshed and happy and listen to the boys do their piano practice,talk and tuck them in bed.
It also sounds to me like you're very bitter about your Mother.There is a happy medium you know between shoving the kids off and spending NO time to being with them 24/7!
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