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Old 03-13-2008, 07:33 AM
 
Location: Back in MADISON Wi thank God!
1,047 posts, read 3,236,559 times
Reputation: 1382

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Quote:
Originally Posted by orrmobl View Post
You would LOVE to be married to me. I would do three times the work your hubby does around the house and show you how to enjoy your children and make them an integral part of your lives, rather than another thing to attend to, like work and chores. And the fact that he spends more time with the kids than the typical father impresses me not at all. My wife spends time EVERY day with the kids. We have our time after the kids go to bed, no problem.

I just don't get people who have kids, then long for their old life. They resent their children and focus on the spouse relationship rather than the family one. Guess what? The divorce rate in this country is like 50%. Last time I checked, you can't divorce your kids. If I were you, I'd invest some more time on that relationship because some day it may be the only relationship you have left.

I am not bitter at all about my mother, she showed me how to love and nurture...she also taught me how to be a more present parent and not smother my kids by the mistakes she made and continues to make. No regrets, just lessons learned.

And as I've said before, I get working because you have to, preschool when the child is 4 or so. I don't get leaving the kid in daycare on your day off just because you paid for it or because you want the day off to yourself...give me a break already, isn't that what you're home for in the first place and isn't family time so limited in America that you would want to spend free time with your children?

If you wanted a day off, take the kids to a friend's or relative's. Or you should've stayed working and not had kids. Then you could take as many days off as you pleased and work on that "primary relationship" you keep going on about...too bad it excludes the best thing you will ever do in your life.
OK,again,you seem to assume that you have any clue what goes on in my house.My husband travels for his job so cannot spend everyday with the kids, obviously.That is why I stay home.How does your wife spend "every day" with your kids when she goes to work?
Never did I imply that I" longed for the old life" either.My husband and I just enjoy each other's company, and then we enjoy coming home to our kids.Again,you my friend,are not in a position to tell me to invest more time with my kids! I have been with my kids almost everyday of their lives.My 11 and 8 year old go to school all day.My 4 year old daughter nursed until she was 3 years old! She never even had a bottle. YOU do not know the feeling of attachment to a child until you are the one doing the breast feeding,which I did for all 3 kids.Always there ,every 2 hours when young,then to many times a day for months and months,never being away from them.I did it because I wanted to.Our infants always went out with us.
Finally, we, and many people do not live close to family and so do not have the choice to only leave the kids with family menbers.WE had that until just last year.So we were fortunate.
I think that the percentage of women leaving their kids at all day daycare so they can get their nails done is probably pretty small.I'm sure there are some,which is to bad.
And lastly,as I stated before and someone else mentioned,I had no idea what it would be like to have kids before I had them.I stay home now because I am able to.I still like a break now and then.I think you will find as your kids get older that they need and want to do other things away from you.It is a whole different story when you have little ones under school age.But,again,people need to do what works for them.Others have no right to judge.

 
Old 03-13-2008, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,898,580 times
Reputation: 1896
[quote=L.K.;3125343] She never even had a bottle. YOU do not know the feeling of attachment to a child until you are the one doing the breast feeding,which I did for all 3 kids.Always there ,every 2 hours when young,then to many times a day for months and months,never being away from them.I did it because I wanted to.Our infants always went out with us.
Finally, we, and many people do not live close to family and so do not have the choice to only leave the kids with family menbers.WE had that until just last year.So we were fortunate.
I think that the percentage of women leaving their kids at all day daycare so they can get their nails done is probably pretty small.I'm sure there are some,which is to bad.

I thought this had been "put to bed", apparently not....
I have to say something about the above quote.... Attachment has nothing to do with breast feeding, or it does in a very small way.
To say that he doesn't know the feeling of attachment is unfair,as I am an adoptive mother of 2 beautiful little girls and I never breastfed.
Sure, there are ways around it, but it isn't realistic.
Not once do I or have I felt that my children didin't attach to me.
This can create an entirely new "arguement" which I am not trying to fuel, I just think that this statement is incorrect.

Again,this whole entire thing is ridiculous, everyone just judging everyone.
I think it would just be easier to say live and let live.
I am at home with my children,I did put my oldest in a preschool program and will put my youngest in one when she is 3. It is a morning only program,2 days a week.
I have absolutely no family near me and my husband is also away the majority of the time.
There are weeks when I feel like I could pull my hair out by the time Friday comes along,but it is our choice that I am home. Therefore,I stay home with them.We do activities together,go to gym class ,storytime,etc...
I do not feel that we do to much , I think our schedules are just right. I am not really into the whole playgroup thing anymore because I find it is usually a bunch of women hanging around not watching their children and comparing their labor stories of which I have nothing to contribute.
If I try to "connect" on some level and talk about my "paper" pregnancy, it is a conversation that lasts for all of 2 minutes and then it is right back to the labor stories,or some other trivial thing.
Unfortunately, I also have to disagree about what the SAHM mom's who put their children in an all day program are doing.... I know quite a few...
I will tell you , they ARE getting their nails done,they are visiting friends,they are doing their housework,they are going to the gym,etc...
I am not judging them, it is their right to do what they do,I don't get it,but it really isn't any of my business.
As I have said before, it only become "my" business when one starts to complain about how busy they are to me....

SO-please be careful about what is said about how people are parenting,whether they know what true attachment is,etc.... they are unfair and unjust remarks.
 
Old 03-13-2008, 08:52 AM
 
Location: Back in MADISON Wi thank God!
1,047 posts, read 3,236,559 times
Reputation: 1382
[quote=orrmobl;3123842] The divorce rate in this country is like 50%.

My point exactly! Why do you suppose that is?
 
Old 03-13-2008, 09:04 AM
 
1,703 posts, read 4,623,549 times
Reputation: 1093
........and it keeps going and going..............
 
Old 03-13-2008, 09:37 AM
 
1,623 posts, read 5,754,019 times
Reputation: 438
Quote:
Originally Posted by L.K. View Post
OK,again,you seem to assume that you have any clue what goes on in my house.My husband travels for his job so cannot spend everyday with the kids, obviously.That is why I stay home.How does your wife spend "every day" with your kids when she goes to work?
Never did I imply that I" longed for the old life" either.My husband and I just enjoy each other's company, and then we enjoy coming home to our kids.Again,you my friend,are not in a position to tell me to invest more time with my kids! I have been with my kids almost everyday of their lives.My 11 and 8 year old go to school all day.My 4 year old daughter nursed until she was 3 years old! She never even had a bottle. YOU do not know the feeling of attachment to a child until you are the one doing the breast feeding,which I did for all 3 kids.Always there ,every 2 hours when young,then to many times a day for months and months,never being away from them.I did it because I wanted to.Our infants always went out with us.
Finally, we, and many people do not live close to family and so do not have the choice to only leave the kids with family menbers.WE had that until just last year.So we were fortunate.
I think that the percentage of women leaving their kids at all day daycare so they can get their nails done is probably pretty small.I'm sure there are some,which is to bad.
And lastly,as I stated before and someone else mentioned,I had no idea what it would be like to have kids before I had them.I stay home now because I am able to.I still like a break now and then.I think you will find as your kids get older that they need and want to do other things away from you.It is a whole different story when you have little ones under school age.But,again,people need to do what works for them.Others have no right to judge.
I was just pointing out the impossibility of your husband spending THAT much time with the kids, thus necessitating time spent with them on his day off...

My wife has a pretty cush job, standard 8.5 hours with good pay. She gets home around 6 and the kids go to bed at 9. She's also home all weekend, one day of which we usually devote to a family outing.

Conversely, my friend puts her kids to bed at 7 and then she and her husband have a nice dinner together...and I think she is all wrong. I think you have the kids to be part of the family and that includes dinner time. Her husband spends 2 hours getting ready every morning so he doesn't come home until late and whines that he wants things back the way they used to be. And I think he's a selfish ass.

My kids are on the late schedule so my wife can see them for more than 15 minutes at the end of the day...

As I said before, my wife was in a bad way with our first. So, for all intents and puposes, he's "mine". And to say that I couldn't possibly bond with him in a meaningful way is naive at best. I've bonded with all my kids, the last 2after my wife returned to work, and I don't think they treat us any differently. If anything, they prefer me because I'm home with them every day. But, as I said before, my wife and I are equally capable of caring for the kids, and, as a result, there is no favoritism on their part and no lack of confidence in being alone with them on either of our parts.

In fact, my wife prefers to be home with them while I do the grocery shopping, etc. Yes, it some times gets old having to run everything around here, but I fully realize she does way more than a typical Dad would and am grateful for it.

And I agree about needing time alone, but that time does come as the kids age. Its the putting babies in daycare for a little "me time" that I disagree with...
 
Old 03-13-2008, 09:45 AM
 
1,623 posts, read 5,754,019 times
Reputation: 438
[quote=KristyLiz;3124501]Both of these statements are true. Being home FT can be isolating, so playgroup is often times more about getting together with other adults - which there is nothing wrong with, especially since you are killing two birds with one stone, as the kids get a chance to interact with other kids.

As for the moms groups being unwelcoming to dads, sadly I have seen this too. I don't know the deal, but it is true.

LOL! Yea, it's certainly more fun to be 'Big fish in little pond', but I'm sure he'll catch on.

QUOTE]

Don't you just hate when you realize someone you think is all wrong may not be?

Thanks for your honesty though. And I think the women don't want me there for the same reason they don't want the poor mom, the dirty mom, the single mom: because they need to look down on someone in order to make themselves feel better about their miserable lives. Not all, but a lot. And they can't talk about how crappy their spouses are or feminine problems etc. Little do they know, I'm a great listener and am very empathetic. Most of my friends over the years have been women and I'm generally very comfortable among them. Except when I'm being openly ignored except for the sidewards nasty looks


And I'm glad you are finally getting some time to yourself. I think people are misinterpreting my position on all this, which is, all things in their time. Kids are a huge drain in the beginning but things do get easier and as they come into their own, the time will be there for you. But you can't get back those first few years which are the most important to the child's development, and some of the best experiences you will ever have, as I'm sure you and other SAHMs and SAHDs know...
 
Old 03-13-2008, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Lehigh Valley
1,030 posts, read 3,798,041 times
Reputation: 426
Quote:
Don't you just hate when you realize someone you think is all wrong may not be?
Don't be smug now - it's not becoming.

Quote:
And I think the women don't want me there for the same reason they don't want the poor mom, the dirty mom, the single mom: because they need to look down on someone in order to make themselves feel better about their miserable lives.
Ah, you were hanging out with 'those' SAHMs. Yea, I've met some of those, but honestly, I have a great group of women who in no way would treat people like that. I hate when people complain - our kids are all healthy, what do we have to complain about?
 
Old 03-13-2008, 12:41 PM
 
Location: Back in MADISON Wi thank God!
1,047 posts, read 3,236,559 times
Reputation: 1382
I thought this had been "put to bed", apparently not....
I have to say something about the above quote.... Attachment has nothing to do with breast feeding, or it does in a very small way.
To say that he doesn't know the feeling of attachment is unfair,as I am an adoptive mother of 2 beautiful little girls and I never breastfed.
Sure, there are ways around it, but it isn't realistic.
Not once do I or have I felt that my children didin't attach to me.
This can create an entirely new "arguement" which I am not trying to fuel, I just think that this statement is incorrect.

Again,this whole entire thing is ridiculous, everyone just judging everyone.
I think it would just be easier to say live and let live.
I am at home with my children,I did put my oldest in a preschool program and will put my youngest in one when she is 3. It is a morning only program,2 days a week.
I have absolutely no family near me and my husband is also away the majority of the time.
There are weeks when I feel like I could pull my hair out by the time Friday comes along,but it is our choice that I am home. Therefore,I stay home with them.We do activities together,go to gym class ,storytime,etc...
I do not feel that we do to much , I think our schedules are just right. I am not really into the whole playgroup thing anymore because I find it is usually a bunch of women hanging around not watching their children and comparing their labor stories of which I have nothing to contribute.
If I try to "connect" on some level and talk about my "paper" pregnancy, it is a conversation that lasts for all of 2 minutes and then it is right back to the labor stories,or some other trivial thing.
Unfortunately, I also have to disagree about what the SAHM mom's who put their children in an all day program are doing.... I know quite a few...
I will tell you , they ARE getting their nails done,they are visiting friends,they are doing their housework,they are going to the gym,etc...
I am not judging them, it is their right to do what they do,I don't get it,but it really isn't any of my business.
As I have said before, it only become "my" business when one starts to complain about how busy they are to me....

SO-please be careful about what is said about how people are parenting,whether they know what true attachment is,etc.... they are unfair and unjust remarks.[/quote]

I need to clarify here.I by no means was defining "attachment" as bonding and closeness.I simply meant that my daughter was with me and I with her 24/7,never apart.Of course people can be attached without breast feeding.
Also,I am somewhat enjoying the discussion.I guess I don't get out enough!
 
Old 03-13-2008, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Lehigh Valley
1,030 posts, read 3,798,041 times
Reputation: 426
Quote:
Attachment has nothing to do with breast feeding, or it does in a very small way. To say that he doesn't know the feeling of attachment is unfair,as I am an adoptive mother of 2 beautiful little girls and I never breastfed.
I must agree here! To say that my kids attached better because I nursed them is just crazy!
 
Old 03-13-2008, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Back in MADISON Wi thank God!
1,047 posts, read 3,236,559 times
Reputation: 1382
Again,I did clarify the misunderstanding above.I did not say that it was the breast feeding that created the attachment.Of course a person can and does attach without it.What I was referring to was simply the actual physical attachment she and I had.As in,never apart.
Oh well,maybe this is getting carried away!Sorry for not being clear.I do not wish to get on the breast feeding vs not, band wagon!
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