SAHM putting their kids in daycare/preschools (average, grown up, raising)

[NEOhioBound]

Look Dr. Phil... I know you think you think because you are a SAHD that you can and should speak for all SAHP, but guess what.. you can't

You have NEVER had to carry around a human being inside of you for 9.5 mths. You do not know and will NEVER know what hormone changes pregnancy puts a woman through. You will never fully know what pregnancy does physically and mentally to women. Some handle it better and fly through it with no problem- others it takes time to adust

And I don't have children... I have 1 child who just turned 9 mths. Guess you know what I should feel like being a 1st time mom too

Just because I said I don't want to spend 24/7 with my son, it doesnt mean I don't spend any time with him. He gets plenty of mommy time every day from me. I just know my limits and make sure that I do not go beyond that. He and I have the exact same personality (we are both true Taurus) and will rub each other the wrong way. My husband is the more laid back low stung kind of guy.. poor man has to put up with the both of us high strung personalities...

My Pedi and OBGYN have said that is quite normal for mothers to take some time to adjust to motherhood so what I am going through is not all that unusual or uncommon. So, I would suggest that unless you are licensed physician to keep some of your comments to yourself

Originally Posted by orrmobl

I do appreciate your honesty. And yes maybe you should have. Because if I can tell from your posts that you resent your kids, I can only imagine how they feel.

And you're wrong, I fathomed it. So I put off having them as long as I could. Then my wife had a horrible delivery and debilitating postpartum. So I stepped up to the plate and did what I had to and guess what? I loved most of it and would do it again without hesitation. And we had 2 more after I swore the first would be all.

I suggest you seek some counseling to relieve your pent up aggression at having to live a life you didn't choose. I'm sure that's hard but I would recommend you get some help, roll up your shirtsleeves, and do right by your children. After all, they didn't ask to be born.

[orrmobl]

Originally Posted by NEOhioBound

Look Dr. Phil... I know you think you think because you are a SAHD that you can and should speak for all SAHP, but guess what.. you can't

You have NEVER had to carry around a human being inside of you for 9.5 mths. You do not know and will NEVER know what hormone changes pregnancy puts a woman through. You will never fully know what pregnancy does physically and mentally to women. Some handle it better and fly through it with no problem- others it takes time to adust

And I don't have children... I have 1 child who just turned 9 mths. Guess you know what I should feel like being a 1st time mom too

Just because I said I don't want to spend 24/7 with my son, it doesnt mean I don't spend any time with him. He gets plenty of mommy time every day from me. I just know my limits and make sure that I do not go beyond that. He and I have the exact same personality (we are both true Taurus) and will rub each other the wrong way. My husband is the more laid back low stung kind of guy.. poor man has to put up with the both of us high strung personalities...

My Pedi and OBGYN have said that is quite normal for mothers to take some time to adjust to motherhood so what I am going through is not all that unusual or uncommon. So, I would suggest that unless you are licensed physician to keep some of your comments to yourself

Now it all makes sense. I would strongly suggest you see a doc about postpartum because you seem overwhelmed and aggressive. I'm not a doctor but I know all about what hormones can do to a woman. My wife is like Jekyll and Hyde around here...she can go from cracking a bunch of jokes to biting everybody's heads off in 10 seconds flat...Yet another reason I'm home with the kids...

And yes I know exactly how you feel taking care of a young child...I currently have a 4, 2 and 4 month old I care for every day..why do you discount everybody who hasn't delivered a child as fake parents? It seems you are the one who should be piping down as you are insulting a whole class of parents you haven't even considered...

[orrmobl]

Originally Posted by KristyLiz

Don't be smug now - it's not becoming.

Ah, you were hanging out with 'those' SAHMs. Yea, I've met some of those, but honestly, I have a great group of women who in no way would treat people like that. I hate when people complain - our kids are all healthy, what do we have to complain about?

I wasn't trying to be smug, I was just making a joke...sorry if it didn't translate well...

Yeah the only mom in the group besides my friend who actually talked to me was the poor mom...she embraced me wholeheartedly...no wonder they all hate her...I think its the whole pecking order from elementary school/high school/sorority that women learn to dislike those who are not the same...not really sure why...

I told my friend I didn't know how she could stand those women - she actually got the icy glare when her son tussled with another mom's kid...so she hastily left and sent an apology email, fully expecting a "no problem, kids are kids, etc." Instead she got a "thank you for apologizing" because obviously she and her child had violated the Mommy Group code of etiquette....what a joke!

That kind of nonsense is why I don't miss the business world. Why women have chosen to create similar structures to elevate themselves at the exclusion of others is beyond me...

[movingtohouston]

Originally Posted by orrmobl

Now it all makes sense. I would strongly suggest you see a doc about postpartum because you seem overwhelmed and aggressive. I'm not a doctor but I know all about what hormones can do to a woman. My wife is like Jekyll and Hyde around here...she can go from cracking a bunch of jokes to biting everybody's heads off in 10 seconds flat...Yet another reason I'm home with the kids...

And yes I know exactly how you feel taking care of a young child...I currently have a 4, 2 and 4 month old I care for every day..why do you discount everybody who hasn't delivered a child as fake parents? It seems you are the one who should be piping down as you are insulting a whole class of parents you haven't even considered...

I don't seem to understand your arguement. You are giving neohio a hard time for doing the exact same thing your wife is doing, but she is in the wrong and its alright for your wife. Great for you for loving your children enough to stay home with them and being at their beck and call 24/7.

I have 3 very active boys ages 12, 11 and 3. One has adhd, and let me tell you staying home with them all day, I need a break, I desparately need me time alone away from them but I don't have access to any babysitters, I have no family here to call upon. Consider yourself fortunate that you have help when you need it. I don't, if I could afford it I would definately consider a drop in program every once in awhile and by your arguements that makes me and people like me horrible. If you can't understand or at least have some empathy of where we(Moms or Dads like me) are coming from this debate will go on forever.

[soontob]

Originally Posted by orrmobl

I hear what you are saying but there are some right answers. A parent staying at home full time and putting a baby in daycare is wrong. Using daycare to get your chores done or run personal errands is wrong. If people want lots of free time, they should remain childless.

A four year old going to pre-K for developmental/social aspects I get. A 2 year old, not so much.

And while I agree there are Moms who don't do anything with the kids, I think whether or not its ok just depends on what your definition of nothing is. I was my first child's playmate, but he also learned to occupy himself because I remember always being bored as a child and read that the ability to occupy yourself is learned. Obviously I never learned it. Now he plays with my second son. I intervene and play with them sometimes, I read to them and sing to them and teach them things but they also know how to occupy themselves and it will serve them well in the long run...they rarely get bored and are creative in finding new things to do.

And I see "social" moms who cart their kids from activity to activity...guess what? These are for the moms to socialize; the kids are still parallel playing for God's sake! And the kids are exhausted and miserable bc the mom doesn't allow them to nap because it is cutting into her social schedule...Is that really better?

So I would much rather have a kid home with a mom who cares for their needs and loves and interacts but doesn't smother them than have them in a daycare situation where their needs will be ignored AND they won't be loved...or out on the go all the time with a social butterfly whose needs supercede those of their kids...

It's not wrong...you are stating your opinion, not fact. I really think that you should stop judging all these women. I think you are trying to make anyone and everyone who disagrees with you, feel bad. However, what's happening instead is that they are all ready to hate you and you've brought it all on yourself.

[NYMD67]

You have NEVER had to carry around a human being inside of you for 9.5 mths. You do not know and will NEVER know what hormone changes pregnancy puts a woman through. You will never fully know what pregnancy does physically and mentally to women. Some handle it better and fly through it with no problem- others it takes time to adust


Again-insulting,insulting to those that never could carry a child.
Man or woman....

[NYMD67]

I meant to continue....
It is not fair to say basically because you went through pregnancy that you understand what it is like to be a parent, more so than one who didn't....
Yes, pregnancy brings on many hormonal and emotional issues,it isn't fair to be attacking though.

[therewego]

We all do what we do for our own reasons; it is right for our families and that's that..................

[KristyLiz]

It is not fair to say basically because you went through pregnancy that you understand what it is like to be a parent, more so than one who didn't....

So true! Being pregnant 3 times does not make me more of a parent, it just makes me a parent with saggy boobs

[NEOhioBound]

I never said that. Don't put words into my mouth. What I was saying is that HE has no right to tell me how I should feel for my son. Women do go through hormone changes due to pregnancy and it can effect how they feel abut being a mother. Plain and simple

Originally Posted by NYMD67

I meant to continue....
It is not fair to say basically because you went through pregnancy that you understand what it is like to be a parent, more so than one who didn't....