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Our older son is turning 11 and starting Middle school in August. By now we have managed to follow "the later the better" policy about him owning a smartphone. I wanted to postpone the moment when he gets addicted to texting and playing games (he plays games of course on his tablet or X-Box, but personal smartphone is a way different story) but he's been trying to convince me that most of his friends have smartphones and that they get really surprised when they find out that he doesn't have one of his own. Now when he is going to start Middle school I'm afraid the problem can get even worse. I don't want him to feel different but knowing how addicted this thing is, I really don't want him to start walking around like a zombie looking at the screen of his phone all the time. Can you please share your experience? Thanks!
I have a kid starting middle school and one starting high school. Neither has a phone. They both have tablets which they use almost constantly, but no phone. My kids go to online school, so they're home where they can use their tablets for most anything that someone would want to do with a phone.
Most of the kids we know have phones by 5th grade or definitely by middle school. It's easy for a kid to feel really left out if all the other kids are communicating on their phones and he doesn't have one.
The answer will vary according to your local school culture and your own child's personality.
My rising 7th-grader attends a large public school in an affluent suburb. He has a smart phone, as do all of his friends. He has two older brothers in college who were literally the last in their class to get phones. Being used to the convenience of our older kids having phones, we were not terribly reluctant to give our youngest son a phone.
It's not been bad at all. He's a responsible kid who generally avoids trouble and keeps up with his stuff. Yes, they use them a lot, but that is the point. It's how his friends communicate, sort of like the social capital. He would be the odd man out if he did not have one. There are many ways you can monitor their use of the phone and make it as safe as possible. You also can decide what kinds of limits you want to put on it.
We don't allow it to be out at meals, and he puts it on a charger in the family room at bedtime. My husband knows all the login info so we can check his history etc at any time. Many of our friends read their kids texts every night. We don't go that far, but I know one of them would tell me if there is a problem.
I definitely understand your hesitation, but I would rather teach them how to safely use the technology than just avoid it altogether until ... ???
My two oldest bought their own as high schoolers, and they pay for data. Were they embarrassed not to have smartphones as middle schoolers? Heck if I know, but it might have provided incentive for them to get off their duffs and earn a little money. Just sayin'...sometimes it's best to hang back and let them figure things out. YMMV.
We have an 11 yr old boy just finished 5th grade and yes most of his friends had smartphones for games... our son has food allergies and also walks home somedays from school so initially we got him a cheap one just for calls. Now he does use it for games....but not a whole lot at home. At home it is Xbox sports.\
I'm not a fan of buying kids something just because other kids have it. If all he needs is a phone with texting, then tell him you will reconsider a smartphone once he is older, but for now, the phone he has is adequate.
My kids are in their 20s and made it through middle school without any phones at all. We didn't buy them until the entered high school. They weren't scarred by the experience.
Here it is not uncommon for even first graders to have a phone. By third grade, the number seems to jump significantly. My oldest is 11 and still doesn't have a phone. However, we will be getting her one when she starts middle school this year (she doesn't know this yet). She will be much more independent and home alone for short periods, and there are times when she'll need to get a hold of us and I feel better for safety reasons. But just like her tablet, there are going to be so many parental controls on it that she won't be able to do much more than play a few games and call us.
Our older son is turning 11 and starting Middle school in August. By now we have managed to follow "the later the better" policy about him owning a smartphone. I wanted to postpone the moment when he gets addicted to texting and playing games (he plays games of course on his tablet or X-Box, but personal smartphone is a way different story) but he's been trying to convince me that most of his friends have smartphones and that they get really surprised when they find out that he doesn't have one of his own. Now when he is going to start Middle school I'm afraid the problem can get even worse. I don't want him to feel different but knowing how addicted this thing is, I really don't want him to start walking around like a zombie looking at the screen of his phone all the time. Can you please share your experience? Thanks!
One thing that I have always done is actually check when my child/tween/teen said that "all my friends have something". Usually it ends up that only a few of their peers had whatever they claimed that "everyone had".
I never understood the big push against new technology. My son has had a phone of his own since 5th grade with no problems. It has made mine and his life easier when it comes to needing to communicate while he is at the park or what not.
I don't see the issue with playing games on it either since most kids are on their X box constantly. Our phones have unlimited everything so overages isnt a problem either. Phone planes and phones are so cheep these days its not a big expense to set your kid up with a phone.
One thing that I have always done is actually check when my child/tween/teen said that "all my friends have something". Usually it ends up that only a few of their peers had whatever they claimed that "everyone had".
I highly doubt he's lying about them having smartphones, though, lol.
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