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I'm currently having an argument with a friend of mine who feels that she should support her adult 20 year old son. I told her that as a 20 year old he should be working and standing on his own two feet whereas she feels that she should support him until he moves out on his own.
This kid apparently went off to college in 2014 for his freshman year and flunked out because he got into the party life and didn't go to class. He moved back home with mom and dad (step-dad). Dad feels that he now needs to find a job and help out around the house. He's been trying to get him to find a job since Jan but mom (my friend) keeps blocking that decision. Son re-enrolled in some sort of school part time to work on a graphic design degree. Dad has another daughter from a previous relationship and she's now off in her freshman year. Mom (my friend) feels that since both kids are in school that they shouldn't have to pay to stay at the house. Husband feels that when her son flunked out of school he placed himself in a different position. He feels that had he done okay in school and went back in the fall he wouldn't have had to work. He says that if his daughter flunks out she too would be subject to the same rules.
Son (step-son) is now 20 years old and won't work cause mom is paying everything for him. She feels that parents should help kids till they get out on their own. He'll go spend several nights a week with his girlfriend and her parents and dad feels that if you can go stay with them 3 or 4 nights a week then you might as well move in with them. This girl's parents went out of town on vacation and they literally gave the son one of their extra cars to drive while they're gone. So not only is mommy supporting him, the girlfriend's parents are not only letting him come lay up with their daughter 3 or 4 nights a week but now they're giving him a free car to drive while they're gone. Girlfriend pays for their dates cause son refuses to find a job. I told her that no girl wants to constantly date a guy who refuses to work and just mooches off everyone.
The boy is currently doing some landscaping work for the girlfriend's parents and they are paying him to do it but I told her it sounds like they are just using him and if they are giving him anything it's just pennies on the dollar. If you were to hire an official landscaper you'd spend several thousand dollars but they're probably giving this boy little to nothing if he can't even afford to pay his cell phone bill which mom is paying.
I'm trying to tell her that she's doing nothing more than crippling him and enabling him to be dependent on her. I told her the minute his cell phone gets cut off for a few days he'd find a job then but until he has no reason to work. Mom is paying his bills. Girlfriend is paying for their dates. Girlfriend's parents are giving him a car to drive for free plus access to their daughter at night. Why would he want to do better when he's got everything made?
Ladies, how long would you date a guy who wouldn't work? How many dates would you pay for before you said enough was enough?
I'm currently having an argument with a friend of mine who feels that she should support her adult 20 year old son. I told her that as a 20 year old he should be working and standing on his own two feet whereas she feels that she should support him until he moves out on his own.
This kid apparently went off to college in 2014 for his freshman year and flunked out because he got into the party life and didn't go to class. He moved back home with mom and dad (step-dad). Dad feels that he now needs to find a job and help out around the house. He's been trying to get him to find a job since Jan but mom (my friend) keeps blocking that decision. Son re-enrolled in some sort of school part time to work on a graphic design degree. Dad has another daughter from a previous relationship and she's now off in her freshman year. Mom (my friend) feels that since both kids are in school that they shouldn't have to pay to stay at the house. Husband feels that when her son flunked out of school he placed himself in a different position. He feels that had he done okay in school and went back in the fall he wouldn't have had to work. He says that if his daughter flunks out she too would be subject to the same rules.
Son (step-son) is now 20 years old and won't work cause mom is paying everything for him. She feels that parents should help kids till they get out on their own. He'll go spend several nights a week with his girlfriend and her parents and dad feels that if you can go stay with them 3 or 4 nights a week then you might as well move in with them. This girl's parents went out of town on vacation and they literally gave the son one of their extra cars to drive while they're gone. So not only is mommy supporting him, the girlfriend's parents are not only letting him come lay up with their daughter 3 or 4 nights a week but now they're giving him a free car to drive while they're gone. Girlfriend pays for their dates cause son refuses to find a job. I told her that no girl wants to constantly date a guy who refuses to work and just mooches off everyone.
The boy is currently doing some landscaping work for the girlfriend's parents and they are paying him to do it but I told her it sounds like they are just using him and if they are giving him anything it's just pennies on the dollar. If you were to hire an official landscaper you'd spend several thousand dollars but they're probably giving this boy little to nothing if he can't even afford to pay his cell phone bill which mom is paying.
I'm trying to tell her that she's doing nothing more than crippling him and enabling him to be dependent on her. I told her the minute his cell phone gets cut off for a few days he'd find a job then but until he has no reason to work. Mom is paying his bills. Girlfriend is paying for their dates. Girlfriend's parents are giving him a car to drive for free plus access to their daughter at night. Why would he want to do better when he's got everything made?
Ladies, how long would you date a guy who wouldn't work? How many dates would you pay for before you said enough was enough?
Zero. But there are women out there who are ok with dating losers. I have a cousin who is about 22, I don't think he's ever had a job, but he's had a girlfriend for several years and they both live with his mom. His mom also has a live in boyfriend who doesn't work and is generally a loser, so my cousin's mom and girlfriend are the only two people in the house with jobs and the men don't do anything.
Zero. But there are women out there who are ok with dating losers. I have a cousin who is about 22, I don't think he's ever had a job, but he's had a girlfriend for several years and they both live with his mom. His mom also has a live in boyfriend who doesn't work and is generally a loser, so my cousin's mom and girlfriend are the only two people in the house with jobs and the men don't do anything.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,727,010 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pwebster
Step-dad is trying to teach the kid some responsibility but mom is blocking the entire way.
Stepdad may be the only one who has any sense in this situation. The boy is surrounded by enablers and until that is rectified, stepdad's wishes will fall on deaf ears.
If so, I'll never understand why people continue to create another thread discussing a previous situation. What advice didn't they receive on the other one that they hope to achieve in the new one? What's the purpose of creating another handle just to do this?
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