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Old 02-20-2008, 07:46 AM
 
Location: bumcrack Nebraska
438 posts, read 1,360,424 times
Reputation: 421

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Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
My point is - women should be supporting women - and if necessary - call those out - call it what it is - when women are being judgmental to other women. I have the perspective of having raised my kids and I assure you, whether you believe this now or not . . . you may think your child is exceptional . . . you may think your child has challenges to overcome . . . you may think your methods are so much better than your neighbor's . . . you may think you are totally confused . . . in the end, these kids grow up, go to to school, and they have their own interests, personalities, and abilities . . . and they all turn out pretty much the same.
I have to spread rep around before giving it to you again, otherwise you would earn about a thousand points for this one. I highlighted this section in particular because I just want to scream this from the mountaintops! We all think our kids are geniuses. We all think they are the most beautiful,gorgeous kids that have ever walked the face of the earth. We all think because we read some parenting book we are now enlightened. But that's not reality. Hey, I'll respect your delusion that your kids are perfect if you respect mine! I'll keep my opinion that your kid's a crackhead to myself if you don't tell me you think my kid is the spawn of Satan.

As far as the parents with mental illnesses, this just breaks my heart. Look at Brittney Spears. Yes, she was a little off before she had kids, but I'm sure pregnancy just exacerbated her condition. We judge her. I know I did. But we feel like jerks later when we find out this woman has a serious mental condition that needs treatment. That woman at McDonald's giving her kids fries may be like Brittney. She may need help. The lady at the grocery store with the screaming kids may just be trying to make it through the day without crying. I know many times I've felt like a complete failure because my kids cannot behave in public, only to have some wonderful older woman tell me my kids were so well behaved. Just that little encouragement has helped tremendously.

No one is perfect, no matter how hard they try to make you think they are.
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Old 02-20-2008, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Chicago's burbs
1,013 posts, read 4,062,066 times
Reputation: 905
I want to add, on the breastfeeding topic, that this was never meant to be an argument on whether breastfeeding or bottle feeding is the superior method. Research shows breastfeeding is best, we all know that. Some women do not or can not breastfeed for personal reasons, and there ARE people out there who are very extreme and equate bottle feeding to a form of child abuse. I have come across these people. The negative comments were directed at those people, NOT the women who breastfeed their babies and are respectful of others who don't or can't.
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Old 02-20-2008, 04:28 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,253,264 times
Reputation: 22270
Quote:
Originally Posted by momlady530 View Post
I have to spread rep around before giving it to you again, otherwise you would earn about a thousand points for this one. I highlighted this section in particular because I just want to scream this from the mountaintops! We all think our kids are geniuses. We all think they are the most beautiful,gorgeous kids that have ever walked the face of the earth. We all think because we read some parenting book we are now enlightened. But that's not reality. Hey, I'll respect your delusion that your kids are perfect if you respect mine! I'll keep my opinion that your kid's a crackhead to myself if you don't tell me you think my kid is the spawn of Satan.

As far as the parents with mental illnesses, this just breaks my heart. Look at Brittney Spears. Yes, she was a little off before she had kids, but I'm sure pregnancy just exacerbated her condition. We judge her. I know I did. But we feel like jerks later when we find out this woman has a serious mental condition that needs treatment. That woman at McDonald's giving her kids fries may be like Brittney. She may need help. The lady at the grocery store with the screaming kids may just be trying to make it through the day without crying. I know many times I've felt like a complete failure because my kids cannot behave in public, only to have some wonderful older woman tell me my kids were so well behaved. Just that little encouragement has helped tremendously.

No one is perfect, no matter how hard they try to make you think they are.
Brittney Spears is a perfect example in the public eye right now. We just don't know what is going on w/ someone else's mental health. We don't.

And if we all stop and really think about it . . . I bet every one of us knows a family that raised several kids - and everyone seems just fine! But then one child gets him/herself into some kind of big mess . . . and we all just shake our heads, thinking - well, why on earth - they seem like a nice family - why is that one poor kid having such a hard time? All kids are different, even when raised in the same household. And just b/c we are trying our best to be good parents, it doesn't mean our kids are always gonna walk the path we dreamed for them.

As I look back . . . and think about all those beautiful little faces I saw when my youngest entered kindergarten . . . those precious little children . . . and now they are all grown up . . . and who could have guessed what those children were going to face . . . or what hardships would come their way? Some are out of college now . . . some dropped out . . . one was diagnosed w/ melanoma and died. . . one was killed in a car accident . . . several got married so early . . . some surprised us all and not only excelled in college, landed terrific jobs! Some like my son have changed their majors several times and are taking longer to get out of school . . . one went to junior college and then joined the Marines . . .

Some of the moms turned out to be witches and alienated themselves from everyone, LOL. Some turned out to be great friends over the years . . . all of us have cried over things w/ our own kids and w/ someone else's . . . but any of the competition - w/ clothes, grades, sports - it didn't matter a bit except to hurt friendships b/n adults! The kids moved on w/ their lives . . .

You never forget the women who reached out in kindness. You rarely forget the ones who were pushy and mean spirited. But regardless, one day it is over . . . the kids graduate from high school . . . and they scatter off to different places . . .

And believe me . . . even if some of the days seem long, especially if your child is sick . . . it all goes too fast!!! Waaaaaay too fast!!!!
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Old 02-20-2008, 08:49 PM
 
8,240 posts, read 14,896,860 times
Reputation: 3651
I'm always a little bit sad when I'm with moms who have younger kids, or their first, to get a whiff of the smugness that their kid reads/rides a bike/talks/draws/is taller than/is prettier than the other kids. The truth...the SCARY truth to many moms...is that kids will turn out, for the most part, the way they will IN SPITE of our efforts as moms, not necessarily BECAUSE. Moms: judge less, support more and enjoy the moment.
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Old 02-21-2008, 09:28 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,253,264 times
Reputation: 22270
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimimomx3 View Post
I'm always a little bit sad when I'm with moms who have younger kids, or their first, to get a whiff of the smugness that their kid reads/rides a bike/talks/draws/is taller than/is prettier than the other kids. The truth...the SCARY truth to many moms...is that kids will turn out, for the most part, the way they will IN SPITE of our efforts as moms, not necessarily BECAUSE. Moms: judge less, support more and enjoy the moment.
You managed to say it all, Mimimom. I am so there w/ you . . . raising children is hard work, but it should also be fun and precious memories . . . and no room for judgmental or smug attitudes.

It is easy to get our own egos and needs mixed up w/ our child's performance and turn those fleeting childhood years into a competition. Yes, sad.
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Old 02-21-2008, 03:49 PM
 
Location: Texas
690 posts, read 2,354,193 times
Reputation: 451
Well, I didn't breastfeed, cause I didn't want to. Is it better? Duh, of course it is. I knew that then, know it now, still didn't want to. DD's healthy as a horse.

You know, I'm really not a judgemental person by nature - I'm not. How you parent is how you parent, and as long as your kid isn't flinging corn niblets at me and mine at the restaurant while we're trying to eat, we're all good. But, I do have one issue that's recently reared its ugly head now that my child's in junior high and although I think I'm doing a good job of dealing with it, it's irking me: children that are my DD's age (12) whose parents are taking them to Starbucks every morning, letting them carry cell phones, wearing $100 pairs of jeans, etc. I think it's great that there are parents who can afford this, and want to provide their children with everything they can - but what are these parents going to do as their children get older? If you've been there and done that at 12, what's there to look forward to when you're, say, 16?

Meanwhile, my child wants to know why SHE can't go to Starbucks. Why SHE can't have a cell phone. Why SHE can't have $100 pairs of jeans.

Why? Well, first of all, you're too damn young to drink coffee. Second of all, a cell phone?! Are you kidding me?? If you're not with me and Daddy, you're at school. Thirdly, get a job, and we'll talk about it.

I'm YOUR mother, therefore, I do it MY way.

So far so good. Sure, she gets pissed off, but it's working as of now.

Help....me......

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Old 02-21-2008, 04:44 PM
 
Location: bumcrack Nebraska
438 posts, read 1,360,424 times
Reputation: 421
Quote:
Originally Posted by MSJones View Post
Well, I didn't breastfeed, cause I didn't want to. Is it better? Duh, of course it is. I knew that then, know it now, still didn't want to. DD's healthy as a horse.

You know, I'm really not a judgemental person by nature - I'm not. How you parent is how you parent, and as long as your kid isn't flinging corn niblets at me and mine at the restaurant while we're trying to eat, we're all good. But, I do have one issue that's recently reared its ugly head now that my child's in junior high and although I think I'm doing a good job of dealing with it, it's irking me: children that are my DD's age (12) whose parents are taking them to Starbucks every morning, letting them carry cell phones, wearing $100 pairs of jeans, etc. I think it's great that there are parents who can afford this, and want to provide their children with everything they can - but what are these parents going to do as their children get older? If you've been there and done that at 12, what's there to look forward to when you're, say, 16?

Meanwhile, my child wants to know why SHE can't go to Starbucks. Why SHE can't have a cell phone. Why SHE can't have $100 pairs of jeans.

Why? Well, first of all, you're too damn young to drink coffee. Second of all, a cell phone?! Are you kidding me?? If you're not with me and Daddy, you're at school. Thirdly, get a job, and we'll talk about it.

I'm YOUR mother, therefore, I do it MY way.

So far so good. Sure, she gets pissed off, but it's working as of now.

Help....me......

No kidding! Sure I'll let my 12yo wear $100 jeans, when she pays for them. Starbucks every morning? If my kids pay for it, maybe. Cell phone? Hopefully when my kids get older cell phones won't exist. I know where you're coming from. I saw a mom at preschool whose 2yo was wearing a pair of Uggs. $80 shoes for a 2yo? I'm sorry, but I don't view my kids as trophies to display.
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Old 02-21-2008, 10:21 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
421 posts, read 1,207,891 times
Reputation: 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by momlady530 View Post
I felt the need to start a new thread addressing the issue of competitive parenting. Here's your chance to sound off about competitive parenting. I'll go first.

Helicopter parents irk me. You know who they are. The ones who can't let their kids play on the playground without hovering over them. The ones who look at me sitting on the bench like I'm abusing my kids because I actually let the go down the slide by themselves! For shame! The ones who sit on the sidelines during cheerleading and do all the cheers for their kids.

And no, I didn't hand make my kid's Valentines this year or any year for that matter. I bought mine at the store. And you know what? My kids were more than happy. We sat there and addressed the Valentines and talked about all kinds of things. So, don't judge me because I don't make crafts. Honestly if you saw anything crafty I made you'd think even less of me.

And no, I don't scream out commands to my kids at soccer games. Heck, we're lucky we make it on time and with most of the equipment. My kids don't know the difference between their Wal-Mart cleats and some other kids $50 cleats they'll wear one year. Just between you and me I even buy my kids clothes at Wal-Mart. Sometimes I even buy stuff at the local consignment shop.

And yes I breastfeed, but only because I'm lazy. Its so much easier to feed at night when I don't have to mix a bottle. Just pop the baby on and go back to sleep. And I did hand grind their food for a while, but only because I'm cheap.

What makes me a good mom (and you for that matter) is that I love my kids unconditionally. They are happy. I know this because they giggle nonstop, often to the point of making my ears bleed. They're healthy despite the McDonald's fries I allow them to have. Don't judge me or any other mom for that matter. We're just trying to survive the next 18 years!
I have to comment.
I am right with you on the breast feeding issue. In the middle of the night who wants to get up and warm a bottle? Not me. It's absolutely easier to just lay there.
Also, the playground. I'm on the bench watching with you. My daughter would prefer me not hovering...Thank God I'm not a helicopter mom...
Kudos to you.
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Old 02-22-2008, 06:36 PM
 
947 posts, read 2,782,466 times
Reputation: 721
Quote:
Originally Posted by momlady530 View Post
No kidding! Sure I'll let my 12yo wear $100 jeans, when she pays for them. Starbucks every morning? If my kids pay for it, maybe. Cell phone? Hopefully when my kids get older cell phones won't exist. I know where you're coming from. I saw a mom at preschool whose 2yo was wearing a pair of Uggs. $80 shoes for a 2yo? I'm sorry, but I don't view my kids as trophies to display.
Amen! Good to know there are plenty of Sane Mommies out there. What also irks me are mom's who brag about there kids accomplishments. Relax people, every child will be good at something!
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Old 02-24-2008, 04:01 PM
 
308 posts, read 1,443,288 times
Reputation: 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by MSJones View Post
Well, I didn't breastfeed, cause I didn't want to. Is it better? Duh, of course it is. I knew that then, know it now, still didn't want to. DD's healthy as a horse.

You know, I'm really not a judgemental person by nature - I'm not. How you parent is how you parent, and as long as your kid isn't flinging corn niblets at me and mine at the restaurant while we're trying to eat, we're all good. But, I do have one issue that's recently reared its ugly head now that my child's in junior high and although I think I'm doing a good job of dealing with it, it's irking me: children that are my DD's age (12) whose parents are taking them to Starbucks every morning, letting them carry cell phones, wearing $100 pairs of jeans, etc. I think it's great that there are parents who can afford this, and want to provide their children with everything they can - but what are these parents going to do as their children get older? If you've been there and done that at 12, what's there to look forward to when you're, say, 16?

Meanwhile, my child wants to know why SHE can't go to Starbucks. Why SHE can't have a cell phone. Why SHE can't have $100 pairs of jeans.

Why? Well, first of all, you're too damn young to drink coffee. Second of all, a cell phone?! Are you kidding me?? If you're not with me and Daddy, you're at school. Thirdly, get a job, and we'll talk about it.

I'm YOUR mother, therefore, I do it MY way.

So far so good. Sure, she gets pissed off, but it's working as of now.

Help....me......

12? If only. There were kids in my son's class the past few years that have the same things. Even better. My child's in first grade. Yep, you read that correctly. He's in first grade this year. In his preschool classes, there were a handful of children with these luxury items. Kindergarten came, and even more of them popped up. IPods, cell phones (not the 'kid' ones), expensive shoes, etc. Now he's in first grade and he's one of a handful that do not have these items.

I'm proud of him though. He typically does not harass us for these items (mainly because he already knows the answer) and he is happy for what he gets. He tends to only ask for things around his b-day or x-mas, otherwise, he genuinely thanks us (or he's a damned good actor ) whenever we decide to surprise him with a little something extra.

One of his classmates had a halloween party last year (or was it the year prior?). I agreed to let him go, since I assumed it would be a small party. Instead, it was a very large party with more than a couple of hundred people there. The party was apparently also for friends of the classmate's older siblings & parents. The place was HUGE. House, guest house, tennis courts, property set up for a lengthy hayride over a couple o' acres. I worried that my son would be harrassing us for all sorts of things by the time we left some hours later. So, I was pleasantly surprised later that night, as we were pulling out of their windy, mile or two (or three) long drive, when he asked, "Mommy, why do 'x' & his parents have so much stuff? They seem like they have too many things." Out of the mouth of babes.

I simply hope he stays this way for the next several years. :
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