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Old 02-24-2008, 09:38 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,909,071 times
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Since we are talking about being competitive here... anyone have thoughts on bday parties for their kids?
I am feeling so much "pressure" these days not so much from friends,but my saavy family members who feel the need to make their own invitations (and claim they are saving money by doing so), make their own cakes and then have to email pictures of them to people who can't attend the party, take out books about how to do special hairdo's for their children for the bday parties,etc...
It is becoming so much that I can't stand to talk to this particular person when a bday is approaching for one of her children.
One day, out of pure rage, I came out and said "do you do all of this to impress other (mom's) or because you actually enjoy this?" needless to say, the conversation became quite defensive.
Why can't a bday party be like it was when we were children? I remember the "treat" being a dixie cup filled with m&m's at each place setting at the party and horn blowers!
Now,we have gift bags like they hand out at the Oscars!

I think that my girls parties have always been nice,but then when my family comes and makes remarks such as "well,did you see the cake so & so made for (name) bday party?"
You know what? I did,because I got the email and quite honestly, I would rather have a cake made from the grocery store that looks decent rather than a cake that I can't quite figure out what it is suppose to be!
Will my girls consider themselves slighted because their mom didn't make their own cakes or follow Martha Stewart's "How to hold the BEST kiddie party on the block" rules??
I certainly hope not, and I would like to think that I am not the only mom who thinks this way??
Feeling a little unsaavy....
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Old 02-24-2008, 10:37 PM
 
Location: bumcrack Nebraska
438 posts, read 1,363,078 times
Reputation: 421
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
Since we are talking about being competitive here... anyone have thoughts on bday parties for their kids?
I am feeling so much "pressure" these days not so much from friends,but my saavy family members who feel the need to make their own invitations (and claim they are saving money by doing so), make their own cakes and then have to email pictures of them to people who can't attend the party, take out books about how to do special hairdo's for their children for the bday parties,etc...
It is becoming so much that I can't stand to talk to this particular person when a bday is approaching for one of her children.
One day, out of pure rage, I came out and said "do you do all of this to impress other (mom's) or because you actually enjoy this?" needless to say, the conversation became quite defensive.
Why can't a bday party be like it was when we were children? I remember the "treat" being a dixie cup filled with m&m's at each place setting at the party and horn blowers!
Now,we have gift bags like they hand out at the Oscars!

I think that my girls parties have always been nice,but then when my family comes and makes remarks such as "well,did you see the cake so & so made for (name) bday party?"
You know what? I did,because I got the email and quite honestly, I would rather have a cake made from the grocery store that looks decent rather than a cake that I can't quite figure out what it is suppose to be!
Will my girls consider themselves slighted because their mom didn't make their own cakes or follow Martha Stewart's "How to hold the BEST kiddie party on the block" rules??
I certainly hope not, and I would like to think that I am not the only mom who thinks this way??
Feeling a little unsaavy....
The birthday party thing really gets me as well. I've been to one that was a treasure hunt theme. The mom made little treasure chests for all the kids. They went on this big extravagant scavenger hunt with all these clues printed up on fancy paper. It was so over the top. The kids had fun, but they had just as much fun playing on the swingset after all the activities were done. And the cake! My God this thing was a 3-D rendition of a treasure chest. All homemade, of course!

I have to say I don't feel the slightest bit guilty about not going over the top with a birthday party. Honestly, we usually have a few kids over for cake, ice cream, and presents. And you know what? My kids are just as happy with that as the kids with $500 birthday parties. And yes, I do make the cake, but only in rectangle or circle shapes and only from a box!
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Old 02-25-2008, 05:24 AM
 
Location: Wake Forest
934 posts, read 939,525 times
Reputation: 326
you're not alone...I don't get the whole birthday party thing either. lol

my daughters last bday party was at the park. My best friend made her cake ( she has a little cake making business on the side)- and the pretty cake was her present from her. We had pizza, cake and ice cream, and the kids had fun playing on the play equipment.
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Old 11-22-2008, 04:54 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
1,030 posts, read 1,257,854 times
Reputation: 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by beanandpumpkin View Post
I agree that judgemental attitudes need to stop.

I don't like hearing that women feel bullied and ashamed because they did not breastfeed! I also don't like hearing "this woman I know is nursing her 2 year old--how gross!!" I"ve been on both sides of that coin... I had a VERY hard time nursing my son, so only nursed for a month. I nursed my daughter for 3 1/2 years. Do I love one more than the other? Of course not! I did what I felt was best in each situation.

I don't like hearing parents being made to feel guilty or harrassed over their children's medical needs. That must be heartbreaking, to have other people's judgement to deal with on top of everything else. I also don't like being told that I'm a bad parent for making "unpopular" medical decisions for my children, like not vaccinating.

All of us do what we think is in the best interest of our children. I will bet that the small percentage of parents who really don't give a hoot about their kids are NOT debating/discussing their parenting on a message board. So in that I take comfort, knowing that almost everyone here is most likely a very loving and caring parent. There is no need to attack someone else, even if you don't like what they're doing with their own kids, unless it's abuse. (Now we can go into a long tirade about what abuse is or is not... it's not formula-feeding, it's not letting a baby fuss in a crib for 15 minutes, it's not making an educated decision against medical interventions, it's not bresatfeeding a 3 year old. It's not an occasional swat on the butt for misbehavior. By classifying those things as "abuse," we totally hypersensitize ourselves and might have a hard time deciding what sorts of things are REALLY abuse!)

Anyway, that went off on a tangent... LOL All of us are doing our best, so if you don't like what someone's doing, just don't do it with your own kid!

Only you should care if you vaccinate your children. I know mine have been vaccinated and have had titers done to make sure they are immune so when a child who is not vaccinated contaminates a school, my kids will be o.k.

really though, I have had lengthy discussions with multiple pediatricians and still don't get the vaccination thing. You know what the autism rate is in nonvaccinated kids? The same as vaccinated kids.
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Old 11-22-2008, 05:43 AM
 
58 posts, read 286,624 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by momlady530 View Post
I understand how someone can be offended by the term "breastfeeding Nazis". The Nazis were horrible people.
So are breastfeeding Nazis. And I won't apologize for saying so. These women are some of the nastiest, most detached from reality "women" I've ever seen, and the biggest liars to boot. Who tells a young woman that their child will be retarded if they're given formula, for goodness sakes!? And just in case you didn't know, "boob nazis" came from THEM, not their detractors. They wear that tag with pride! Anyone who says that a guilty formula feeding mother DESERVES to feel guilty deserves to be beaten with a can of Similac. Any nurse who refuses to provide formula for a new mother, forcing that mother to leave the hospital, deserves to be shot. Yes, that happened to my sis-in-law! Now, we all know that I'm not talking about all breastfeeding mothers (or even 80%), but let's not act like you don't know exactly the kinds of women I'm talking about when we say "breastfeeding Nazis." I call them harpies, just to be more sensitive, but my disdain for them is pretty strong.

*exhale*

Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
Since we are talking about being competitive here... anyone have thoughts on bday parties for their kids?
Our parties are more like outings. "It's your birthday, let's get you and a couple of friends and go out to eat!" But parties as in cakes-and-clowns parties? No haps. Oh, and when I throw a party, that's my way of saying, "let me entertain YOU," not "YOU come bring ME something." Times are hard nowadays, and I honestly think that parents having to buy gifts for somebody else's kid is asinine. I'd rather get them all together and take them to Chuck E Cheese and let them ALL be on equal footing, no gifts from anyone. If my niece and nephews need something, the FAMILY will get it for them. We don't need little Johnny's mom and dad to buy them a daggone truck - that's my job. I've seen birthday party invitations with gift registries inside - some for things like diapers and bottles and formula! Those go straight into the trash can in our family.

*exhale again!*

Last edited by Dora Milaje; 11-22-2008 at 05:56 AM..
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Old 11-22-2008, 06:08 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
1,030 posts, read 1,257,854 times
Reputation: 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dora Milaje View Post
So are breastfeeding Nazis. And I won't apologize for saying so. These women are some of the nastiest, most detached from reality "women" I've ever seen, and the biggest liars to boot. Who tells a young woman that their child will be retarded if they're given formula, for goodness sakes!? And just in case you didn't know, "boob nazis" came from THEM, not their detractors. They wear that tag with pride! Anyone who says that a guilty formula feeding mother DESERVES to feel guilty deserves to be beaten with a can of Similac. Any nurse who refuses to provide formula for a new mother, forcing that mother to leave the hospital, deserves to be shot. Yes, that happened to my sis-in-law! Now, we all know that I'm not talking about all breastfeeding mothers (or even 80%), but let's not act like you don't know exactly the kinds of women I'm talking about when we say "breastfeeding Nazis." I call them harpies, just to be more sensitive, but my disdain for them is pretty strong.

*exhale*



Our parties are more like outings. "It's your birthday, let's get you and a couple of friends and go out to eat!" But parties as in cakes-and-clowns parties? No haps. Oh, and when I throw a party, that's my way of saying, "let me entertain YOU," not "YOU come bring ME something." Times are hard nowadays, and I honestly think that parents having to buy gifts for somebody else's kid is asinine. I'd rather get them all together and take them to Chuck E Cheese and let them ALL be on equal footing, no gifts from anyone. If my niece and nephews need something, the FAMILY will get it for them. We don't need little Johnny's mom and dad to buy them a daggone truck - that's my job. I've seen birthday party invitations with gift registries inside - some for things like diapers and bottles and formula! Those go straight into the trash can in our family.

*exhale again!*
never seen a bday invite with a registry. that is crazy. we have cut down the parties to the kids and 5 or 6 of their friends and we take them to do whatever the bday kid wants. this year looks like bowling for the son and who knows what for the daughter.
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Old 11-22-2008, 06:52 AM
 
Location: Central Kentucky
850 posts, read 2,854,279 times
Reputation: 503
Default I love this!!!!

I read the topic of your thread and was totally intrigued, and had to read and re-read it just because I could see myself in so many things you speak of.

You are so RIGHT! Matter of fact, read through the answers to some posts around here and it is as if we are playing 'my mom is better than your mom' because we do this or don't do that. You are just so right.

I don't nurse because I cannot. Meds I take do not allow it, so I fall into the group of 'not doing the most healthy thing for the baby' - and the planet because we use the sterile 'drop ins'. Waste, waste.

When my older boys were in school, I was working, and was one of those moms who did not know all their teachers by name. I had a parent tell me once at a meeting for the 8th grade dance , " Oh, you're one of THOSE moms". Yep, call me negligent because I worked and only kept up with homework, food on the table and clothes on their back. Apparently I was doing something right as there was no need for me to know their names - the kids didn't get in trouble, therefore I had no reason to 'meet' teachers in person. They knew if they were in trouble at school, it was double at home and a spanking would follow if necessary.

Yes, I am a spanker, and that throws me into the most controversial thread of all...too early to go there...

I am a walking contradiction in terms, because I tout the goodness of organics and chemical free living - yet I still smoke (outside) and have also allowed my child to experience McDonalds fries and an occasional sip of pepsi.
(his father is a pepsi-holic).

I believe in putting my child first, but will listen to the monitor until he truly gets upset to finish a post here or the rare painting of my toenails.

I believe in socializing kids and getting them used to others at a young age, yet my 8 month old cannot be held anyone but a select few because we hardly ever leave the house/our space. Blame that on my DH if we must, as he wants the child out of the general public til he's at least a year... but... baby does go to Walmart everytime we shop. ??????????????

Call me senile, as everything I learned parenting the first time around has left my head, and while I never child proofed the house before, I find myself putting things away now that baby is mobile. I do not know if this is due to my increase in paranoia, or being too lazy to constantly jump up and redirect him, though once he is up, I do not sit down unless I go to the bathroom or rock him to sleep - who has time? (Potty - I have been known to hold it for hours because I did not have time to go!)

I have successfully gotten two children to the 18 year old mark, and realize they need me more now (though they deny it) than they did when they were small - different issues, of course - yet now I am starting over and just trying to get to tomorrow - or at least until bedtime tonight!

We all must do what we feel is right at a particular moment for our particular child. They do not come with manuals - some respond to timeout, others to 'reasoning', and then some just have to have a swat becasue they are hardheaded and refuse to turn around. We struggle daily and second guess ourselves constantly, we seek advice and sometimes will take it, but most of all....we ALL love our children more than life itself or we would not be posting and sharing here on this board.

Advice is great, sharing is wonderful, but cutting one another down because 'we' think 'we' are better then 'them' is hazardous to our health.

All in the same boat..just with different oars.


Happy Day!
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Old 11-22-2008, 07:17 AM
 
2,838 posts, read 8,863,970 times
Reputation: 2858
Quote:
Originally Posted by nrfitchett4 View Post
Only you should care if you vaccinate your children. I know mine have been vaccinated and have had titers done to make sure they are immune so when a child who is not vaccinated contaminates a school, my kids will be o.k.

really though, I have had lengthy discussions with multiple pediatricians and still don't get the vaccination thing. You know what the autism rate is in nonvaccinated kids? The same as vaccinated kids.
There are other threads where you can get more info on the non-vax stance. It really has very little to do with autism. Also, the vaccines that your children had are not 100% effective, and usually it's those vaccinated children (who have had their immunity wear off or never "take" in the first place) who are "contaminating" the school...

But thanks so much for your non-judgemental attitude.
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Old 11-23-2008, 05:59 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
1,030 posts, read 1,257,854 times
Reputation: 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by beanandpumpkin View Post
There are other threads where you can get more info on the non-vax stance. It really has very little to do with autism. Also, the vaccines that your children had are not 100% effective, and usually it's those vaccinated children (who have had their immunity wear off or never "take" in the first place) who are "contaminating" the school...

But thanks so much for your non-judgemental attitude.
That's what the titers are for. But don't worry, my child won't get yours sick. you get on your soap box about all the benefits of breast feeding, but then are against immunizations.

What do you think ended the polio epidemic in the 50's? or Smallpox? What happens if one kid at school goes overseas and comes back with smallpox? considering the 30% fatality rate of the disease (up to 98% in children), how many kids could die. Most of the diseases are parents had to fear are mostly gone now due to vaccines. Have their been some side effects? sure, just as with any other medication. But to me the benefits outway the risks.

I will research the vaccines further, but my kids have gotten all their vaccines so the point is really mute. Just like the flu vaccine. gotten it every year since I was 12 and haven't had full blown flu since. considering I work at a hospital getting coughed and sneezed on, I consider that pretty good.
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Old 11-23-2008, 06:11 AM
 
Location: Texas
42,339 posts, read 50,019,797 times
Reputation: 67265
Don't try arguing with the anti-vaccine people. It's off-topic, anyway.


As to helicopter parenting vs not vs crazy brithdays vs whatever...look, your kids' reality will be based on whatever you make it. Doing anything to compete with a neighbor or friend's parents or whatever will lead to insane and nonstop tail-chasing.

Do what you think is right for them and for your family. A child with good values and good work ethic will make it no matter if they go to after-school underwater basket weaving or do calculus in preschool or have store-bought bday cake.
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