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Old 02-18-2008, 05:46 PM
 
Location: bumcrack Nebraska
438 posts, read 1,360,258 times
Reputation: 421

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I felt the need to start a new thread addressing the issue of competitive parenting. Here's your chance to sound off about competitive parenting. I'll go first.

Helicopter parents irk me. You know who they are. The ones who can't let their kids play on the playground without hovering over them. The ones who look at me sitting on the bench like I'm abusing my kids because I actually let the go down the slide by themselves! For shame! The ones who sit on the sidelines during cheerleading and do all the cheers for their kids.

And no, I didn't hand make my kid's Valentines this year or any year for that matter. I bought mine at the store. And you know what? My kids were more than happy. We sat there and addressed the Valentines and talked about all kinds of things. So, don't judge me because I don't make crafts. Honestly if you saw anything crafty I made you'd think even less of me.

And no, I don't scream out commands to my kids at soccer games. Heck, we're lucky we make it on time and with most of the equipment. My kids don't know the difference between their Wal-Mart cleats and some other kids $50 cleats they'll wear one year. Just between you and me I even buy my kids clothes at Wal-Mart. Sometimes I even buy stuff at the local consignment shop.

And yes I breastfeed, but only because I'm lazy. Its so much easier to feed at night when I don't have to mix a bottle. Just pop the baby on and go back to sleep. And I did hand grind their food for a while, but only because I'm cheap.

What makes me a good mom (and you for that matter) is that I love my kids unconditionally. They are happy. I know this because they giggle nonstop, often to the point of making my ears bleed. They're healthy despite the McDonald's fries I allow them to have. Don't judge me or any other mom for that matter. We're just trying to survive the next 18 years!
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Old 02-18-2008, 05:55 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,341,204 times
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LMAO!! So true. I've got enough on my plate raising my own kid to worry about how somebody else is raising theirs.

I'm glad you said that about BFing too. I told my family that was my reason for doing it too. My husband insisted only someone with my twisted sense of humor would say that out loud. I'll have to show him there are others like me out there. LOL.

But I'll have to apologize to my daughter now, print this out and show it to her someday (she's only 2 now) because as much as I would like to think I won't, I know I'll be the mom sitting in the bleachers at one of her softball games screaming, "SLIDE SABRINA SLIDE!!!!!" But I promise to tell her how great she did once she gets in the car-hopefully that will even it out. LOL.
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Old 02-18-2008, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Wake Forest
934 posts, read 931,803 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momlady530 View Post

What makes me a good mom (and you for that matter) is that I love my kids unconditionally. They are happy. I know this because they giggle nonstop, often to the point of making my ears bleed. They're healthy despite the McDonald's fries I allow them to have. Don't judge me or any other mom for that matter. We're just trying to survive the next 18 years!
Aren't we all! lol

I think a lot of times on message boards (email, IM, etc) the tone in which the person MEANS it, is lost. Then it snowballs. And we all know where that goes!

I couldn't breastfeed at all, so I am envious of those who had the opportunity to! Even if just for a bit! Somehow (good luck or hubbys good genes?) we never had an ear infection, or any of the things that supposedly come along with such *horrid* ways to feed!

I let my kids jump on the couch and their beds-I gave up on having nice furniture when my oldest was about 2! lol

I wasn't competitive when I was IN school- even less so now! lol Sure, I have my opinions (we all do) and I'll give my opinions fairly freely, but its nothing against a person when they disagree...

We all love our kids, and would do anything in the world for them. The love that is in the home is so much more important than ANY thing else!
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Old 02-18-2008, 06:03 PM
 
Location: bumcrack Nebraska
438 posts, read 1,360,258 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommiewrites View Post
I couldn't breastfeed at all, so I am envious of those who had the opportunity to! Even if just for a bit! Somehow (good luck or hubbys good genes?) we never had an ear infection, or any of the things that supposedly come along with such *horrid* ways to feed!
I would never judge anyone who didn't breastfeed. I only nursed my first for 3 weeks, and most of that was pumped. She just wouldn't. And surprisingly she has had the fewest ear infections. Go figure.

As far as good furniture, I too have given up on that. Slipcovers mask many years worth of spilled juice, puke, snot, and everything in between. A mom I knew purchased all new Pottery Barn furniture. I actually laughed knowing it would be ruined in a matter of weeks. Don't get me wrong, I dream of beautiful Pottery Barn rooms, but its going to be destroyed in my house.
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Old 02-18-2008, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Chicago's burbs
1,013 posts, read 4,061,585 times
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My son is only 21 months (my first) so I haven't reached the competitive sports, making valentines for school, helicopter parent stage yet.

What DOES drive me nuts is the breastfeeding nazis who act like you are abusing your child, making them horribly sick, making them dumb, giving them athsma, making them obese, subjecting them to cavities, tons of ear aches, and you couldn't possibly have bonded with your baby by giving them toxic formula. I tried breastfeeding, he wouldn't do it. The lactation specialist couldn't get him to either. So rather than drive myself insane, I gave him formula. And it ended up working out well because that way hubby could get up for some of the feedings and I was a better, happier Mommy because I could get some sleep. By the way, my son has none of the ailments I listed above, nor do I. (My Mom was a BAD Mommy and formula fed me, too!) I'm not saying there is anything wrong with breastfeeding, breastfeeding is great, but it doesn't work for everyone!
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Old 02-18-2008, 06:48 PM
 
Location: bumcrack Nebraska
438 posts, read 1,360,258 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sbd78 View Post
My son is only 21 months (my first) so I haven't reached the competitive sports, making valentines for school, helicopter parent stage yet.

What DOES drive me nuts is the breastfeeding nazis who act like you are abusing your child, making them horribly sick, making them dumb, giving them athsma, making them obese, subjecting them to cavities, tons of ear aches, and you couldn't possibly have bonded with your baby by giving them toxic formula. I tried breastfeeding, he wouldn't do it. The lactation specialist couldn't get him to either. So rather than drive myself insane, I gave him formula. And it ended up working out well because that way hubby could get up for some of the feedings and I was a better, happier Mommy because I could get some sleep. By the way, my son has none of the ailments I listed above, nor do I. (My Mom was a BAD Mommy and formula fed me, too!) I'm not saying there is anything wrong with breastfeeding, breastfeeding is great, but it doesn't work for everyone!
The breastfeeding nazis get me too, and I'm a nursing mom. I guess since I've been on both sides of the argument I understand what women go through when they can't nurse. I know how guilty they feel because everyone is watching them whip out a bottle instead of a boob. I bonded just as easily with my first bottle-fed baby as I did with my second and third breastfed babies. And my mom was a bad mommy too. Heck, she gave me cow's milk before I was 1 year! How I survived I'll never know.
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Old 02-18-2008, 07:12 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,242,129 times
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Just had to weight in! I breastfed and was lucky that I not only wanted to do it, but also had good breast milk. However, many of my friends had real problems BFing and they were made to feel like they were neglectful mothers!!! Luckily, I have younger friends who I was able to help through tough times w/ BFing. One of my friends called me in tears in her hospital room, b/c after her C-section, she just simply could not BF and the nurse YELLED AT HER!!!! I was aghast. My poor friend, who was in a lot of pain from a C-section and trying so hard to deal w/ being "a good mom" was a hormonal wreck, feeling like a failure already b/c she had not had a vaginal birth (yes, yet another way to make a mom feeling like a failure from Day One) - and then getting lectured and yelled at by a nurse - over BF'ing!!!

I wont' even get into the saga of what she went through at the hands of a lactation nurse for a week, until wh/time she called me again, baby screaming, husband wringing his hands - b/c she could not get her baby to breastfeed, plus her milk was hardly coming in at all. I said - okay - time to play older, wiser woman and put everyone out of this misery. All my friend needed was someone to give her permission that it is OKAY to fix that baby a bottle of formula and MOVE ON.

Now, five years later, my friend tells me she was so emotional, so over wrought (hormonal) after her little boy's birth and that she truly felt traumatized over the whole BF'ing fiasco! Traumatized! She said she felt ashamed and like a failure b/c she had not BF.

Now that is ridiculous. BTW - her little boy has been a very healthy kid - no ear infections and no allergies, wh/ has "eased the guilt" somewhat.

How horrible that someone would be made to feel guilty and ashamed b/c she could not successfully breastfeed!!!!
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Old 02-18-2008, 07:57 PM
 
Location: The mountians of Northern California.
1,354 posts, read 5,625,993 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momlady530 View Post
I felt the need to start a new thread addressing the issue of competitive parenting. Here's your chance to sound off about competitive parenting. I'll go first.

Helicopter parents irk me. You know who they are. The ones who can't let their kids play on the playground without hovering over them.
Hey.....I am a helicopter mom to my daughter, but not my 5 year old son. He would never allow it, lol. My daughter has autism, which isn't a visible disability until she talks or does her other odd mannerism things. So I am the parent helping her go down the slide, I have to help her walk over and introduce herself to other kids, etc. I have to actually show her how some play equipment are meant to be used.

I am the parent that gets the nasty looks and comments from other moms at the park for being a helicopter mom. I am the parent who gets the dirty looks and comments at the store because at times I have to pick up an 8 year old and carry her out of the store. The list goes on. I have to help her like most parents help a toddler or pre-school age kid. Those types of things startle people who can't see why a normal looking 8 year old would need help with such little things. Once I explain my kid has autism and if I don't do these things she will have a meltdown, they almost always say they are sorry and give the look of pity. But its not fun to announce, 'Hey my kid has autism, stop looking at me like that.' or 'If you have something to say, say it to my face, not under your breath because I can still hear it.'

If moms spent more time parenting their own kids vs telling others what bad parents they are, we would all be better off. I think the ones that are constantly going off about others feel insecure about themselves. They have to punish the rest of us with their negative comments in order to feel better about themselves. But that is just my theory.

I also got the breast feeding guilt trip, the non-sling wearing guilt trip, the you don't make your own baby food guilt trip, the list goes on. My child could not breast feed. Later when she was diagnosed with autism, I found it that is very common. We really struggled with sleeping schedules, going to social events, etc. So all the crap people said to me, that made me feel insecure as a first time mom, still makes me mad. I need to get over it, but come on, people need to worry about themselves and not what is happening in my household.
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Old 02-18-2008, 08:24 PM
 
Location: bumcrack Nebraska
438 posts, read 1,360,258 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inthesierras View Post
Hey.....I am a helicopter mom to my daughter, but not my 5 year old son. He would never allow it, lol. My daughter has autism, which isn't a visible disability until she talks or does her other odd mannerism things. So I am the parent helping her go down the slide, I have to help her walk over and introduce herself to other kids, etc. I have to actually show her how some play equipment are meant to be used.
OK. You actually have a reason. You do it to help your child. I get that and respect it 100%. What I have a problem with are the ones who do it to feel better about their parenting, the ones who look around as if to say "Look at how wonderfully involved I am".

And do not feel bad about leaving somewhere with a screaming kid. The people looking at you aren't judging you, at least I'm not. They're saying "Thank God its not just my kids!" My kids aren't autistic and I've left grocery carts full in the middle of the store with a kid under each arm kicking and screaming for something or another too many times to count.
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Old 02-18-2008, 09:07 PM
 
Location: The mountians of Northern California.
1,354 posts, read 5,625,993 times
Reputation: 1270
Quote:
Originally Posted by momlady530 View Post
OK. You actually have a reason. You do it to help your child. I get that and respect it 100%. What I have a problem with are the ones who do it to feel better about their parenting, the ones who look around as if to say "Look at how wonderfully involved I am".

And do not feel bad about leaving somewhere with a screaming kid. The people looking at you aren't judging you, at least I'm not. They're saying "Thank God its not just my kids!" My kids aren't autistic and I've left grocery carts full in the middle of the store with a kid under each arm kicking and screaming for something or another too many times to count.
Glad to hear its not just me having to do that!!!
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