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I put a thread on here last summer talking about my boyfriend's son being a lazy freeloader in my home. I saw a message today that my boyfriend got from his son. He asked if he can stay with us for a few weeks until he get his own apartment. He and his girlfriend broke up last week. He used to stay with us last summer. He treated my home like a nasty trash and let that same girl he broke up with stay at my home without paying rent. I told both of them to get out of my house. I don't think it is a good idea for him to move back in. I have a week vacation off from my job next week and going to Florida. I don't feel comfortable to let him stay in my home while I am in Florida enjoying my vacation. He have a job making $12 dollars an hour as a manager and can get his own apartment.
I don't know if you're venting or asking a question. If you're asking a question, you already know the answer.
Give the guy a good, strong " NO" and mean it and stick to it. There is no reason for him to move in with you. Once in, it may take forever to get him out. Be strong.
This is part of the baggage of dating someone with a child, even an adult child. Children get second chances, and third, and fourth and so on. That is hard wired into parents. If your boyfriend isn't empathetic to his own son, even after a bad experience he isn't a good parent and likely not good romantic partner material in the long run.
Now you said "treated MY house", does your bf live with you or is it a home you have together? Because if it is the former that may elicit a different response tha than the latter.
Either way the stronger bond is (or at least should be) between parent child than boyfriend/girlfriend. If you want to test that bond over a few weeks that is certainly your prerogative.
This is part of the baggage of dating someone with a child, even an adult child. Children get second chances, and third, and fourth and so on. That is hard wired into parents. If your boyfriend isn't empathetic to his own son, even after a bad experience he isn't a good parent and likely not good romantic partner material in the long run.
Now you said "treated MY house", does your bf live with you or is it a home you have together? Because if it is the former that may elicit a different response tha than the latter.
Either way the stronger bond is (or at least should be) between parent child than boyfriend/girlfriend. If you want to test that bond over a few weeks that is certainly your prerogative.
I remember your thread from last year about how disrespectful he was in every way, not just in trashing your house. Some of the things he did were really disgusting as I remember. I wouldn't doubt if his lifestyle had something to do with the breakup with his gf, but I know that's just speculation. You know this guy, so JUST SAY NO !!! He's old enough to solve his own problems.
I remember your thread from last year about how disrespectful he was in every way, not just in trashing your house. Some of the things he did were really disgusting as I remember. I wouldn't doubt if his lifestyle had something to do with the breakup with his gf, but I know that's just speculation. You know this guy, so JUST SAY NO !!! He's old enough to solve his own problems.
This is part of the baggage of dating someone with a child, even an adult child. Children get second chances, and third, and fourth and so on. That is hard wired into parents. If your boyfriend isn't empathetic to his own son, even after a bad experience he isn't a good parent and likely not good romantic partner material in the long run.
Um, no, it's NOT hard-wired into parents. Some parents actually believe that their adult kids should support themselves, not be freeloaders, etc., and they ACT on such beliefs (which I think is a GOOD thing).
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714
Either way the stronger bond is (or at least should be) between parent child than boyfriend/girlfriend. If you want to test that bond over a few weeks that is certainly your prerogative.
"Should be"? Seriously? Nope. If the kid is hard working and a decent human being, then yeah, OK. If not, then why on earth should parents continue to give him/her third and fourth and fifth chances etc.? I don't believe that shared DNA trumps anything -- to me, that is absolutely absurd (and I say this as someone who has MANY family members that she dearly loves -- but she loves them because they are good, decent people, NOT because they happen -- by accident of birth -- to be related to her).
It mystifies me how we -- as a society -- give so much lip service to "personal responsibility" -- except FOR SOME when it comes to people who HAPPEN to share DNA, who can be as nasty and mean and horrible as they want and we are still supposed to support them. Nope, not happening.
Um, no, it's NOT hard-wired into parents. Some parents actually believe that their adult kids should support themselves, not be freeloaders, etc., and they ACT on such beliefs (which I think is a GOOD thing).
"Should be"? Seriously? Nope. If the kid is hard working and a decent human being, then yeah, OK. If not, then why on earth should parents continue to give him/her third and fourth and fifth chances etc.? I don't believe that shared DNA trumps anything -- to me, that is absolutely absurd (and I say this as someone who has MANY family members that she dearly loves -- but she loves them because they are good, decent people, NOT because they happen -- by accident of birth -- to be related to her).
It mystifies me how we -- as a society -- give so much lip service to "personal responsibility" -- except FOR SOME when it comes to people who HAPPEN to share DNA, who can be as nasty and mean and horrible as they want and we are still supposed to support them. Nope, not happening.
You don't think parents should unconditionally love their children? Really?
You don't think parents should unconditionally love their children? Really?
What one hopes in life and what actually happens are two completely different things.
Some parents do not love their children, hence the reason there is child abuse, child neglect and child abandonment (which is very different than a child being put for adoption).
You don't think parents should unconditionally love their children? Really?
A parent can love their adult child and still not allow them to trash their home, mooch their food, and hole up in a bedroom with disgusting behavior. The OP addressed the thread to those who remember her previous thread, and those who haven't read it don't know what the issue is. It is NOT an issue of whether or not the father loves his son.
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