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Did she actually closed hand punch her in the face multiple times with the intent to cause harm? Or was it a pop across the face because she was talking back and being disrespectful?
If it was the first I'd definitely make her get some counseling or at least work it out as a family. What ever you do don't just sweep it under the rug. I don't think calling the police would benefit anyone, it would just make the situation worse.
If it was the second...meh...when I was that age if I talked back or disrespected I'd get popped good across the face. More kids need a good pop every now and then if you ask me. Up to you though. I'm 29 years old by the way so that wasn't that long ago either. I'm former law enforcement as well and usually these incidents usually end better if the family handles it together. If it happens multiple times however, then call the police.
I think people are taking this way to far. The girl was being a brat and the mom lashed out. It happened to me when I was a kid. Your daughter needs to learn to do chores, your wife is probably sick of your daughter not contributing and got angry. Yes she shouldn't have punched her, and I think she should get some counseling as well as your daughter, and figure out healthy ways to handle confrontation. But calling the cops will not help and will show your daughter she can also get away with bad behavior and disrespecting adults.
Wrong wrong wrong.
It is NEVER OK to punch your child. and using physical force against a child /teen is wrong on many levels. the only time it is ok to use physical or verbal force is when the child is in imminent danger (Pulling a child who is about to run out into the street etc).
If the child was being a brat, slapping and punching her will teach her that (a) it's ok to be angry and lose your temper, (b) it's ok for the elders/our bosses/our spouses to abuse us and (c) will teach her nothing about not being a brat. from what the op is describing, this is an ongoing situation (verbal abuse) that has just escalated.
Personally, if you can afford to go privately, i wouldn't go through social services. but i would contact a social worker ASAP and get advice. and the first thing is that your wife will not be allowed back in the home until she has gone to therapy. her behavior is unacceptable. if you are allowing her ot do this, you are part of the problem. someone in your home needs to be the grownup - that person should be you. protect your children.
You should consider scheduling an appointment for her with a mental health therapist. If she is getting violent and aggressive over not doing the chores, she may have mental health problems. My stepmother is the exact same way as you described in your original post
Where were you when all this started happening? What are the dynamics in your family? Are you the quiet Dad that doesn't want to get involved when teenage drama is going on? Are you and your wife on the same page with discipline and behavior that is acceptable?
Having teenagers is a tough gig. It is a team effort. If your wife feels like she does not get any backing or support from you--or she is always expected to be "the bad guy" that delivers the rules (hence enforcing chores) it can get exhausting and frustrating. Never an excuse to hit or punch. Are you often on the side of your teenagers or do you take a united front with your wife? If drama starts happening do you step in to help your wife or do you take the side of your teenagers or do you just hide out until it really escalates?
Yes it seems your wife needs help, but I think there is more going on. Family dynamics. Couples counseling.
I got my ass beat when i was a kid and i turned out just fine. I got a kid of my own now. He is 12 and I havent spanked him since he was ten. But I established boundaries and expectations early in his life. He is smart and good and I expect him to grow into a good man. My wife and i are a team and work together proactively and encourage him in school. Every family is different and discipline takes many forms. CPS isnt going to save his kids and its been my experience as a teacher that they wont do anything in this situation. But, if they do. Things will certainly get worse not better.
Sorry but if you're spanking your kid and suggesting that punching a kid is ok, then you didn't turn out just fine.
I did find out recently in some states it is legal for a parent to use a closed fist to punch a child over a certain age. I was...less then happy.
Also notable, in some areas, its up to the cop's discretion and he might find a parent shoving a child's head in a toilet of trying to strangle a kid with a wire fine parenting (personal experience, I wasnt the parent or the child, just a witness).
I can't stand this. I cannot stand that ANYONE out there thinks that punching a child...PUNCHING A CHILD, GDamnit! PUNCHING a CHILD is acceptable. WTH are you talking about? It is NOT acceptable to PUNCH a CHILD.
If you cannot control yourself that you are uncontrollable around a child, then you need to get some help...serious mental help. There is NEVER an excuse to PUNCH a CHILD. EVER.
Who gives a damn if she was "a brat", you're the adult, CONTROL YOURSELF. If you fly off the handle and start screaming, hitting, punching, YOU are the problem, NOT the child.
Not sure if this is more appropriate here or parenting but if not feel free to move it.
My wife and I have been married 17 years and have two teen daughters, 15 and 13. My wife has been known to have a temper and she will yell and even scream sometimes at our daughters for little things. I did convince her three years ago to take an anger management class and she did but didn't help much. For the longest time I have had to play referee between her and our daughters. But it all came to ahead yesterday. Our oldest was arguing over chores and as I went into the kitchen my wife slapped and punched her!
She started crying and ran to her room where I talked with my wife and told her that was completely unacceptable and she needs to try to find some help and even told her perhaps getting a room at a motel for the night would be good which she did.
I went and talked with our daughter (our youngest heard it and was with her in her room) and told them we are going to get mom help butiI don't think it reassured them much. The next day my wife came back and said she was sorry and she didn't mean it but doesn't want to go to the doctor or counseling. I have insisted on it but she refuses and both of our daughters are understandably terrified of her.
She isn't a SAHM she works in a law office so she is gone most of the day.
Where do you think I should take it from here?
Either get your children out of the house or your wife. Can you send your children to stay with grandparents or aunts/uncles? If not, tell your wife shes either out or you are calling the police.
I am not in favor of just calling the police because they will call CPS and your daughters will be likely removed from the home into foster care and who knows what kind of circumstances. Once you ring that bell you cant unring it and most of what they do will be counter productive to healing your family.
Once you separate your wife and kids, schedule an apt with a therapist who specializes in domestic violence as well as an attorney and go from there. Clearly your wife needs serious therapy and if she wont agree with that, then you cant allow her to live in the same home with you and your daughters.
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