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Old 03-02-2008, 11:50 AM
b75
 
950 posts, read 3,120,440 times
Reputation: 329

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Probably an obvious answer "no, " but just in case - do you have an family that could help you out financially? I know my parents would provide me with money no question about it in this situation so that I didn't have to work as a dancer.

On a separate note though have you looked into doing customer service for Jetblue? They let you do it from home & many mothers utilize this option. Go to their website and apply! I'm sure the money what be as good as dancing but perhaps if you can do that during the day, & either get some supplemental help from your parents OR have someone babysit your son on the weekends you can get some bartending or waitressing shifts (better then dancing). This way you have benefits & maybe can support yourself. Also go to legal aid & see what you can do about child support...it might not be much but every bit might help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KCat View Post
I am a 30 yr. old single mother of one beautiful 3 yr. old boy. I have recently split (4 months ago) from my ex boyfriend who I was a house wife (or should I say house-girlfriend since we never married) for, and a stay at home mom to my son.
I have my Bachelor's in Fine Arts Photography. However, since I graduated in 2001, I have almost all given up on a photography career since I was told that you really can't expect to be paid for your work until you have interned for many years for an experienced photographer. Also, the equipment and studio rentals were unquestionably expensive to lay out. Since then I have mostly worked as an exotic dancer on and off between unworthy jobs on the books that didn't pay enough for me to exist and pay my student loans. As a result, I have defaulted on my loan, ruining my credit.
I never really enjoyed working as a dancer (especially knowing that I am too well educated to be an exotic dancer) and I really don't want to go back to dancing now that I am a mother. However, I need to start working again doing something that will pay for my son and my living expenses (rent, car insurance, utilities, student loans, food, clothes, etc.) an yet allow me to take care of him during the day so I don't have to pay an extra expense for daycare. (I can probably find a friend to keep an eye on him while I am working as long as he is sleeping. Then I would pick him up after work.) Or else, I was thinking of finding a roommate to share a house for rent and trade nightly childcare (making sure he is safe in his bed while I work) for other duties ( ie.;I could do the cooking and housework during the day.) I feel that due to my circumstances I have little options. I want my son to live in a safe environment and be taken care of with the best possible life. I know that being a dancer isn't exactly the choice profession for a single mother, however, if I work on the books then I will risk loosing the Medicaid health care for both of us and my paycheck will be reduced automatically to pay off my student loans. I am temporarily staying with a friend who was nice enough to let my son and I sleep on their living room floor until I can find a place to live and save up enough money to afford it. I feel like I just may have to dance temporarily to come up with enough money for first months rent and security before we wear out our welcome.
Since my son's father has never really acknowledged his son or sought out visitation, he cannot be counted on to help with expenses and childcare. He sends child support rarely if at all and it is little help when it does post. On one hand, it is hard not having a father for my son to look up to right now, on the other hand I know that down the road not having an ex seeking out his son every other weekend will help me avoid a sticky situation when I begin to date seriously again. (If I ever have the time to date again...haha.)
My major hurdles are: knowing where I should direct my energy as far as a career path that will support my son and myself on Long Island without having to swallow my pride to dance, my damaged credit score, no family to rely on, no savings, lack of employment experience, the need for daycare for my son and finding affordable housing.
Though my circumstances are harsh I know that I have some positive attributes to rely on: I am a very hardworking, diligent, detail oriented person who would love a challenging career. I am still young enough to make a great life for my son and I, I have nothing holding me back from relocating if need be, I am very strong willed and determined to survive, I have an education with honors, my son is still young enough to start over with me elsewhere if need be, I have many great skills for employment (computer experience, account service experience, customer service, phones, filing, very detail oriented and multi task abilities, child care experience, great cook,great housekeeper, etc.) and I believe that where there is a will there is a way. I am just not sure what that way is right now.
If anyone can relate or offer advice I would greatly appreciate it. I have no mentor or family to turn to and could really use a wise point of view. Thank you for taking the time to listen to my lengthy post!
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Old 03-02-2008, 06:01 PM
 
119 posts, read 410,585 times
Reputation: 112
I would pay a photographer who has been a stay at home mother since getting her degree a lesser amount of money than some hot shot who was going to charge me an arm and a leg. Make a portfolio to show to perspective clients and get out there and find the work that's available! You can do this! Maybe your friend can help you guys out a little longer! In the mean time, work an hourly job to get you by! Good luck!
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Old 03-02-2008, 06:33 PM
 
1,067 posts, read 5,032,517 times
Reputation: 543
Things are tough, no doubt but I sense strength in your post and believe you can get out of the situation you are in without having to exotic dance.

The best thing you have said is that you have a degree. I have known business's to hire people who have a degree over a person who doesn't, not nesseciarly in the field the job is too.

You can look into your local school district and see if there is a need for teachers too, hey even scope out where there is a need for teachers. I can see you working with students, showing them how to do photographs.. This could prove fruitful.

I would also look into garnishing your ex's wages and if need be, look into getting some assisted housing for your son and yourself.. I know that sounds so hard to think of asking the goverment to aid you, but that could be a way to help you in this time of need. You need a help up.

If you have family nearby and they are trustworthy, they could help out too. Maybe even consider moving back, if you are far from them... I know if my daughter was in your situation, I would welcome her home. Please know you can make it... there is hope... having your degree too is what can help you get a great opportunity..

Hugs!
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Old 03-02-2008, 06:47 PM
 
Location: Wake Forest
934 posts, read 932,204 times
Reputation: 326
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexia319 View Post
This is truly sad, but your options are limited. If I were you, I would try to place the child with a relative or even in foster care, and go back to school for something that will support you both. This would probably put you out of his life for several years, but it would be worth it in the long run. Working at menial jobs that don't really support you is going to put you out of his life most of the time anyway, and it's a situation that won't improve. I know there are plenty of people who will tell you that you can do anything you set your mind to, and if it's your wish to listen to rah rah rah, you should do so. But the simple truth is that none of the possibilities open to you right now are really good ones, so you're going to have to choose the lesser of the evils. Sacrifice for the next five years or so is preferable to a lifetime of menial jobs and no security for either of you.
HOw on EARTH can you try and tell this woman to put her child in FOSTER CARE?

to OP- please don't listen to that kind of non sense! You have enough stress without worrying about people like that!

Go to social services- see what they can do to help. It probably won't be much- but they may have job training programs you can attend, low cost daycare information, food stamps, and rental assistance.

Once you know what services they offer and you qualify for, go from there. Perhaps a babysitting job during the day that will allow you to being your child? or working at a daycare center and receiving a discount or possibly free childcare?

Once you have a job, you can budget and figure out how much rent you can afford. Working in daycare, you would still be under the income brackets in most states to receive assistance from the state.

It will NOT be easy, but it CAN be done!!!!

If you need a shoulder to cry on, DM me, and I'll be here to listen.

Lots of hugs and prayers your way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-02-2008, 10:33 PM
 
Location: CA
2,464 posts, read 5,686,058 times
Reputation: 2587
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexia319 View Post
This is truly sad, but your options are limited. If I were you, I would try to place the child with a relative or even in foster care, and go back to school for something that will support you both. This would probably put you out of his life for several years, but it would be worth it in the long run. Working at menial jobs that don't really support you is going to put you out of his life most of the time anyway, and it's a situation that won't improve. I know there are plenty of people who will tell you that you can do anything you set your mind to, and if it's your wish to listen to rah rah rah, you should do so. But the simple truth is that none of the possibilities open to you right now are really good ones, so you're going to have to choose the lesser of the evils. Sacrifice for the next five years or so is preferable to a lifetime of menial jobs and no security for either of you.
Worst. Advice. Ever.
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Old 03-02-2008, 11:38 PM
b75
 
950 posts, read 3,120,440 times
Reputation: 329
I agree! I was shocked when I read that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommabear2 View Post
Worst. Advice. Ever.
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Old 03-03-2008, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Burlington County NJ
1,969 posts, read 5,286,927 times
Reputation: 2657
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommiewrites View Post
HOw on EARTH can you try and tell this woman to put her child in FOSTER CARE?

to OP- please don't listen to that kind of non sense! You have enough stress without worrying about people like that!

Go to social services- see what they can do to help. It probably won't be much- but they may have job training programs you can attend, low cost daycare information, food stamps, and rental assistance.

Once you know what services they offer and you qualify for, go from there. Perhaps a babysitting job during the day that will allow you to being your child? or working at a daycare center and receiving a discount or possibly free childcare?

Once you have a job, you can budget and figure out how much rent you can afford. Working in daycare, you would still be under the income brackets in most states to receive assistance from the state.

It will NOT be easy, but it CAN be done!!!!

If you need a shoulder to cry on, DM me, and I'll be here to listen.

Lots of hugs and prayers your way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Absolutely - don't even give the "place him somewhere else" thing a thought.

I have been where you are....I have gone through what your going through. It could always be worse - and it WILL get better are the 2 things I always said to myself. My ex left when my daughter was 7 mos old and she was sick...I was on welfare for about 6 months to help get me into an apartment and find a job etc. I did it. It wasn't easy. There were times I was scared to death they were going to shut the electric off.....or when we ate Ramen noodles for a week straight....but don't worry - it gets better...you'll find your groove...you'll get what you need to get done. You will be ok. Believe that.
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Old 03-04-2008, 09:33 AM
 
1,623 posts, read 5,754,019 times
Reputation: 438
You need to go on welfare and whatever public assistance you can qualify for...housing, WIC, etc. Consider moving somewhere cheaper if there are no ties on LI...if there are ties, use that network to help you move etc...then see if you can get a job or training program...I don't see how someone so educated got into such a situation but its your bed you have to lie in it...

So:
1. Public Assistance
2. Emotional/moral support
3. File for child support, you are entitled to it and need it
4. Job training
5. Counseling

Good luck and God bless!
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Old 03-04-2008, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Dunwoody,GA
1,861 posts, read 4,554,426 times
Reputation: 1932
I don't know which state you are in, but some states participate in the SCHIP program. Here in Georgia, it's known as "PeachCare." It's designed for people who make too much money to qualify for Medicaid, but do not make enough to afford private insurance. Again, in Georgia, a family of 4 people can bring in up to (approximately) $40,000 and still qualify. This program helps those in your situation-not wanting to get a job that pays so much that they no longer qualify for healthcare. I can't speak about other states, but PeachCare actually pays for some adults as well as children. You'd have to check for specifics regarding enrollment requirements.

You may want to look into this. If your state does not sponsor such a program, look around to see if any surrounding states do. It might be worth considering a move until you can get your career goals sorted out.
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