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Old 05-21-2009, 01:19 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
1,654 posts, read 6,603,294 times
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Well, I'm probably the only one, but 18 is too young to just cut off your kid.

I'm 24 and in my case, I had to tell my father to stop trying to give me money. He was very generous when I graduated college and moved from the New Orleans to Philadelphia. I graduated college at 21 and I went right from having my way paid to paying a mortgage and all of that. I adapted very well, but I knot that a lot of people probably couldn't have.

 
Old 05-21-2009, 01:35 AM
 
2,385 posts, read 3,704,013 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by John1960 View Post
Question: My husband and I have been planning to retire early. The thing is, our 28-year-old daughter, who is something of a late bloomer, still relies on us financially. Once we retire, we won’t be able to help Nora nearly as much. I think we should continue working until she’s self-supporting, but my husband says no way - we’ve already done enough. Please tell him there’s no time limit on being a good parent!

Our answer: While it’s true that there’s no time limit on being a good parent, the clock is running out on Nora’s being a child. Your obligation was to feed her, shelter her, educate her and teach her right from wrong while she was a minor. Now it’s her obligation to support herself and not stand in the way of her parents’ retirement - and happiness.

Do the Right Thing When is it okay to cut off adult kids? « (http://moneyethics.blogs.money.cnn.com/2007/09/24/when-is-it-right-to-cut-off-your-kids/ - broken link)
I read a quote somewhere that says people only mature when they have no other choice. A lot of people would mooch off of someone if they could get away with it. If you're given everything you want, what's the incentive to leave?
 
Old 05-21-2009, 03:16 AM
 
176 posts, read 568,502 times
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I can't help but think this is a very cultural thing.

I went to Professional School at the age of 24, and the average age of entry into said Professional school is stated to be 24-26.

I can't help but think of the millions of Peers who would not be able to afford said School and expenses, if their Parents had not supported them during these years.

Last edited by Lionsdale; 05-21-2009 at 03:16 AM.. Reason: typo
 
Old 05-21-2009, 05:08 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,266,067 times
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I wanted to cut off our mooch at 18, but my spouse made me compromise to 21 (with the idea of college being their reasoning, even tho I know that wasn't it completely). It was my stepkid, so I wasn't as tied emotionally and could see how he was from a non-emotional point of view. Which is: he was a disrespectful, ungrateful, lazy bum with no ambition.

My spouse however would have been perfectly willing to feed and clothe this kid till was 40, I'm sure.

Personally, I think after 21 (when they are completely legal adults) that the parental help should be minimal, only during dire emergencies and should be more emotional and in an advisory place, than financial. College tuition is an exception to that rule, but nothing else. At the very least once they are out of college it should stop. Assuming they even go to college.

At 28, she's spoiled, or gotten used to and even reliant on your money now. Probably makes plans around it. Its gonna be hard for her to get cut-off at this point. What is she gonna do when her parents aren't around anymore? Live in a trailer park? Become a golddigger? She needs to grow up now.
 
Old 05-21-2009, 05:13 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,266,067 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pennquaker09 View Post
Well, I'm probably the only one, but 18 is too young to just cut off your kid.

I'm 24 and in my case, I had to tell my father to stop trying to give me money. He was very generous when I graduated college and moved from the New Orleans to Philadelphia. I graduated college at 21 and I went right from having my way paid to paying a mortgage and all of that. I adapted very well, but I knot that a lot of people probably couldn't have.
lol ya I probably would have accepted his money (assuming he could afford it) and still made my own way. My dad doesn't have a family to raise anymore, and I do, so in a sense I have greater need of it. Granted my dad isn't in his retirement years yet, either.
 
Old 05-21-2009, 05:51 AM
 
758 posts, read 1,594,840 times
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As long as someone is getting something for nothing there is no incentive to better themselves. It's really kind of sad that someone would do that to their kids, crippling them and not making them strive to reach higher goals.
 
Old 05-21-2009, 05:55 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,266,067 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skahar View Post
As long as someone is getting something for nothing there is no incentive to better themselves. It's really kind of sad that someone would do that to their kids, crippling them and not making them strive to reach higher goals.
I so agree. Its even harder from a stepparent role. When the bio-parent is that spoiling, coddling type and you as the evil step-parent want them to get out there and better themselves, but your seen as a jerk and just wanting to "get rid of them". Thats kinda true, but because I don't want them to be living in my basement at 40 yrs old with no job because mommy keeps catering to them.
 
Old 05-21-2009, 06:53 AM
 
5,748 posts, read 10,502,858 times
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Time to let her stand on her own two feet. In a few years, she'll thank you for it.
 
Old 05-21-2009, 07:52 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,134 posts, read 22,107,592 times
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Quote:
there’s no time limit on being a good parent
My first thought when I read this was that being a good parent doesn't equate to financial support. In fact, being a good parent at this point, would mean letting her fail/succeed on her own. So while there is no time limit on being a good parent, what constitutes good parenting does evolve over time.
 
Old 05-21-2009, 09:41 AM
 
536 posts, read 1,645,106 times
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We haven't cut off our oldest completely. But it's getting close. He is only 19 but hasn't made an effort at trying to get into college or finding a better job. I had a little bit of an issue with him leaching off of us. I could see him still living with us at 40.

But my spouse didn't have too much of an issue with him living at home rent free until earlier this year. In his defense he does pay for his phone and car, but we still feed him and allowed him to live rent free and rack up our utilities bill.

We want him to strive for more out of life but it is hard. Without some kind of incentive kids really have no reason to move out and get on with their life.

We are going to start charging him rent in a couple of months. Not a lot but enough to let him know he is not living in a rent free hotel.

If he ever goes to college I would have no problem not only helping to pay for some of it but paying for his car and phone and other expenses.

To the op...28??!! crazy!! I moved out as soon as I could (me and my siblings were all gone by 21 and living in other states). My spouse moved out at 17.
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