U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 05-26-2009, 10:54 PM
 
Location: All around the world.....
2,886 posts, read 7,362,814 times
Reputation: 1044

Advertisements

This is your daughter that you brought into the world, no one can tell you what is in your
heart; it's tough out there..
Btw did you ask her why she chose to stay at home this late in the game?
I mean, is she working on a goal? like a future/potential SO?
Is she sickly?
Is she timid?
Is she out of college?
Is she out of work?
Did you both spoil her?
Did she have any type of accidents/disabilities that may cause her to hesitate on getting out there on her own?
Often times there is a valid reason that she really does not want to leave.
I'd talk to her again to cover all bases and then if it don't pan out, i would assist her in finding
her way out in the real world..Geesh what do you think she's waiting for?
It's time for you two to have a second honeymoon, retirement coming up
My daughter was kind of timid and clingy after college, but that lasted for about 6 months and she was glad to get out on her own without being shoved"

 
Old 01-09-2010, 12:15 PM
 
5 posts, read 6,884 times
Reputation: 10
Default Lazy sibling!

I know this is late on replying to this post, but I just found this site.
My sister is 40 years old and has been living with my parents for about a year now. She got divorced 2 years ago and lived by herself with her two children until she lost her job and apartment. In the meantime she met someone on the internet and moved 300 miles away to live with this person! She was taken to court for the custody of the two children by her ex and their dad, which my sister lost. She now has to pay child support, which she was getting before she moved off to live with another man, she left the children with their dad, She is not looking for a job at all. My mother gives her money for gas, cigerettes,etc behind my father's back. This makes me so furious that she does this! I have tried to 'talk' to my sister that she shouldn't do that to them, she thinks everyone should help her out, I refuse too. Both of my parents do not work, they both draw a SS check and thats all they have to live on. I wish I could get 'through' to my mother that she stop this.
 
Old 03-19-2011, 08:34 PM
 
2 posts, read 7,071 times
Reputation: 12
Parents are the problem when this sort of unhealthy co-dependence and enabling of adult children takes place. Parents could also be part of the solution, in getting their adult child back on track and making his own decisions (and suffering the consequences or reaping the benefits).

In my case I married in to a family where my Inlaws coddled my 28 yo brother-in-law. His parents buy him property, his parents pay his bills (sent straight to their house!), he used to be living with them stints all the time, his parents paid for his THREE degrees, his flights, his vacations, even the presents he gives to us (the wedding gift and xmas gifts are always from the THREE of them).

What's really bad is the manipulative pressure on my husband, he is being guilted into also "taking care" of his adult brother. He is normal and is made to feel/act guilty! Worse yet, my in-laws are depleting their retirement savings "taking care" of their 28 yo adult son. Now I am stressed out that we are going to backstop his parents, meaning they run out of money then we somehow financially or physically support them.
I have put my foot down. If my husband cannot get it through his skull that he needs to put his wife and children first and not shovel money at his enabling parents and leeching adult brother, this marriage is over. We do not share a very important value. And I did not work so hard my entire life to financially subsidize bad parenting and immature adults.
 
Old 03-20-2011, 12:31 PM
 
Location: NC
1,696 posts, read 3,848,588 times
Reputation: 1852
at 28, i had owned 2 homes, had 2 kids and owned my own business.

tell your no good for nothing mooching off mommy and daddy daughter to GROW THE F UP AND GET A LIFE
 
Old 03-20-2011, 05:57 PM
 
Location: middle of everywhere
1,831 posts, read 3,664,942 times
Reputation: 1826
Quote:
Originally Posted by Violett View Post
I read a quote somewhere that says people only mature when they have no other choice. A lot of people would mooch off of someone if they could get away with it. If you're given everything you want, what's the incentive to leave?
Good point. Some parents don't want the children to leave, and while they complain deep down they enjoy the company. They probably panicked in high school, seeing the child as an adult who wouldn't need them anymore. Then when they get a chance to prolong childhood even after adulthood, they jump at it.
 
Old 03-20-2011, 06:20 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
85,013 posts, read 98,876,691 times
Reputation: 31456
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glitterific View Post
Good point. Some parents don't want the children to leave, and while they complain deep down they enjoy the company. They probably panicked in high school, seeing the child as an adult who wouldn't need them anymore. Then when they get a chance to prolong childhood even after adulthood, they jump at it.
Really, I don't think we should be psychoanalyzing people like that.
 
Old 03-20-2011, 09:04 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
1,164 posts, read 1,687,653 times
Reputation: 1001
Quote:
Originally Posted by John1960 View Post
Question: My husband and I have been planning to retire early. The thing is, our 28-year-old daughter, who is something of a late bloomer, still relies on us financially. Once we retire, we won’t be able to help Nora nearly as much. I think we should continue working until she’s self-supporting, but my husband says no way - we’ve already done enough. Please tell him there’s no time limit on being a good parent!

Our answer: While it’s true that there’s no time limit on being a good parent, the clock is running out on Nora’s being a child. Your obligation was to feed her, shelter her, educate her and teach her right from wrong while she was a minor. Now it’s her obligation to support herself and not stand in the way of her parents’ retirement - and happiness.

Do the Right Thing When is it okay to cut off adult kids? « (http://moneyethics.blogs.money.cnn.com/2007/09/24/when-is-it-right-to-cut-off-your-kids/ - broken link)
I'm not sure what you meant by late bloomer, but your daughter is 28 and is no longer a child and hasn't been since she was 17. It's time to cut the cord. She definitely needs to learn how to make it on her own. What would she do if you and your husband left this earth (heaven forbid!)? How would she survive if she's used to mom and dad always being there for her? There will be a time where this will happen. The sooner she makes it on her own the better.
 
Old 03-20-2011, 09:36 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,044,931 times
Reputation: 30256
I only read the first two pages of this thread.

Funny! I laughed at how many people responded to the thread like it was a real posting posing a question.

This ia "John The CD News Guy posting an article" thread! He posts newspaper articles!

It's funny people are responding in this thread like it's the OP problem. LOL


Edit to add: THE THREAD IS FROM 2008!


 
Old 03-21-2011, 07:59 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,235 posts, read 23,780,887 times
Reputation: 19877
Once I started my first full time job 100 years ago, my moothere siad I had to buy everything myself. I also gave her board money.

OK, now 100 years later, I own my own co-op, all paidn off, also have a truck all paid off, money in the bank, and never had to rely on anyone to help me financially. i can do it myself.

parents that kee giving and giving never teach their children responsinility.

I did the same with my sans as well.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top