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Question: My husband and I have been planning to retire early. The thing is, our 28-year-old daughter, who is something of a late bloomer, still relies on us financially. Once we retire, we won’t be able to help Nora nearly as much. I think we should continue working until she’s self-supporting, but my husband says no way - we’ve already done enough. Please tell him there’s no time limit on being a good parent!
Our answer: While it’s true that there’s no time limit on being a good parent, the clock is running out on Nora’s being a child. Your obligation was to feed her, shelter her, educate her and teach her right from wrong while she was a minor. Now it’s her obligation to support herself and not stand in the way of her parents’ retirement - and happiness.
Do the Right Thing When is it okay to cut off adult kids? « (http://moneyethics.blogs.money.cnn.com/2007/09/24/when-is-it-right-to-cut-off-your-kids/ - broken link)
28?!?!?!! I was going to barge in here and give the lecture of "One should never give up on one's kids because family is always family blah blah blah" but a 28 year old lazy bum leeching off of nearly retiring parents is pathetic. Sorry but *NO*. Once you are out of college and have enough tools to live on your own, you go out there and support yourself. Leeching off your parents is most despicable.
Wow. I'll be 28 in 3 months, I haven't lived at home in almost 10 years, been married for 8 years, and have 3 children! Its time to cut the apron strings. I can't imagine how hard it is to let your kids go once they become adults, but I've seen the consequences of coddling adult children. Once that kids hits 18, I'm going to have a hard time completely supporting them. Yes, they can live at home if they're attending college. But 28?? Its time to go!
I think at 28, a person should be self sufficient. However, if they have a good set up where mom and dad still support them, there is no motivation to stand on their own two feet.
omg- at 28 i was married, owned a house and had 2 kids!
Cut the apron strings! Its different of course if she has some sort of disability, or health issue preventing her from being a productive member of society, but I don't get the feeling that this is NOT the case.
It's time for her to grow up, and as long as you keep enabling her, its never going to happen.
Being a good parent does not mean you financially support them for their entire lives.
I've been on my own since I graduated college at 21! My dad told me in March before I graduated I needed to get a job with health benefits b/c as of June 16, I was off his insurance. I packed up and moved to a town 3 hours away for my job. I had never traveled anywhere or been away from home too long. I learned to pay rent and all the bills. Was it hard? Absolutely but now I have a strong work ethic and know how to take care of myself. I love my husband but I survived before him and I could survive after him if I need to.
At 28, I was married, had bought a house, and was pregnant with my son. As mommywrites said, the only way it is ok that she is still at home is if there is some kind of health issue or disablity at play. It just sounds like mom doesn't want to cut the apron strings.
Quote:
While it’s true that there’s no time limit on being a good parent, the clock is running out on Nora’s being a child.
Time ran out a long time ago. It's situations like this that terrify me about the future. We no longer raise our children to be responsible adults. We coddle and protect them to the point they can't survive without guidance. That does not bode well for the future of this country at all! Your husband is right on this one. It's time to kick her out of the comfy nest and let her learn to fly!
Question: My husband and I have been planning to retire early. The thing is, our 28-year-old daughter, who is something of a late bloomer, still relies on us financially. Once we retire, we won’t be able to help Nora nearly as much. I think we should continue working until she’s self-supporting, but my husband says no way - we’ve already done enough. Please tell him there’s no time limit on being a good parent!
Our answer: While it’s true that there’s no time limit on being a good parent, the clock is running out on Nora’s being a child. Your obligation was to feed her, shelter her, educate her and teach her right from wrong while she was a minor. Now it’s her obligation to support herself and not stand in the way of her parents’ retirement - and happiness.
Do the Right Thing When is it okay to cut off adult kids? « (http://moneyethics.blogs.money.cnn.com/2007/09/24/when-is-it-right-to-cut-off-your-kids/ - broken link)
You cripple your children when you make their lives easy. It's that simple. The parents in this thread are doing a grave disservice to their daughters and themselves.
I had to read this thread again just to make sure I understood correctly. 28? Still a child? Are you kidding me? By the time my mother was 28, she had 3 children and one on the way.
Nora sounds like she needs a dose of tough love and she needs it immediately. Parents are not an ATM for her personal use. And if she's still sucking money out of their retirement fund at the age of 28, she obviously was raised to be selfish. Shame on her.
I'm not trying to be a working class hero or anything, but my parents taught me early on that I had an obligation to the family to help pay my way. I worked my way through college, sometimes working full-time. Yeah, it was exhausting. But I never dreamed of just partying through school and expecting my parents to foot the bill.
And, when I graduated, I moved home for one month. That's how long my parents gave me to find a job. After that, I would be chipping in for room and board. Guess what? I found a job, found a cheap apartment, and moved out. There were some times when it was really tough (like the time I realized I had only $5 in my checking account and a week to go before payday--Ate a lot of Ramen noodles that week), but I only borrowed money from my parents once. That was when I needed $225 to fix my car. I paid them back a little at a time over the next four months.
So Nora needs to get a clue, as well as a healthy dose of character.
If they're there just mooching, then it's time to get out. My friend lived at home until he bought a house at age 30. His mom liked having him there I think, but he had his career, paid all his own bills, contributed to the house expenses-basically didn't leach off his mother. If that's the case, and everybody in the house is fine with it, I think it might be ok. On the flipside, my in-laws are still bailing my BIL out (figuratively and literally at times) and he is 36 years old with a daughter. They make excuses for him for everything, take care of his daughter for him, and he EXPECTS them to do nothing less and always more. It's disgusting. Those strings should have been cut a LONG time ago.
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I was going to barge in here and give the lecture of "One should never give up on one's kids because family is always family blah blah blah" but a 28 year old lazy bum leeching off of nearly retiring parents is pathetic. Sorry but *NO*. Once you are out of college and have enough tools to live on your own, you go out there and support yourself. Leeching off your parents is most despicable.
Its different of course if she has some sort of disability, or health issue preventing her from being a productive member of society, but I don't get the feeling that this is NOT the case. 
