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Old 02-21-2008, 02:10 PM
 
Location: South Bay Native
13,050 posts, read 21,163,651 times
Reputation: 22525

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Haaziq View Post
The ignorance in this thread is ridiculous. It is a natural thing. Go ahead and block it and he will just find a friend who has access to it. It solves nothing. It's not a bad thing. It's a teenage hormone thing. Computers aren't expensive these days if you're not going for the "secret agent's best friend". Buy him his own computer and let that be his computer to use for entertainment purposes. I don't understand why parents think they're acting in their children's best interest by trying to censor what they see, watch on tv, or listen to. It's stupid and it doesn't accomplish anything. Parents should be focusing on more important things, like making sure their children will do good in life. Whether they watch explicit things or not has nothing to do with that. Be a parent. Not an authoritarian.
Signed,
A younger generation American, who understands minors more than most.
And how many children are you raising yourself, pray tell?

The irony of your first sentence is the cherry on the cake of your post. Bravo!

 
Old 02-21-2008, 02:34 PM
 
Location: An absurd world.
5,165 posts, read 8,080,306 times
Reputation: 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
And how many children are you raising yourself, pray tell?

The irony of your first sentence is the cherry on the cake of your post. Bravo!
Was that supposed to be sarcasm? I am a male and I went through the teenage hormone stages. Blocking sites does nothing. Almost everybody owns a computer these days. Almost everybody has neighbors if they don't live in a rural area.
 
Old 02-21-2008, 02:38 PM
 
Location: South Bay Native
13,050 posts, read 21,163,651 times
Reputation: 22525
Quote:
Originally Posted by Haaziq View Post
Was that supposed to be sarcasm? I am a male and I went through the teenage hormone stages. Blocking sites does nothing. Almost everybody owns a computer these days. Almost everybody has neighbors if they don't live in a rural area.
Was that an attempt to answer the question posed to you? I am going to go out on a limb and assume you don't have any of your own children. Apparently your own parents have done a knock-down job of raising you. My hat is off.

If you have nothing useful to contribute to this thread I would appreciate it if you packed up and found another to lurk in. With all due respect.
 
Old 02-21-2008, 02:46 PM
 
Location: An absurd world.
5,165 posts, read 8,080,306 times
Reputation: 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
Was that an attempt to answer the question posed to you? I am going to go out on a limb and assume you don't have any of your own children. Apparently your own parents have done a knock-down job of raising you. My hat is off.

If you have nothing useful to contribute to this thread I would appreciate it if you packed up and found another to lurk in. With all due respect.
That right there proves that you totally ignored all the points I made. You're making assumptions that I had bad parents just because I don't agree with your desire to censor what your son views. I'm actually nicer than most. My brother and I were always considered the most polite in the neighborhood growing up. I pointed out the reason censoring does nothing. You resorting to attributing my view to bad parenting, which is ridiculous. Censoring doesn't work. Point blank. And it's a normal thing. I don't say that because of bad parenting. I say that because it's the truth. It's better to get a firsthand response (a male who has gone through those years) than a secondhand (parents who just have sons that do it). I'm very straight to the point. Since you're resorting to making assumptions about my parents and next it'll probably be about my own morality, I will just leave this thread alone.
 
Old 02-21-2008, 03:05 PM
 
Location: Camberville
11,396 posts, read 15,999,324 times
Reputation: 18040
Well.. as someone who was raised by excellent parents who turned a semi-blind eye for porn and turned into a stellar individual if I don't say so myself, I also don't really see what's the problem. My parents basically sat me (female) and my brother down separately and said that if we wanted to look at porn, that's our own prerogative but if we destroyed the computer- that was on us. They also made sure to drive home the fact that porn =|= real life.

8 years later, my brother and I are both able to hold down strong relationships, my brother is waiting til after college to have sex, and I'm comfortable with myself. In fact, when I read that your son felt "humiliated", the first thing I though it how undatable he will be in the future- men who were made to feel embarrassed about their sexuality as a child end up either perverts or stunted. I get "a-hah" moments when people I'm dating tell me their mom yelled at them for looking at porn or their dad spanked them with a rolled up Playboy magazine. That type of stuff really can screw up a kid.

Have you had the talk with him? Have you let him know explicitly that masturbation is OK? These are things you NEED to talk to him about.
 
Old 02-21-2008, 03:14 PM
 
Location: An absurd world.
5,165 posts, read 8,080,306 times
Reputation: 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00 View Post
Well.. as someone who was raised by excellent parents who turned a semi-blind eye for porn and turned into a stellar individual if I don't say so myself, I also don't really see what's the problem. My parents basically sat me (female) and my brother down separately and said that if we wanted to look at porn, that's our own prerogative but if we destroyed the computer- that was on us. They also made sure to drive home the fact that porn =|= real life.

8 years later, my brother and I are both able to hold down strong relationships, my brother is waiting til after college to have sex, and I'm comfortable with myself. In fact, when I read that your son felt "humiliated", the first thing I though it how undatable he will be in the future- men who were made to feel embarrassed about their sexuality as a child end up either perverts or stunted. I get "a-hah" moments when people I'm dating tell me their mom yelled at them for looking at porn or their dad spanked them with a rolled up Playboy magazine. That type of stuff really can screw up a kid.

Have you had the talk with him? Have you let him know explicitly that masturbation is OK? These are things you NEED to talk to him about.
Thank you. My parents were the same way. Works better than punishment and making them feel guilty. And it won't turn them away from you. Rep points.
 
Old 02-21-2008, 03:38 PM
 
Location: South Bay Native
13,050 posts, read 21,163,651 times
Reputation: 22525
Quote:
Originally Posted by Haaziq View Post
That right there proves that you totally ignored all the points I made. You're making assumptions that I had bad parents just because I don't agree with your desire to censor what your son views. I'm actually nicer than most. My brother and I were always considered the most polite in the neighborhood growing up. I pointed out the reason censoring does nothing. You resorting to attributing my view to bad parenting, which is ridiculous. Censoring doesn't work. Point blank. And it's a normal thing. I don't say that because of bad parenting. I say that because it's the truth. It's better to get a firsthand response (a male who has gone through those years) than a secondhand (parents who just have sons that do it). I'm very straight to the point. Since you're resorting to making assumptions about my parents and next it'll probably be about my own morality, I will just leave this thread alone.
"That right there" proves that you have no clue what you are talking about, and are operating on a set of assumptions yourself. You don't have any clue WHY I said your parents have done a knock-down job of raising you, but you just filled in the blanks in your own head. More power to you.
 
Old 02-21-2008, 03:46 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,000 posts, read 16,806,736 times
Reputation: 12316
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
OK, so I'm obviously not trolling - and also hoping I won't receive a bunch of nonsense for this thread. Last night I discovered that my son has yet again betrayed my trust by cruising for porn sites on my personal computer. I was so grossed out by the names of the websites alone that I couldn't even bring myself to click on the links.

The irony of this situation is that my son is so ashamed of this episode that he could barely focus on his homework project last night. He felt so bad about it he even suggested different (extremely harsh) forms of punishment that I could mete out against him.

The reason I am here and discussing this extremely personal (to me) info is because as stated earlier, this is not the first time this has happened. We had an incident a little over a year ago, and that actually fried up the whole operating system on the old PC and now I'm worried for my new laptop.

I would like to find out if anyone has experience with something like this, and what I/we can do to curtail this nasty habit of my son, going forward.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
Uh - it's my computer. Can't take it away from myself. If you mean to deny him access to the computer, then that isn't feasible either since he needs to do homework on it. Plus that doesn't exactly foster growth and maturity.

I'd love to hear from people who have some of their own experience or know someone who has gone through something similar and found a useful solution.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
Rance, I hope you don't take this the wrong way - I have been reading you for some time and I have great respect for you. But I have to admit, I feel a bit of relief that it isn't a "single mom w/son" phenomenon. I realize that boys at my son's age are going through the "hormones" phase, and I hope that he will eventually grow out of it (not the lust part, but the trashy website stuff).

Maybe I will manipulate access somehow - anyone know of the cheapest and easiest way to filter access to webpages?
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
I think you "get" me the best out of this thread so far; I don't want my son to think sex is dirty or something to be ashamed of. I want him to have a healthy perspective on this. My bigger concern is the betrayal of the trust to use the computer after I already discovered the previous incident, and potentially jeopardizing my computer and/or personal info.

It sounds like I will have to make some modifications to my computer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
I want to thank you all for giving me so much help with this - I truly appreciate each and every post and I am passing reps out to you all.

So boys will be boys, granted....I'll just have to establish some filters so he can't get into the trashy stuff. (Computer is in a central area and he has never taken it elsewhere.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
I definitely agree with this post - and no offense taken. I am of European descent and we as a family have a very healthy outlook on the human anatomy and sexuality. My son has stacks of Playboy mags (my own hand-me-downs, as I have been a subscriber for 15+ years) and has never been made to feel that sex or genitals are dirty or anything to be neurotic about.

I have nothing against those who are into watching porn/erotica (heck, I do it myself) but I don't think a 14 year old is ready to process some of the stuff that can be found online. Some of it is too disturbing even for adult viewing.
Just a few of her quotes from this thread.

Donth8me, it's obvious that some people are not reading all of your posts on here, they are reading the first one only and jumping on it

I hope the info I DM'd you proves useful.
 
Old 02-21-2008, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,596 posts, read 34,556,906 times
Reputation: 14657
A parent such as myself did not need to be paying for a computer that goes through a meltdown from porn and popups. If my kids wanted to get a job, buy a computer, pay for service...they could look at whatever they wanted. I wasn't spending my money so they could look at porn.
I never needed porn to learn about sex. It was much more fun learning with a warm body/live partner. Not some phoney ohh's and ahh's from low budget actors!
 
Old 02-21-2008, 03:55 PM
 
Location: South Bay Native
13,050 posts, read 21,163,651 times
Reputation: 22525
Quote:
Originally Posted by MonaLisaVito View Post
Just a few of her quotes from this thread.

Donth8me, it's obvious that some people are not reading all of your posts on here, they are reading the first one only and jumping on it

I hope the info I DM'd you proves useful.
Thanks for this - it's good to know some people still bother to read and understand. Your DM was great and I look forward to following up on what was said.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rance View Post
A parent such as myself did not need to be paying for a computer that goes through a meltdown from porn and popups. If my kids wanted to get a job, buy a computer, pay for service...they could look at whatever they wanted. I wasn't spending my money so they could look at porn.
I never needed porn to learn about sex. It was much more fun learning with a warm body/live partner. Not some phoney ohh's and ahh's from low budget actors!
I guess there IS something to be said for the reps/points system on CD - and it is no wonder that you both are multi-gold - if I could I'd double 'em for ya.
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