14 year old son busted (again) for using my computer to browse porn sites (single dad, husband)

[movingtohouston]

Don'thateme....It sounds like you have a good plan by blocking access and monitoring him while he is using the internet. We had this problem with my boys once. We blocked everything and also fixed it so they couldn't download anything either. We also had a huge talk about how yes it was natural to be curious but how what they were looking at was degrading to women and how would they feel if it was pictures of me up there or any other woman adult they knew. They hadn't really thought about that of course. To my knowledge we haven't had a problem since. (Although we do check internet history every day)

[SmerkyGrl]

Originally Posted by Haaziq

The ignorance in this thread is ridiculous. It is a natural thing. Go ahead and block it and he will just find a friend who has access to it. It solves nothing. It's not a bad thing. It's a teenage hormone thing. Computers aren't expensive these days if you're not going for the "secret agent's best friend". Buy him his own computer and let that be his computer to use for entertainment purposes. I don't understand why parents think they're acting in their children's best interest by trying to censor what they see, watch on tv, or listen to. It's stupid and it doesn't accomplish anything. Parents should be focusing on more important things, like making sure their children will do good in life. Whether they watch explicit things or not has nothing to do with that. Be a parent. Not an authoritarian.
Signed,
A younger generation American, who understands minors more than most.

The lack of reading comprehension in this thread is ridiculous. It is not about censoring porn altogether. It is about setting at least some boundaries so that there aren't things like beastiality or worse streaming on the home computer. Did you read any of the previous pages? no? I didn't think so.

You might want to go back and read about how she just wants to keep the fetish and hardcore stuff off the computer. Her house, her right. I bet you didn't even read the part about how her son has INHERITED HER OWN PLAYBOY MAGAZINES. The day my mother does something like that is when I know the world is going to end so she's gotta be a cool mom.

But alas, you were too busy trying to feel superior through criticism

[tkdmom]

Sorry dear, but it's not about being a cool mom, it's about being a parent. But you have to have kids to know that.

[Sampaguita]

Originally Posted by SmerkyGrl

The lack of reading comprehension in this thread is ridiculous. It is not about censoring porn altogether. It is about setting at least some boundaries so that there aren't things like beastiality or worse streaming on the home computer. Did you read any of the previous pages? no? I didn't think so.

You might want to go back and read about how she just wants to keep the fetish and hardcore stuff off the computer. Her house, her right. I bet you didn't even read the part about how her son has INHERITED HER OWN PLAYBOY MAGAZINES. The day my mother does something like that is when I know the world is going to end so she's gotta be a cool mom.

But alas, you were too busy trying to feel superior through criticism

I agree with you. But, I think some people don't believe in parents setting boundaries or censoring children's actions or what they're exposed to. There is a mis-guided belief by many that setting boundaries or creating an atmosphere of discipline is somehow undermining a young child's independence and rights as an individual.

Sounds to me like OP is a very fair-minded parent who is simply trying to come up with a way to curtail some of her son's activities that might be harmful. Suggesting that computers are cheap - get him his own - smacks of someone who clearly doesn't have children or financial responsibilites past oneself.

[Howest2008]

Originally Posted by DontH8Me

OK, so I'm obviously not trolling - and also hoping I won't receive a bunch of nonsense for this thread. Last night I discovered that my son has yet again betrayed my trust by cruising for porn sites on my personal computer. I was so grossed out by the names of the websites alone that I couldn't even bring myself to click on the links.

The irony of this situation is that my son is so ashamed of this episode that he could barely focus on his homework project last night. He felt so bad about it he even suggested different (extremely harsh) forms of punishment that I could mete out against him.

The reason I am here and discussing this extremely personal (to me) info is because as stated earlier, this is not the first time this has happened. We had an incident a little over a year ago, and that actually fried up the whole operating system on the old PC and now I'm worried for my new laptop.

I would like to find out if anyone has experience with something like this, and what I/we can do to curtail this nasty habit of my son, going forward.

Place porn site blockage program(s) on all of your computers , coach your son to join positive co-ed groups of boys and girls his own age , fill up all of his free time with good positive activities.Have positive adult role models give him the "birdies and bee'es talk"....and see if all of this makes a different.

[SteelCityRising]

DontH8Me, I wish you the best of luck during this difficult time in your family's life. Just be advised that this is all part of growing up. Before Generations X and Y had access to free pornography on the Internet, teen boys would pool their money together so one older-looking one could sneak into a store and buy a Playboy and bring it back to the others to share; at least the technological era has heralded a bit more sexual privacy. LOL!

I myself am a self-admitted pornography addict, yet I still consider myself to be intelligent and (somewhat) successful. Looking at this "smut" helps to hold me over until I can see my partner again, as we're in a long-distance relationship, and I don't wish to become unfaithful to him.

Your son will continue to look at porn. If he can't get it at your home, he'll go somewhere else to get his "fix." Never underestimate teenaged males and hormones; there's a reason why we're hearing lately about so many 30-something-year-old teachers being seduced by 16- and 17-year-old male students in our public high schools.

If nothing else, please KNOCK on your son's door before barging in, especially in the evenings. I myself had one or two...errrm..."embarrasing" moments due to clueless parents who couldn't respect privacy boundaries! LOL!

Best of luck!

[Sampaguita]

Sorry - OT - but I couldn't help but feel incredulous when I read this:

...here's a reason why we're hearing lately about so many 30-something-year-old teachers being seduced by 16- and 17-year-old male students in our public high schools.

The 30-something year old teachers BEING SEDUCED by teenagers? Who is supposed to be the adult here with responsibilities that DO NOT include becoming embroiled in sexual relationships with under-aged students?

[sbd78]

Originally Posted by Sampaguita

Sorry - OT - but I couldn't help but feel incredulous when I read this:



The 30-something year old teachers BEING SEDUCED by teenagers? Who is supposed to be the adult here with responsibilities that DO NOT include becoming embroiled in sexual relationships with under-aged students?

Uh yeah, I think its the teenage students being seduced by the 30-something teachers, not the other way around!

[Georgetown Texas - Edward]

It's amazing for me to hear that parenting doesn't involve censure of what our kids watch and hear. Yeah, maybe if your kid is an adult and out of the home, but our role as parents is to protect and teach and model what is right and good. Consider these facts:

Pornography appears to lead some men to experience conflict, suffering and
sexual dissatisfaction with their partner (7);
Violent depictions are highly likely to lead to calloused attitudes toward rape
and rape victims (8);
Convicted rapists are highly likely to have used porn to ramp themselves up
before attacking their victim (9);
77-100% of child molesters and pedophiles consume porn regularly (10);
Hypersexualized people have insatiable appetites for porn (11);
Rape rates are higher in the countries where porn is readily available (12);
Male consumers of porn tend to be more aggressive toward women (13); and
Exposure to porn appears to increase the use of sexual coercion (14) and
increases fantasies of rape (15); and massive exposure to porn encourages a
desire for increasingly deviant materials including sadomasochism, rape,
torture, and “snuff” films (videos where the woman is brutalized and then
murdered) (16).

Now tell me again, why we shouldn't protect ourselves and our families from this trash? Do you have evidence for the contrary? Is there a reason why violence against women is higher in countries where porn and other sexual immoral practices are legalized and publicized? Would you want your daughter or sister or mother looked at and lusted over and exploited like that? Well, that's what you're doing to somebody elses.

References below:

7 “The Documented Effects of Pornography,” The Forerunner (Vol. X, No. VI), September 1990.
8 Linz, D., Donnerstein, E. & Penrod, S. (1988). Effects of long-term exposure to violent and
sexually degrading depictions of women. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 55, 758-
768.
9 Ibid. Linz
10Charles Keating, Citizens for Decency through Law; Community Defense Counsel Protecting
Children & Their Neighborhoods, 2005
11Hypersexual Disorder & Preoccupation with Internet Pornography: American Journal of
Psychiatry 158:10, October 2001
12Larry Baron & Murray Strauss, Legitimate Violence & Rape: A Test of the Cultural Spillover
Theory, Social Problems 34 (December 1985).
13Edward Donnerstein, Pornography and Violence Against Women, Annals of the New
York Academy of Science, 347 (1980), 277-88.
14Edward Donnersmith, Pornography: It’s Effects on Violence Against Women, in Malamuth &
Donnersmith, eds. Pornography & Sexual
Aggression (New York: Academic Press, 1984).
15Neil Malamuth, Rape Fantasies as a Function of Repeated Exposure to Sexual Violence,
Archives of Sexual Behavior, 10 (1981): 33-47.
16Zillman, Bryant, Carveth, The Effect of Erotica Featuring Sadomasochism and Bestiality in
Motivated Inter-male Aggression, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 7 (1981): 153-59.
17Narconon Southern CA @ stopmethaddiction.com, 2005

[denverian]

Personally I don't think this is a huge deal, other than getting virus' on your computer. Boys will be boys and always seek out this sort of thing, no matter what you tell them. Of course back in my day scoring an old Playboy was very innocent compared to what you'll find online.

I don't have expectations that my boys will never see porn. I will use filters to try and block it on home computers, but I certainly wouldn't humilitate them or suggest it was something terrible to feel guilty for if I caught them surfing porn. This is my "male" point of view. I know most women feel very differently about porn.