Teenager lied - we cut vacation early and are out money! (teenagers, support)
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How does his parent feel about this? If you aren't supported, then getting the money back may be a losing battle. But in the future, he would get nothing.
He is not a kid, nor a "teenager." True, he's 19, but that's well beyond the age parents think of kids at teens. He is a grown man. Men and women his age are in jobs, in college, or perhaps walking a post in some God-forsaken place hoping a bad guy isn't around the corner in the dark. He has to grow up someday. Why not today?
EXACTLY! This kid has no concept of money or honesty. Kid gets a job and pays you back. If they have a car who is paying for it? The car is a great incentive to a 19 year old.
Funny you bring up the car. The reason I had the second job was for extra to pay for repairs on my car.
This guy is not married to the kid's parent. Why was this young man even on his family vacation?
The kid lied. He needs to know what the cost of his lie was. How is this step dad ever going to collect the money? The kid does not live with him and he is not married to the kid's mom. Good luck collecting. That lying, horny young man would not be visiting me anymore except on his own dime.
Does it really matter how this person is or is not related to the 19-year-old? The 19-year-old basically cheated him out of money. If a "friend" cons you into paying airfare for something important and you find out it was for a date, you have every right to expect repayment as well.
It's fraud (intentional perversion of truth in order to induce another to part with something of value) . Why should anyone have to consult someone's Mommy if they defrauded him?
Where is a 19 yo kid going to get the money to pay anybody back?
What does his parent say about it? The kid probably didn't want to be there in the first place. No more visiting the non custodial parent in the summer.
Let the kid know what you think and what his lie cost. Don't get conned again.
A job?
No one has custody of a 19 year old.
Quote:
Originally Posted by breeinmo.
If the OP is the stepdad, he could be one of those rare men who continue to be a parent even after the divorce.
I'd be Furious! His b-day and Christmas gifts, any other money you might give him would disappear until the money is paid back AND a huge fine. I'd also sit him down and explain money doesn't grow on trees and how you can no longer trust him. I'd tell him I'm ashamed of him and that I think its horrible I now have to double check with his mom to make sure he's telling me the truth in any future dealings.
I'd still be there for him in body & mind only, the bank is closed. This wasn't a accident or lapse in judgement, he conned you and is a big fat liar.
I understand that legally an 18 year old is considered an adult. But, they live somewhere. Somebody is providing insurance for driving and health insurance.
Most 19 year old people are good at many things. Making rational decisions at all times is not one of them. That part of the brain is still a work in progress until around 25.
The kid clearly did not want to be there. Why force him into a family vacation that is not his family?
His parent did not want to be with him enough to figure out how to get along with the other parent, hence the divorce.
All these adults divorcing, remarrying and expecting the kids to work it out are the problem, not the kids.
Most 19 year old people are good at many things. Making rational decisions at all times is not one of them. That part of the brain is still a work in progress until around 25.
s.
Poor impulse control? Sure. It's one reason I support teens not driving. Or using alcohol.
But this is premeditated and consistent persistent lying and manipulation. That's a character issue.
I do agree that all these divorces and remarriages really mess with kids. But if you want to be an adult, you have to own your own decisions and make them about today. Not yesterday.
I would get together with his parents and come up with an appropriate punishment. Get it all out in the open. Yes, he is old to be 'punished' but as long as he lives under a roof someone else is paying for he needs to live by the rules.
Probably, when I heard this unlikely 'story', my first action would have been to call his mom and discuss who was going to pay for this extravaganza. And the lie would have been uncovered right there. Seems to me this kid is taking advantage of your(parents) lack of communication. Verify everything from now on.
Poor impulse control? Sure. It's one reason I support teens not driving. Or using alcohol.
But this is premeditated and consistent persistent lying and manipulation. That's a character issue.
I do agree that all these divorces and remarriages really mess with kids. But if you want to be an adult, you have to own your own decisions and make them about today. Not yesterday.
I'll give you premeditated, but not persistent and consistent. If there is a character flaw, look at the parents. They raised him.
The op said she would never do such a thing to her family. Most of us wouldn't either. But, just because she married the parent, does not make her or hers that kid's family. Her spouse did not want to be that kid's family badly enough to stick around.
I know I cannot punish him per se as he is an adult.
Would anyone else here feel used/conned/swindled or would you just chaulk it up to teenage behavior?
My children would never had considered doing that in a million years. It is not typical teenage behavior.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
Of course we would feel used and conned. And ticked off. That is not normal teenage behavior, at least not in my book. By 19 I would expect a teen to have a well developed code of morality that doesn't include lying.
He should pay you back, and hear the message loud and clear that he broke your trust. It's up to him to make amends for both.
I agree.
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