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Old 08-22-2016, 04:28 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,204 posts, read 2,520,351 times
Reputation: 1551

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A little back ground:

My daughter has a boy best friend. They have been friends for 3 years and are now both 14 years old. My daughter is a really good student, doesn't do drugs and doesn't get into trouble except for the normal teenage back talk not doing chores on time, etc...

They and another friend hang out pretty much every weekend. They are good kids, never any issues with the three of them getting into trouble.

Her male friend hasn't been able to hang out hardly at all this Summer so today my daughter straight up asked him why? He said his Mom told him a while back she gets a "weird vibe" from my daughter. I have no idea why this is coming up now after 3 years of friendship. She is just beside herself now and doesn't know what to do and neither do I. I don't even know what weird vibe she could be getting? All of her other friends parents think she's great and have never had any problems.

I don't think she would be comfortable with me going and talking to her, teenage thing ya know, so I'm at a loss as how to help.

Has anyone else had this issue?
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Old 08-22-2016, 05:18 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,495 posts, read 26,758,890 times
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In other words, his mom is afraid that they're having sex or going to start having sex. She doesn't want to have to supervise every second of his interactions with her so she's just not letting your daughter come over anymore.

It might not be just your daughter, it might be any girl that her son wants to spend time with that gives her the "weird vibe." Some people don't believe a male and a female can be platonic friends.
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Old 08-22-2016, 05:55 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,204 posts, read 2,520,351 times
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That's what I was thinking, but to put it off on my daughter giving her a weird vibe was so wrong. Now my daughter is upset. I just don't understand why she couldn't have come to me and talked about it. They are never unsupervised while here, so if that was the issue she could have asked.
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Old 08-22-2016, 06:12 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
9,512 posts, read 6,035,942 times
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One of my 14 year old twins' best friend in middle school was a very "out" lesbian. After a year of friendship her mom decided that her daughter shouldn't hang out with my daughter anymore because she afraid they would "disrespect her house".

My daughter was devestated too but I told her I was not going to get involved even though I did think the other mom was over reacting.

Now, after this past year everything is ok & both girls have "moved on" but are still really good friends
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Old 08-22-2016, 06:43 PM
 
13,261 posts, read 8,358,031 times
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Sadly this touches home ... My sons relatives shunned him from a young age..
They projected some very harsh statements... Despite him being a shy and timid boy.
They used the term... Bad vibes ... It left its mark. Encourage your daughter to understand that another's negativity may be a reflection on them. She must be so sad to miss her friend. I had a genuine friendship with a boy in my neighborhood. He was like a bro ... So I get how friendships are for teens...
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Old 08-22-2016, 07:20 PM
 
Location: Richmond VA
6,871 posts, read 7,831,394 times
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Can you include the other family in some family activities? Have a cookout, Go bowling or something? That might help put them at ease if they see your family in a different light. Or you could just include the young man in some family activities? That way you could call and say Hey, we are going bowling tonight and need a 4th, can Joe join us? That way, they'd know you would be chaperoning, and it would be harder for them to say no to you. Or if they did say no to you, you could ask (politely).

Is it possible that Joe just threw his mother under the bus because he doesn't want to spend so much time with your daughter and doesn't know how to say it? maybe he's taking flak from friends for having a best girl friend, or maybe his feelings towards her have changed. Because boys will do that.
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Old 08-22-2016, 07:42 PM
 
10,196 posts, read 9,829,092 times
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There isn't much to be done but support your daughter. Most likely she is projecting her own "stuff" on your daughter and there was no vibe to be had. Im sorry she has to go through this. I did with a female friend (her mom thought I was a bad influence, boy did she have that backwards). It hurt but I survived.
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Old 08-22-2016, 08:51 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,204 posts, read 2,520,351 times
Reputation: 1551
Thank you all for your suggestions and support.

We have invited him to numerous family outings and the answer is always no from his Mom, so not sure what else we could do.

I think she is just uncomfortable with her son having a girl as a best friend and possibly thinking it would go beyond friends at some point.

I am going to try to leave it in my daughters hands to figure out, it's just so hard.
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Old 08-22-2016, 10:17 PM
 
Location: Eugene, Oregon
11,119 posts, read 5,542,494 times
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So-called "Platonic' relationships between opposite-sex people usually consist of one party wanting to get it on, while the other doesn't. Or maybe the other person does want it, but doesn't want to admit it. They usually lead to a dead-end. Often, such relationships are only fill-ins, until a sexual relationship with someone else can begin. There's a good chance that the boy in this discussion has some other girl in mind who will do his laundry for him and he wants to un-encumber himself from his non-sexual girlfriend. He's trying to shift the responsibility for ending it onto his mother. Humans are sexual beings. They all think about it constantly, even those who never get any (maybe especially those).
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Old 08-22-2016, 10:55 PM
 
358 posts, read 708,428 times
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1. If all it takes for him to pull away is some 'bad vibes' comment by mom, then he's not much of a friend or he's a puss, or both. I mean he's 14, not 8! Grow a pair.

2. They are already messing around....hence the 'bad vibes'.

3. Everything Steve McDonald said.
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