HELP..Angry 13 yr old girl (SAHM, teenagers, divorce, baby)

[soontob]

I am the mom of two beautiful girls. One however; is thirteen and has a fairly rough time at life. Background: I had her at age 20, she didn't come with a manual (imagine that?), and one thing after another...Biological dad splits, my 1st husband, (not dad), we get a divorce, she never hears from him again, we have moved a lot (within the city but different schools), I've had cancer, another baby, and one more horrid marriage and divorce. She is in 7th grade and chooses friends who always treat her poorly and talk about her behind her back. She tells me that she hates being home because "we will never have a relationship, so why even try?". I feel as if, not only am I losing her but I have lost complete control.
Can someone please give advice, critique, help?
Thanks,
Worried mom.

[*Danielle*]

That makes me sad to read...I hope you can figure something out to fix that situation...

The only thing that comes to mind is maybe some family counseling...

Many hugs....

[karen_s]

I'd definitely recommend family counseling. Many places will do it on a sliding scale money wise to help you afford it. There seem to be so many serious issues to sort through and a professional would really help in this case.

I wish you the very best. Being 13 is hard!

[soontob]

Originally Posted by *Danielle*

That makes me sad to read...I hope you can figure something out to fix that situation...

The only thing that comes to mind is maybe some family counseling...

Many hugs....

Danielle,
Thanks for the kind words. Honestly, I've tried some counseling, my 13 year old keeps her mouth shut. It's hard. But then again so is spending most nights lately in tears. One other thing that stops the counseling right now is I'm in between insurance companies at the moment, ie...no insurance.

I have to say Danielle, I was just reading another thread (the SAHM preschool issue) and your posts made me smile.
Thanks again

[calif]

It seems to me that she might be wanting a close relationship with you. Must have been hard with another baby and many men coming and going to focus on her. I'd put the men on the back burner and focus on her. Seems like you are on the right track!

That age is really hard! The hormones! ughhh But, she still needs you even if she pushes you away, just remember that.

[SmerkyGrl]

Sounds like she's miserable and wants attention from you. How much time are you spending with her anyway? Maybe have a mother/daughter weekend somewhere and start doing "mother/daughter activities" (baking, cooking, gardening, pillow fights, etc) things together.

[jessiegirl_98]

You can find a free clinic. What city are you in? There may be a waiting list, but community mental health centers often provide free (or really cheap) services. Also, if she has insurance, it can often goes under her. Family counseling is absolutley necessary and it may be awhile before she opens her mouth but she will eventually. Have you tried talking to her school about this? Maybe they can provide assistance.

[Sundance]

Give her all the attention she can stand and all the love she can stand. Make absolutely certain you explain to her, in word AND IN DEED, the importance of respecting herself and having boundaries.

[nic529]

Wow - 13 is a tough age. And having an angry child that still hasn't come up with some kind of instruction booklet is even harder! I feel for you - I really do. If this were my daughter, I would be trying to figure out more family things to do on a regular basis - ex. pick a show you all can watch together every night.......So that for an hour you all (you have to be careful not to alienate your other daughter now too) are in the same room and focusing on the same thing. Then maybe once a week have game night - In my house it would be a weekend night because of schedules. Do you all have dinner together? I find this to be a great tool. We all sit down at the table every night and talk about our days. It helps in getting information out of stubborn teenagers because "this is just what we do!" No excuses - can't say they have to be somewhere etc.... Subtle and small changes like this can help. Also, is there a teacher or guidance counselor at school that you know she really likes and likes her? Someone she may be willing to confide in? I normally wouldn't recommend going to the school - but in this situation - she obviously needs to talk to someone. And she doesn't want to talk to you - not yet anyway.

My mother didn't get married till I was 12. Until then it was just us. I never knew my biological father. I got mad, I went through all the normal teenage stuff (nothing real bad though - I never got into trouble for more then an attitude or not cleaning my room) - but my father (step father) was an alcoholic. He was mean.....never physically, but he was definately emotionally abusive. Anyhoo - my high school had a program for co - dependency. There weren't many of us. Maybe 10 or 12. We met once a week and talked and talked with each other. Everyone had different kinds of issues. And different levels of issues as well. But it really helped me to know that there were other kids with problems too. If the school doesnt have something like that - maybe a church? Teen group or something. IMHO it sounds like she needs to talk. Good luck to you. You'll make the right choice.

[RAZZEL]

From much experience, she might have some "attachment issues". Look on the net for Reactive Attention Disorder (RAD). See if some of the traits of this disorder can be seen in some of your daughters behaviors ect. There are certain ways you have to treat this.....
Since no insurance, do you qualify for ACCESS healthcare????

My heart goes out to you and hugs!!!!!