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You teach them that what anyone else is wearing in public has nothing to do with their personal behavior, sexual or otherwise.. It's actually pretty easy.
Sure, but with all respect, you were never a teenage boy. I hear this "people can wear what they want" argument all the time, and I understand it -- but I also get what this father is saying. Because he was a teenage boy once, and so was I. And boys are visually stimulated. So when a young boy's hormones are new and kicking in and and raging out of control, it can become really easy for visual stimuli to overload a kid's mind. It can overwhelm a young man. And I think it's all something that has to be dealt with very delicately. You don't want your boys objectifying girls, but at the same time, girls are often going to leave very little to the imagination, and access to nudity and porn is exceedingly easy these days. It can be really difficult for young men wrestling with their feelings.
The best you can really do is model appropriate behavior and teach respect. Just because other people lack modesty doesn't mean your boys have to, nor is others' lack of modesty an invitation or an excuse for poor behavior on your sons' part. If they're going to seek out nudity and porn, and they will, just tell them that their interest is natural but that some depictions they're going to see are not a realistic portrayal of how adult men and women (or whatever combination comes up) interact with each other emotionally, romantically, physically, and sexually.
Offhand, the major thing I can think of to suggest is to not be one of those parents who teaches their child that anything sexual is "forbidden"/dirty/inappropriate,.....etc. Saying this because that's kind of how my mom was when my siblings and I were growing up, and while I'm not sure how it affected them, I've honestly had some issues with being comfortable with anything sexual because of how I was raised.
Sure, but with all respect, you were never a teenage boy. I hear this "people can wear what they want" argument all the time, and I understand it -- but I also get what this father is saying. Because he was a teenage boy once, and so was I. And boys are visually stimulated. So when a young boy's hormones are new and kicking in and and raging out of control, it can become really easy for visual stimuli to overload a kid's mind. It can overwhelm a young man. And I think it's all something that has to be dealt with very delicately. You don't want your boys objectifying girls, but at the same time, girls are often going to leave very little to the imagination, and access to nudity and porn is exceedingly easy these days. It can be really difficult for young men wrestling with their feelings.
The best you can really do is model appropriate behavior and teach respect. Just because other people lack modesty doesn't mean your boys have to, nor is others' lack of modesty an invitation or an excuse for poor behavior on your sons' part. If they're going to seek out nudity and porn, and they will, just tell them that their interest is natural but that some depictions they're going to see are not a realistic portrayal of how adult men and women (or whatever combination comes up) interact with each other emotionally, romantically, physically, and sexually.
Which is exactly what I said. People (including boys) are responsible for their own behavior regardless of the clothing choices of other people (including girls).
We don't allow it in our home. No R Rated movies allowed in the home either. Any entertainment that we see as not appropriate for a family is also not wanted in out home. Many PG films or TV shows don't make the cut. Adult films are far from what I want our kids to be a part of.
Can't control what they do outside of the home or if they sneak around the issue, but we can teach them how to live a good life.
No matter when they start wanting to see nudes of women or to become sexually active, teach them RESPECT of an other person's body number ONE.
Basically this. Teach your kids to respect other people. Not just respect their bodies or sexuality, respect people. If they do that everything else will fall into place
At 12 and 14, I'm pretty sure they are starting to figure things out on their own. Just let them know that you are available to field any questions they may have along the way.
That's a good way to avoid the conversation. Let them learn about sex from online porn and their gutter rat friends.
A responsible father will tell them that pornography is just Hollywood, not real. The people in porn videos are not even very good at sex, and if they behave like the people in those videos they are going to be lousy in bed. The best thing a father can do for his sons is provide a healthy attitude toward sex. It's the dance of life, and requires a dialog between partners. The kids need to learn to talk about sex, and talk with girls about sex, without adolescent s******ing. There should be a copy of Joy Of Sex in the house where the kids can find out the things real people do in bed, not porn stars.
Offhand, the major thing I can think of to suggest is to not be one of those parents who teaches their child that anything sexual is "forbidden"/dirty/inappropriate,.....etc. Saying this because that's kind of how my mom was when my siblings and I were growing up, and while I'm not sure how it affected them, I've honestly had some issues with being comfortable with anything sexual because of how I was raised.
That's kinda where I am having a dilemma on whether teaching too little is bad or too much is also bad.
They are probably a few years from having sexual contacts with others.
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