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Im wondering if this house they were supposed to be getting fell through and he wasn't able to get the loan and she just found out about it and now it is all falling apart for her so she had to lash out on me. You see, my ex got a settlement but it is only going to last another 10 years and he is already 60. I'm not sure he thought about that maybe a bank would look at that and only give him a 10 year loan and because he's not working it fell through. So that nice big house on the golf course and lake with that big master bedroom with the hot tub she was bragging about all week fell through and she is mad because I got HER DADS house.
If he built the house as you say, and you're the one who cheated on him, and you're the one with the financial means to find somewhere else to live...why did you get the house instead of him?
Edit: And if you moved the guy you cheated with in to that house your ex husband purportedly built then that would be a further injustice in your ex and your daughter's mind.
Last edited by Fifty Seven; 09-29-2016 at 10:28 AM..
If he built the house as you say, and you're the one who cheated on him, and you're the one with the financial means to find somewhere else to live...why did you get the house instead of him?
Oh for god sake. So the OP, who was neglected in her marriage and incredibly unhappy, fell into an affair (with a man she later married), and some of you want to get on your moral high horse about how she "cheated." Total B.S. If only life were that simple, that black-and-white. And only in the U.S. would people feel the need to pass judgment on someone else because they had sex outside of a dead marriage (the horror!). In Europe, such a judgment would be seen as immature, and even bizarre--because it is. Not to mention people in glass houses. . . .
You don't "fall into" an affair. Absent rape there is always an opportunity to end a previous relationship before starting a new one. You can really tell who the cheaters are in this thread. lol
And as far as Europe is concerned, they see getting raped by muslims as a cultural misunderstanding so I wouldn't really hold them up as the paragon of virtue.
True.
But I guess I am coming from the angle of the medically ill person.
I was laid up for ages, and my husband never even considered having an affair.
I still cannot work, and my husband had not complained about my limitations or the extra things he must do.
The fact that she CHOSE to cheat AND sell the house out from under him is despicable to me...
Well, I understand applying your own life to this situation due to the similarities. However, they seem different to me in that a) Your situation is not an abusive one and b) You're not getting a divorce.
In the event of a divorce, the house is marital assets, so it's completely reasonable to sell it. And given that her ex- has since bought another house, he was obviously not left homeless as a result.
The other telling thing? If the OP is to be believed, she is on good terms with her other two children.
I don't get how the husband could have physically built the house if he was disabled.
Maybe he physically build the house before his health problems, in which case, I doubt his wife was sitting around watching television and eating junk food all the while he was building it. More than likely, they were both contributing to the building process in some form or another
She had the affair, but he initiated the divorce, which would lead to either the house being sold or one spouse getting the house. It's not like she stole it from him and he got nothing. That's not the way divorces work
It's still none of the daughter's business what her mom decides to do with her own life.
Maybe the OP will come back to fill in more details.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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From your daughters standpoint I can't blame her. If you had been transparent with her about wanting to end the marriage to her father and actually filing for divorce before you started this relationship with the other person she would probably not have such contempt. But since you had the affair, which is a non-transparent way to handle a delicate situation, understandably she sees you as having done her father a terrible wrong, which even with your exs issues I think it was wrong no matter how others want to justify it.
Well, I understand applying your own life to this situation due to the similarities. However, they seem different to me in that a) Your situation is not an abusive one and b) You're not getting a divorce.
IDK... I was fairly crabby/miserable/bitchy when I was unable to do all the things I could not before my situation. The drugs also affected me badly and I took that out on others. My husband was understanding of the situation.
The OP's husband was upset with his situation (he had a stroke and lost use of an arm... that is HUGE for an electrician) and was taking it out on her. She sees that as abuse...
And yeah, we did not get a divorce as my husband did not chose to sleep with other women.
The OP's husband divorced her becasue of he affair.
I see your point, but I also see the flip side. It would be interesting to hear from the husband and see how far they both are from the actual truth.
Lol. Man... you can certainly point out the "cheated on/afraid to be cheated on, lost in the divorce, spouse walked out/ afraid they may walk" insecure people in this thread!
Cheating is cheating, there's no gray area on that subject. The right thing for the OP to do would have been to file for divorce first, then start seeing someone else.
I do not however believe that the daughter has anything to be upset about. Children were grown and out of the house when the affair began so it's not as if a happy family had been ruined and the daughter should be emotionally mature enough to deal with the situation.
This.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lenora
"Anyway my one daughter now hates me. Said I took the one thing away from her father that meant anything to him." The house.
It wasn't the affair. It wasn't the divorce. It was the house that her father had built. And you are now living in that home, where your children were raised, with your former paramour.
Give her 5 or 10 years. She may come around. Or not.
And This.
OP, you said you were working all the time and he wasn't. So basically, he was the stay at home parent. Even if he never touched a dirty dish he was the one there when they came home from school, took care of them when they were sick... etc. Your kids grew up with their daddy in that house.
And then they watched him get cheated on and be forced to leave it... the place where they have all their memories of their childhood with dad. Plus, you moved the guy you cheated with in the house! Sleeping in the room mom & dad used to share, I suppose.
Your daughters were grown so 2 of the 3 were at the level of maturity where they could see all sides of the issue. Maybe they realized long ago that your ex was a great dad but a not great husband.
But one daughter.. she still sees the parent she was closest to, who raised her, who treated her like a princess go through some serious betrayal and suffer painful indignities.
All that's going to heal that rift is time. Or not. But I don't think there is anything you can really do about it but wait.
When you make big mistakes, you can't control how long it takes the people who were hurt to move on. It sucks but that's life. You just have to own it.
The OP likely got the house in the divorce settlement because she worked for 18 years to pay for it, or because she bought out his half. Not sure why so much is being made about that particular detail.
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