Are children hard on a marriage? (babysitter, newborn, boy, chores)
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Yes, having children is tough on a marriage. However, a lot of things can be tough on a marriage - even not having kids. We were together for almost 10 years before having kids and we argued about the same amount I would say just about different things. We have an almost 5 year old and expecting another now. Our first was and is quite difficult and the first couple of years especially were very hard as we learned to survive on little to no sleep, work out who does what (we both work) and just fall into a new normal. We were forced to be more organized, more motivated and get on a different sleep schedule but honestly it was for the best as we were a bit lazy and didnt do much before. I am an introvert by nature and its been somewhat of a struggle giving up more alone time which I do miss (working outside the home does help with this though). But I love doing things as a family - I prefer it to just going out with my husband. My best memories are since my child has been born - the vacations, the holidays, the parties. We will see how it is with 2
Yes. It is a whole new ball game once the kids come along. It depends on how you play the game.
A couple can agree about everything but disagree about parenting. That is just an example. It is a whole new dynamic and it is physically and mentally exhausting, especially if you both work outside the home.
It can be fun and rewarding and give your life purpose and create the forever bonds that can't be erased by filing a piece of paper.
If the kids come at the right time, they can be a stimulant to your marriage.
We dated for 7 years and married for 8 years before we had our first kid. We had enjoyed life, i.e. taking trips 2 times a year after getting married, until we really thought that our relationship had become dull. But the kid came at the right moment. She put new momentum in our marriage.
Of course, raising a kid is not cheap. Each one has already cost me expenses equivalent to a nice condo. But on the day you attend the kid's graduation ceremony from college, you would think every dime you contribute is worth it!
Raising kids is an additional stress to a couple, but it makes life a lot more colorful and exciting than it would be otherwise. Both parents have to be willing to make adjustments and be willing to work as a team. Also, later on you can have adult children and grandchildren!
Hard, but satisfying. It tests a couple's spirit of cooperation, and sense of humor.
I will get on my soapbox again, about the fact that picking a partner who has been raised in a strong family will give you an edge when you have your own children. When children have the example of a couple that can roll with the punches while raising a family, they have tools to use on their own kids.
Sadly, you are correct. And, I've got to be honest, once their motherhood imperative if fullfilled a majority of women are not that bothered if there is no more sex in the marriage. I think most men are more bothered by their wives not being bothered than they are actually physically frustrated. They feel taken for granted. And when (more often than not) they get served with divorce papers, and find out that henceforth all that is expected is regular bi-monthly checks for support... ... resentful doesn't begin to describe the emotion...
One of the more vocal anti-marriage posters over on Relationships frequently posts a link to a big, long-term scholarly study of marriage and uses it to support the idea that women file for divorce more (which they do) because they're after money. I finally read the thing and it said that women get fed up with the imbalance of work that they do (job + housework + childcare). Oxytocin's one hell of a drug, and I find it hard to believe that sex goes out the window unless there's a lot more going on ... like resentment that the Mr. is not pulling his weight.
Same here. My ex-husband can really only take care of himself, and he always needed to come first. I love being a parent, but I really wish my partner had been strong enough to be a parent, a husband, and an individual all at the same time.
I received this anonymous "rep" comment: "I am totally shocked that you are a parent, based on your posts on this board."
I'm assuming you meant this as a negative since you didn't sign your name, and you're judging me in some way, but I have mentioned that I'm a parent repeatedly on many of the subforums, so I guess your problem is that you're just not a very close reader.
So to reiterate, yes, I love being a mother; it is central to my identity. I just would have liked a partner who was actually my partner.
Having once been married to a man with with a HUGE ego, I understand your feelings. Being a divorced single mother wasn't easy either, but I'll take that over being married to a guy who thinks the whole world revolves about him and only him any day!
If you're finding things in the marriage are hard, then pitch in MORE. The degree to which your wife has to spend her time taking care of the kids directly relates to the time YOU have with her. So if you do kid stuff that frees her up for you....make sense?
Sadly, you are correct. And, I've got to be honest, once their motherhood imperative if fullfilled a majority of women are not that bothered if there is no more sex in the marriage. I think most men are more bothered by their wives not being bothered than they are actually physically frustrated. They feel taken for granted. And when (more often than not) they get served with divorce papers, and find out that henceforth all that is expected is regular bi-monthly checks for support... ... resentful doesn't begin to describe the emotion...
So are you speaking from direct experience? If so, why did you marry someone who wanted kids? I'm assuming you DID NOT and DO NOT. Sounds like you made a poor choice...either that or you're good speaking for OTHER men...
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