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Because if one subscribes to one or more of the following:
"Increase and multiply,"
"I'm feeling reptile urges from my amygdala,"
"Everyone who is normal ________,"
"I'm sh___ scared of growing old alone,"
... or any number of other rationalizations, even a rational trade off analysis won't stop a person from increasing and multiplying.
I encountered a word for this sort of belief system (as that's what it really is): Pro-Natalism.
..."Pro-Natalism"... That term is "my" Noun, Adjective & Verb.
From your above mentioned multiple choice; numbers 1,3 & 4 do not apply.
How much do you know about #2: The Amygdala?
This is a completley sincere query. I am an adult ASD female with 11 children. I score EXCEPTIONALLY BAD on Facial Recognition assessments. Possible factor or no?
The ironic part is you cant be kid free and have a productive life. Your life has no point, it can be a fun life.
I have two friends who purposely had no kids. Him and his wife are in their 50s are swingers, have a boat, go on vacation all the time, live on the water, travel.
They have no kids to worry about, no colleges to pay for, no weddings to pay for, no kids to give an inheritance to so goal is to have fun and blow all the money. It is fun, but no purpose really.
I have children, but they are not the only purpose my life has. I am an active volunteer, we host exchange students, I have a rescue dog, etc. I don't know that saving up a lot of money to pay for an extravagant wedding for your grown child is any more "productive" than anything else, to be honest. I have no idea about your friends, but most adults do give back to the community in some way whether or not they have children.
I was just discussing this with my teenager the other day. He said, "why would anyone volunteer for anything? They wouldn't get paid. I don't know anyone who volunteers." My husband and I were like . We said, what do you think Dad is doing when he spends every Sunday at your league working with kids other than you? What do you think Mom is doing when she spends hours meeting with teenagers who don't belong to us? What do you think we are doing when we have a foreign exchange student living in our house for free for an entire year??
I expect that sort of obliviousness from a 15-year-old, but not from other adults... of course people have productive lives even if they aren't centering those lives around children!
As for the OP, there's no right or wrong answer. I think that for me, it would come down to which scenario would you both be more likely to enjoy vs what you might regret. My husband and I have two teenagers, and with everything else on our plates, we do not want any more biological children. We might look into fostering teens once our two have moved out as adults. Maybe something like that would be up your alley; there's less of a time investment and less of a financial investment. But if you want children, then really, you'll make it work. They do not cost half a million dollars... that's just silliness.
The ironic part is you cant be kid free and have a productive life. Your life has no point, it can be a fun life.
I have two friends who purposely had no kids. Him and his wife are in their 50s are swingers, have a boat, go on vacation all the time, live on the water, travel.
They have no kids to worry about, no colleges to pay for, no weddings to pay for, no kids to give an inheritance to so goal is to have fun and blow all the money. It is fun, but no purpose really.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21
What if they dedicated their lives to charity or some noble purpose. You would still feel that way?
Regarding the above exchange:
It is my personal opinionthat dedication to helping others would indeed "balance the scales".
Otherwise a person might become "He; who has never put another before him."
Before I get "eaten alive" by the child-free-ers here on C-D; please understand that my personal opinion comes from my personal experience.
And that personal experience is that of myself not having been "child-free" since I was 16 years old. A child myself; I suppose ...
I have a hard time conceiving what in the world that must actually BE LIKE; I still think I would be dead by now.
I absolutely would have had to have something or someone to put "before me" ...
What do all the "I want a carefree life" people do when their parents start aging? Being a full time caretaker of someone with Alzheimer's or dementia isn't carefree at all. It's a full time job. Even without senility, an elderly parent with any kind of health issues needs help. It can be as stressful - or more stressful - than taking care of a child.
Ship em off to a retirement home of course, as they did to their parents, and they did to the great grandparents. I'm on the complete opposite end of the country. I see them maybe once every 4 years.
But everyone doesn't live where you live! Everyone doesn't have your job! Where I live, the top school districts are EXPENSIVE. A decent house here will cost you over $500K and your annual property taxes will be well over $10K....closer to $20K. Plenty of people here are house poor.
Is this California or Hawaii? If so I can understand why it's so costly to buy a home and live there.
Honestly I know plenty of people whose parents did the best they could, raised them til 18 and off into the world they went (my partner was 17 when he left home, he's a wonderful person and makes a good living)...
I feel that its a different standard these days and too much really- it doesn't have to be that "expensive" to raise a moral human being with an active mind who can think for them selves ...
If you want a child or two, its eminently doable ... (although I think a single is more manageable)...
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by tassity22
What do all the "I want a carefree life" people do when their parents start aging? Being a full time caretaker of someone with Alzheimer's or dementia isn't carefree at all. It's a full time job. Even without senility, an elderly parent with any kind of health issues needs help. It can be as stressful - or more stressful - than taking care of a child.
Put them into environment where a caretaker will be able to tend to their needs with the upmost patience, because that situation will not be at my house.
What do all the "I want a carefree life" people do when their parents start aging? Being a full time caretaker of someone with Alzheimer's or dementia isn't carefree at all. It's a full time job. Even without senility, an elderly parent with any kind of health issues needs help. It can be as stressful - or more stressful - than taking care of a child.
This is my worry: If I had children now, what will be like for them to take care of me or my partner when we are old, and they are still young? I am in my 30's and he is in his 40's, and we have no money and live in a tiny apartment. What could we offer a child?
I would like to be a parent - some instinctual drive - but I feel completely unworthy of it on so many levels. I am resigned to the fact that I will probably never have children, and my partner feels much the same.
I guess we will enjoy spontaneous movies and shopping or whatever until we are in a nursing home, hopefully being visited by other people's children whom choose us instead of us forcing them into our world.
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