Guilty Parent Syndrome (divorced, parents, chores, daughter)

[carrot juice]

Anyone familiar with this one: The Guilty Parent Syndrome.

It goes like this. Parents get divorced. Parent feels bad that he/she caused the divorced or that ex-spouse tries to make him/her out to be a bad person.

In order to compensate, parent overgives to the child. Never says no. Doesn't set boundaries. Parent needs to be liked and prove that he/she is the better parent.

Sound familiar?

[121804]

I think this is common in many families even if the parents are together.
Parents are working all the time & feel guilty about not being around so they are pushovers & constantly giving their children something. I think you can find what you described in 75% of families if not more.

Most be twice as severe in marriages that have not worked out.

[carrot juice]

Originally Posted by 121804

I think this is common in many families even if the parents are together.
Parents are working all the time & feel guilty about not being around so they are pushovers & constantly giving their children something. I think you can find what you described in 75% of families if not more.

Most be twice as severe in marriages that have not worked out.

This is why I fear dating divorced men with children. Too many of them become guilty parents... you step in and suddenly you are a few rungs below the kids....

[MainStreet]

The only element of guilty parenting that applies to my situation is chores. I can't ask my daughter to cut the grass if she just cut the grass at her dad's yesterday. I can't ask her to take out the trash if she just did that at dad's before coming home (we all live in the same town). So I have a tendency to do everything here, knowing she has chores at her dad's. She surprises me with things. This year she took down all the outdoor Christmas lights without being asked.

[carrot juice]

Originally Posted by MainStreet

The only element of guilty parenting that applies to my situation is chores. I can't ask my daughter to cut the grass if she just cut the grass at her dad's yesterday. I can't ask her to take out the trash if she just did that at dad's before coming home (we all live in the same town). So I have a tendency to do everything here, knowing she has chores at her dad's. She surprises me with things. This year she took down all the outdoor Christmas lights without being asked.

She can't take out the trash two days in a row? Life is tough, isn't it?

[regarese]

I wish my parents had the divorced parent guilt. After they made sure we were ok with the whole "daddy doesn't live here anymore" bit, it was a pretty much "life's tough, but we still love you" attitude. LOL. They divorced when we were very young and there was no spoiling, one-upping, making the other out to be the bad guy...none of it. To this day, I'm still shocked they got it right.

[treeg26]

Oh, yes. The guilty parent syndrome. I know lots of parents with this. I suffered from it myself, until I realised that my kids were turning into total brats. Then it ended! It was REALLY hard to reverse, and my kids were still fairly young.

We all see so many kids who act like the world "owes" them, or the rules don't apply to them. Maybe they are all the result of parents that give too much and expect too little because they feel guilty?!?!?!

[MainStreet]

Originally Posted by carrot juice

She can't take out the trash two days in a row? Life is tough, isn't it?

My daughter was 10 and was completely blind-sided when we divorced. She lives in two houses, one east of the high school and one west of the high school. I can't imagine doing identical chores at two houses...I stand on my decision.

[b75]

I think coordinating things between both houses sounds fair and it is good that both parents are communicating to effect that.

Originally Posted by MainStreet

My daughter was 10 and was completely blind-sided when we divorced. She lives in two houses, one east of the high school and one west of the high school. I can't imagine doing identical chores at two houses...I stand on my decision.

[Huckleberry3911948]

the guilt thing goes way further than the kid thing its a national epedemic.
its borders on self hatred and shame of our present and past.
not good stuff. very unhealthy. how did this happen? we make mistakes
we are not a mistake.