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Old 02-24-2008, 07:44 PM
 
337 posts, read 1,008,708 times
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Default Guilty Parent Syndrome

Anyone familiar with this one: The Guilty Parent Syndrome.

It goes like this. Parents get divorced. Parent feels bad that he/she caused the divorced or that ex-spouse tries to make him/her out to be a bad person.

In order to compensate, parent overgives to the child. Never says no. Doesn't set boundaries. Parent needs to be liked and prove that he/she is the better parent.

Sound familiar?
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Old 02-24-2008, 08:41 PM
 
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I think this is common in many families even if the parents are together.
Parents are working all the time & feel guilty about not being around so they are pushovers & constantly giving their children something. I think you can find what you described in 75% of families if not more.

Most be twice as severe in marriages that have not worked out.
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Old 02-24-2008, 09:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
I think this is common in many families even if the parents are together.
Parents are working all the time & feel guilty about not being around so they are pushovers & constantly giving their children something. I think you can find what you described in 75% of families if not more.

Most be twice as severe in marriages that have not worked out.
This is why I fear dating divorced men with children. Too many of them become guilty parents... you step in and suddenly you are a few rungs below the kids....
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Old 02-25-2008, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
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The only element of guilty parenting that applies to my situation is chores. I can't ask my daughter to cut the grass if she just cut the grass at her dad's yesterday. I can't ask her to take out the trash if she just did that at dad's before coming home (we all live in the same town). So I have a tendency to do everything here, knowing she has chores at her dad's. She surprises me with things. This year she took down all the outdoor Christmas lights without being asked.
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Old 02-25-2008, 10:01 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MainStreet View Post
The only element of guilty parenting that applies to my situation is chores. I can't ask my daughter to cut the grass if she just cut the grass at her dad's yesterday. I can't ask her to take out the trash if she just did that at dad's before coming home (we all live in the same town). So I have a tendency to do everything here, knowing she has chores at her dad's. She surprises me with things. This year she took down all the outdoor Christmas lights without being asked.

She can't take out the trash two days in a row? Life is tough, isn't it?
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Old 02-25-2008, 10:45 AM
 
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Default I Wish-lol

I wish my parents had the divorced parent guilt. After they made sure we were ok with the whole "daddy doesn't live here anymore" bit, it was a pretty much "life's tough, but we still love you" attitude. LOL. They divorced when we were very young and there was no spoiling, one-upping, making the other out to be the bad guy...none of it. To this day, I'm still shocked they got it right.
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Old 02-25-2008, 02:33 PM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
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Oh, yes. The guilty parent syndrome. I know lots of parents with this. I suffered from it myself, until I realised that my kids were turning into total brats. Then it ended! It was REALLY hard to reverse, and my kids were still fairly young.

We all see so many kids who act like the world "owes" them, or the rules don't apply to them. Maybe they are all the result of parents that give too much and expect too little because they feel guilty?!?!?!
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Old 02-25-2008, 10:20 PM
 
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carrot juice View Post
She can't take out the trash two days in a row? Life is tough, isn't it?
My daughter was 10 and was completely blind-sided when we divorced. She lives in two houses, one east of the high school and one west of the high school. I can't imagine doing identical chores at two houses...I stand on my decision.
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Old 02-25-2008, 10:45 PM
b75
 
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I think coordinating things between both houses sounds fair and it is good that both parents are communicating to effect that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MainStreet View Post
My daughter was 10 and was completely blind-sided when we divorced. She lives in two houses, one east of the high school and one west of the high school. I can't imagine doing identical chores at two houses...I stand on my decision.
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Old 02-25-2008, 10:48 PM
 
Location: southern california
47,957 posts, read 43,402,587 times
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the guilt thing goes way further than the kid thing its a national epedemic.
its borders on self hatred and shame of our present and past.
not good stuff. very unhealthy. how did this happen? we make mistakes
we are not a mistake.
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