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If I wanted to leave money to a family member I found unreliable about money, I would leave it in a trust so they would have to go through them to get money. I know someone in that situation and they are making the money last really well for emergencies only, where the individual would have spent it in a couple months.
We have a situation where we have adult and "launched" children (who are college educated and doing well) and minor children who are still in elementary school. We are leaving all our assets in a trust to our young children...well to the care and raising of them. Its a significant sum and should be enough to pay for their care through college. We will put it in a trust and have someone manage it as well. So we haven't yet, but plan on having a conversation with our adult kids about this...because if it did happen that my husband and I both died with young children, we don't want to hurt the older ones, we need them to understand our decision.
Once the youngest 2 are launched, I imagine we will split it 4 ways.
To tell you the truth, I have never heard a SAHM referred to as "lazy" and/or "deadbeat". Never, and I have raised two kids and been through all the "Mommy Wars". I think tassity22 may be fishing for compliments.
Ive seen it here on this website! Not so much in person. But on this site I see a lot of people making derogatory comments about SAHMs being lazy, etc.
If you're going to disinherit a child, you better tell them WHY.
But I think it's unfair to disinherit any child, even if there's a good reason. It may cause a lot of resentment and hurt feelings between the siblings. Even if you are financially stable, is it fair that your mooching sibling gets a free house/money while you don't, simply because you work and can earn those things? So they get a free ride, while you get nothing?
Vice versa, what about you getting the free house/money while your mooching sibling gets nothing? The mooching sibling will NOT think they deserve nothing for being a mooch; they might think it's unfair that you got something while he/she got nothing, and then jealousy starts and the relationship goes bad.
I know a family in which the girls are spoiled and the parents bought them an expensive purchase (doesn't matter what it was) while the guys did not get the same expensive purchase. I cannot fathom why the parents would do that. If I were the guy, I would be very angry at my parents. Why the hell should my sisters get that expensive thing for free while I have to pay for it?
I've also heard people say they wouldn't enable a "lazy, deadbeat" adult child.
Well, it's all relative. Many people have called me lazy and deadbeat because I'm a stay at home mother. It would cost as much or more to put 3 kids in daycare than what I could earn every month; that's why I am not working a full time job. But they overlook that important little fact. I've even had people tell me I should work anyway, even if it pays less than what childcare would cost. They also overlook the fact that I do a mountain of volunteer work for my child's school and our church. They said "when are you going to get a job?" and "Isn't it hard getting by on one salary?" and "what do you do all day?" It's sad but stay at home mothers are considered "lazy" by many people, even sometimes their own family members. So would you cut your daughter out of the will because she was a SAHM? I'm just curious what people would do here.
More than likely a parent of a SAHM was also a SAHM or wished she was. I too was a SAHM with three children, my mother was a SAHM with four children and my niece was/is a SAHM of five. All of my parent's children and adult grandchildren are treated equally because my family recognizes that SAHMs work hard. Who do you think OUR older parents/grandparents call when they need help and everyone else is "at work"? The adult child who does not need to report to an employer. It is highly unlikely (but not impossible) that a parent of a SAHM would consider the child a slacker.
For the sake of this conversation let's define grown as over the age of 27.
A friend is considering disinheriting her 33 year old daughter and she has every reason to do so but we started talking about what others would do.
A will is simply a legal instrument to distribute a person's possessions and wealth- It is not a declaration of love and I think many people get the two confused.
I would disinherit a grown child if
1) they had a gambling problem or addiction problem like drugs or alcohol and refused to seek or accept help
2) if I was reasonably sure he would give the money away to a cult or fringe group
3) if this child had demonstrated an inability to manage her finances or life in general
4) if this child had demonstrated or even said she did not want to be a part of the family anymore
5) if a child was already wealthy and other children needed inheritance more
6) if he was convicted of a crime and would be spending the rest of his life in prison
7) if a grandchild or sibling had catastrophic medical needs and bills
I know inheritances can be set up in trusts to dole it out piece meal over the life of the child. I think that would be better than a huge windfall at say 30 years old. It is also possible to change a will with a codicil or completely rewrite a will if circumstances really changed.
I do not believe in ruling from the grave but I also don't believe a person has an obligation to leave their wealth to anybody in particular.
Do you agree or not?
I would disinherit a grown child or sibling for some of those things you mentioned, but not the following:
#6 and #7
#7 isn't fair to anyone, and if the bills are that astronomical, then there are healthcare avenues for the indigent, plus there is Gofundme.com and similar.
Does #6 surprise you? I would, of course, put the money in trust for that child or sibling as opposed to full access, but I would want monies available for them to fight for their freedom (unless youknow beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are truly and positively guilty and that the punishment is appropriate for the crime), and also some money for them to use to buy better food while in prison.
Do you understand how easy it is in this country to be arrested and convicted and yet to still be NOT GUILTY?
Ive seen it here on this website! Not so much in person. But on this site I see a lot of people making derogatory comments about SAHMs being lazy, etc.
I've seen it here, too, come to think of it. But I've also seen on it many other message boards all over the internet.
It is highly unlikely (but not impossible) that a parent of a SAHM would consider the child a slacker.
It is mainly my husband's family who considers me a slacker, but yes, it's possible that a parent could be disappointed in their daughter not having a paying career, and thus decide to disinherit her.
My husband's cousin has very vocal in his criticism of my staying home. The ultimate irony about this, is that his cousin himself stays home and doesn't work, and is fully supported financially by his partner. Yet he criticizes me for staying home with kids. Go figure.
I would never use money as a tool to punish a loved one. Everyone gets their fair share.
A child's "fair share" of their parent's money is -
ZERO.
Nada. Nil. Zilch. Zippo.
The amount of fighting even BEFORE my father died over who was going to get his (non-existent because they had ALL already bled him dry, admittedly some more than others) wealth was appalling.
Bazillionaires who leave NOTHING or only a pittance to their kids aside. Very very very few of us (actually NONE of us reading this) are in that position.
I actually have siblings who think I have tons of money stashed away - they're just as delusional about my situation as they were about my dad's. I guarantee you they would fight to turn over the will after my death if I left "it all" to my son - they did with my dad's will, AND they won. Imagine their anger when they discovered they'd "won" elderly household furnishings of no particular value, because they'd already cleaned my dad out totally before he died.
Had I hired a lawyer I could have gotten the original will enforced, especially as it left nothing to me anyway. I SPECIFICALLY told him not to put me in his will, I already had the only thing I wanted, one of the few woodworking items he'd made when he was still doing that sort of thing that he still had around - a magazine stand. The evil siblings already had taken everything else he'd made in his life, such as the dining room table and the solid maple bed and even the quilting frame he'd made for my grandmother and which she had left to me.
He actually left everything he still had to one of my younger sisters. But there was no money.
Anyway. My solution was to give everything (what little there was of it, about $25k worth after a long long illness) to my son NOW. That leaves only household furnishings and the little bit of SS I get. And my son wants NONE of my "things" and my SS check just covers my living expenses and allows for a few "luxuries" - occassional meals out, cello lessons (at my age, LOL!) and the yarn and cloth I buy to knit, crochet, and quilt items for charity.
So lotsaluck, charlie, should they pop up to try to interfere with the execution of MY will. My son won't even contest it and all they'll end up with is "junk", LOL!
My son doesn't need disinheriting, but if my siblings were actually my kids, I'd disinherit the greedy so-and-sos in a heartbeat, LOL!
I've seen it here, too, come to think of it. But I've also seen on it many other message boards all over the internet.
Frankly I've seen both extremes here on CD. The " you're abandoning your children to be raised by strangers" is more frequently posted than SAHM's are lazy. Both are incorrect.
IRL, people are too busy to care what anyone else does.
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