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I'm a teenage parent, or, was, however you want to put it. I'm 23 now and became a dad at 18, my daughter Ava is 5 now. Unfortunately her mom is not in her life, she just wanted no part of parenthood. It was a complete miracle I was able to raise a kid and get through college( actually my parents did help out).
It's just, I'm stressing out now because as she gets older it's just going to get harder and I second guess every decision with her. When she begs to stay up I don't know how to respond. If she refuses to eat veggies I have no idea what to do. I don't want to be a strict parent, yet I know I can't be a parent that lets the 5 year old have free reign who'll turn into a disastrous teenager. I have little to no idea what I'm doing and the future freaks me out.
There are parenting classes and parenting books that can help. When she begs to stay up, you say no. She has a set bed time and you stick to it. Maybe occasionally on a weekend she could stay up a little later. When she refuses to eat her veggies, she doesn't get dessert. Stick to it. Never forget that you are the parent and you are in charge. That doesn't mean you have to punish excessively, or never ever make an exception. Just make the rules and stick to them.
Have a bed time routine where she changes and brushes her teeth, then you read her a book. After the book, lights out. I think routines are hugely important.
If you made it through college as a single dad, you're doing well. Congratulations. Look into Love and Logic. They have books and classes.
There are parenting classes and parenting books that can help. When she begs to stay up, you say no. She has a set bed time and you stick to it. Maybe occasionally on a weekend she could stay up a little later. When she refuses to eat her veggies, she doesn't get dessert. Stick to it. Never forget that you are the parent and you are in charge. That doesn't mean you have to punish excessively, or never ever make an exception. Just make the rules and stick to them.
Have a bed time routine where she changes and brushes her teeth, then you read her a book. After the book, lights out. I think routines are hugely important.
If you made it through college as a single dad, you're doing well. Congratulations. Look into Love and Logic. They have books and classes.
She knows all the little tricks to getting what she wants( I.E. wanting water when it's bedtime in order to stay up later or puppy dog sad eyes when she doesn't want to eat veggies). Sometimes I give in but other times I don't
She knows all the little tricks to getting what she wants( I.E. wanting water when it's bedtime or puppy dog sad eyes when she doesn't want to eat veggies). Sometimes I give in but other times I don't
Don't give in! Now it's water and veggies. Later it will be something else. Small kids, small problems. Big kids, big problems. Let her give you the puppy dog eyes, and say "well, if you don't eat your veggies, you can't have dessert. That will be sad, but it's your choice." Let her get up and get water by herself, but don't give her attention right then. That's what she wants. If it doesn't work, she'll stop.
I do have a consistency issue. Sometimes she gets to stay up late, other times she doesn't. Sometimes she gets to not eat her vegetables but other times she has to.
You also need to learn when to pick your battle. If she doesn't want to eat her veggies, offer her a fruit. If she still won't eat, remind her that's it for the night, no dessert. In my house, it's called "after dinner snack" as I didn't want to associate the food after dinner as always having to be a sugar or sweet item.
The last bit of water is the small drink when brushing teeth, period, the end. Do not let her have more water. Remind her that people can go many days without water before they die and she can make it 10 hours.
I have a 5 year old (and an 8 year old). Yes, they look sad and say "pretty please". I always say that they have to do something because that's just what you do, "I don't make the rules, I just tell you what they are!" They come back and say that it is me making the rules and I can change them, and I just say that the rules have been in place for hundreds of years and even the cavemen had rules to eat their veggies...
Stay strong and be consistent!! You're there to be her parent, not her best friend.
I don't want to be a strict parent, yet I know I can't be a parent that lets the 5 year old have free reign who'll turn into a disastrous teenager. I have little to no idea what I'm doing and the future freaks me out.
You are confusing "strict" with "cruel". It's cruel NOT to be strict, because kids need limits, consistency and boundaries. When she asks to stay up late, you say "no", because it's not good for her to miss out on sleep. Food is a little more problematic, because you don't want to trigger eating obsessions.
As long as you are keeping your eye on what is best for her health and well-being, you can generally be on the right track. Kids need sleep. Kids need good nutrition. Kids need play, preferably with friends. Kids need education. Kids do NOT need candy, too much TV or computer work, expensive clothes or toys, or a parent who lacks the courage to do the right thing.
There is a great book that you might find helpful: "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Foster Cline (there's also a website you might like browsing, but the book lays it all out for you.) It helps parents structure discipline in such a way that puts the responsibility for actions and behavior right where they belong -- on the child. It takes you out of the mindset that you are "punishing" undesirable behavior, and instead are enforcing consequences. Don't make the mistake of confusing "discipline" with "punishment". Part of parenting is helping their child develop the sense of discipline that allows them to accomplish goals. The sense of accomplishment that is earned in succeeding at small things later translates to the sense of self-confidence that they have the ability to successfully tackle the big things in both their personal life and their interactions with others.
All parents freak out to some degree or the other -- you started out young, and there were so many other things to deal with, you didn't have time to freak out. :-) Now you're older, and you understand consequences of both bad decisions and good decisions -- you'll be in better shape to help your daughter learn these life lessons, too. Just keep your cool, love your daughter and keep her well-being uppermost in all your decisions: She needs a strong, loving parent, not a best friend.
I do have a consistency issue. Sometimes she gets to stay up late, other times she doesn't. Sometimes she gets to not eat her vegetables but other times she has to.
No, no, no....you NEED to be consistent! You have a vegetable and fruit with dinner every night, you go to bed by 8 (maybe 9 on the weekend) you do your homework right after you get home from school, you help clean up and listen to dad. No means no.
You are very young, but I was 31 when I had my first child and I also had NO idea what I was doing either. Parenting is a learning process. You listen to advice, you read parenting books, take parenting classes, ask your parents for help. Don't let her get away with things you know are bad. Discipline her. I don't mean spanking, but taking favorites toys away, etc. She will learn to listen. She has to know that you will not her get away with what ever she wants.
You're on the right track as you are seeking help. I think you're doing good with your given situation!
I'm not a spanker. My go-to is the " time out" chair, where she has to sit quietly for 5 min, rarely does.
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