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I am an unmarried 28 year old woman with two kids that I find myself often no longer wanting and I feel I've ruined my life taking this on.....
When I was 24 years old, and both my little sister and mom passed away. I made the decision to petition for guardianship for my nephew (1.5 years at the time) and my little brother (13 at the time) because we all no longer had a mother and I didn't want to lose control over what happened to them whether they went with a relative or was placed in foster care. I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't petition and it all backfired.
Now four years later, I am 28 years old, my nephew is almost 6, my brother is 17 and they are still my only children. I still don't have any children of my own, I haven't even dated once, since caring for them. Within the first few months of winning guardianship, I found myself quitting cigarettes, pot, and no longer responding to guys. I started on a journey of growth to become an example and be nurturing, my soul is very old but I am very young and beautiful. Yet I find myself often stuck, depressed and unable to socialize or date. All I do is take care of the boys. Within the last 2 years my brother has become rebellious and disrespectful towards me, he has gotten physical a few times by punching extremely large holes in my apartment walls as a result of trying to be controlled by rules. I didn't call the police to file a report but I should have because I now realize I didn't hold him accountable for that action. School officials can't get him to comply with rules at school either, they send him to ISS (in school suspension) or Suspend him from school which is often. He skips school a lot regardless of our calm talks or angry disputes. I believe him to be smoking weed and drinking alcohol with people he can't bring himself to separate from regardless of my suggestions to stop and separate himself. He aggressively tells to me shut up talking to him when I verbally disagree with his actions. He wants to do whatever he pleases and wants the school and I to mind our business and let him. Issue is, I receive all the consequences if I back off and he is well aware of this but doesn't care. I can't get him to take responsibility for his own actions, stop blaming me and others and manipulating people to have sympathy for him by making me or someone else look bad however he can. The thing is, he is as cool as a cucumber, nice and respectful until you require him to be responsible and prioritize. Then it gets extremely ugly quickly as you enforce it. The school is now filing charges against me for his truancy for "contributing to non attendance" after I've already talked to several people and informed them he keeps skipping. The team of school officials can not be charged for not being able to keep him on school grounds, as he leaves when he wants to, so it's so unfair that I am charged for me, alone, not being able to force him to stay. He doesn't realize or seem much concerned that what he does rubs off on my 5 year old nephew and he is also starting to yell at me, be disrespectful and refuse things. He also hit a wall twice. Resources I contact for support refer me to other people and places, I often feel like they don't want to deal with it either... I didn't know what I was doing and wish I had someone to explain to me what I was getting myself into. I am emotionally exhausted, overwhelmed and resent that I was left on this earth all alone to deal with things like this. I am angry with myself that I cut off my life before I got a chance to really live. I want to be there for the boys but wish that I had chosen to only be an Aunt and a Sister instead of all that combined with being a guardian. All I do is cry now in private but smile in public. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown and sometimes feel like death would be a merciful release and I no longer fear it. I understand my brother needs help but he refuses literally everything so I am so very tired. Can I sign him over to the state? Have them be legally responsible since they have more resources for kids like that? Can I terminate my guardianship? Is their a good chance to be granted emancipation? What are all my options? I am growing weaker here dealing with my brother but still need to find strength to fight for my 5 year old nephew a little longer until I can't anymore. He looks to me as a mommy ..... I am so afraid of the future now
OMG you need help!
You have taken a lot! and for your age too-
((HUGS))!!!!
I think you should call child services and state that you need help!!!! They can get you a social worker,
or are there other relatives you can call in for help- you need help for the 17 year old at the least!!!
I will think on this some more...
Is there a safe place you can take the 5 year old to, and you can go somewhere , even to cafe , to have a cup of tea and a muffin and just take a minute to relax?
YOU NEED A BREAK.
There are def different things you can do, even if the 17 yr old gets help from the state you can keep some kind of guardianship over him - he sounds like a lot for anyone to handle, and you need a break, and its worse for the 5 year old to go to the state....
You might want to get your brother into some kind of alternative school or GED prep class. He'll be 18 soon. He obviously doesn't want to go to school. Have him take the GED and get a job. Maybe he can get out on his own soon.
As for the 5 year old, it would be devastating for him to lose you. You may qualify for some kind of respite care, or maybe a friend or relative could babysit to give you a break.
You might want to get your brother into some kind of alternative school or GED prep class. He'll be 18 soon. He obviously doesn't want to go to school. Have him take the GED and get a job. Maybe he can get out on his own soon.
As for the 5 year old, it would be devastating for him to lose you. You may qualify for some kind of respite care, or maybe a friend or relative could babysit to give you a break.
Hang in there. I'm sorry for your loss.
Switching his school, withdrawing him from school to be either homeschooled or take the GED, Calling the detention center to pick him and signing him up to be mentored by positive remodels all result in threats that he will do more to get me in trouble with law and possibly have my nephew taken, even if he has to lie. Beyond hurtful. It was also embarrassing when I called his school to have them prepare the withdraw papers, traveled all the way there by public transit just to change my mind and feel defeated by a selfish 17 year old. I honestly can't handle him doing any more to me. I am currently seeking counseling inside and outside of the school. I made the calls and set the appointments but have to lie to him and trick him to get him there or he will refuse and run. I pray this leads to more doors opening for help.
OMG you need help!
You have taken a lot! and for your age too-
((HUGS))!!!!
I think you should call child services and state that you need help!!!! They can get you a social worker,
or are there other relatives you can call in for help- you need help for the 17 year old at the least!!!
I will think on this some more...
He threatens to lie to have my nephew also taken away in the event that I call authorities in for help.
I need to stop being afraid and deal with whatever he sends my way, no matter how harsh. I don't like feeling helpless and afraid like this, I've made it my prison, and It doesn't help that I am an extreme introvert so I bite painful bullets way too often, smh
It sounds like your brother is acting out possibly due to unresolved trauma relating to his mother's and sister's deaths. Just a guess. And you, also, are grieving their loss, and are feeling lost or resentful about having been left "alone" to cope with all this, by their deaths. My guess is that both of you share that in common, though you may not have opened up to each other about it.
I would suggest "family" counseling for the two of you, but he's unlikely to participate. But it's worth a try, if you can get social services to cover it. Otherwise, he needs counseling. He may need trauma intervention and/or PTSD treatment. It would be good to get him to a highly skilled therapist for an evaluation, at least; someone with experience with childhood trauma.
Did your brother witness anything relating to the deaths? If so, unresolved trauma has been festering all this time.
Yoi ALL need to be surrounded by unconditional love, support and counsel. Im going to pull a madea on you..and say "yall need some heller breakin church up in here-a!". Dont force the 17 yr old to go. Go to a very informal non denominational church. That has a strong community. Like church of thcommunity. Try a few until u find one you do Not get lost in and feel welcome. First you get some Ywelcome during service, you get to hook up with singles parent groups for your age.. Yes there are many guys and girls single parentinf at your age.. all the while your 5 year old is being fed values, love, acceptance and finding his worth in God. I promise.. As you find prayer (no matter what your religion) you will find that your 17 yr old will slowly become curious and maybe go to church with u. Hes hurting really bad. His anger is anguish. Your tellint him what to do steps into an appropriate mothet figure and he only sees ...mom.which.. You are not to him. He needs trauma therapy. Sweetie.. I think all 3 of u beed it.
There are FREE services all over maricopa county.
DO reach out to CPS on your own. THEY are there to help yoj!!!!
DO go to a church where you can find friendship supott, counseling and prayer.
DONT sit and wait for the answer to come to you or for the 17yr old to hurt someone or himself. You have a lot of people already praying from this post.
You may not see it now my love... But GOD chose you for this very moment. NO ONE would have filled the shoea you are filling right now.
Seek God fully right now.. He will honor you in his time with the desires of your heart...
I also "inherited" siblings when I was a bit younger than you. It was a little different as I also has a child of my own and a husband to support me but it was still difficult. The oldest of my siblings, my sister V, was a little younger than your brother and also had lots of issues when she hit her teen years. She was diagnosed early on with bipolar disorder but refused medication, she called social services and told them I hit her and made her sleep in the attic (they didn't believe any of it) and proceeded to make our lives difficult in many ways. Her mother, my stepmother, was actually around but wouldn't take care of them, and when V was 16 she petitioned the court to move back with her mother. I made sure her mom couldn't touch her inheritance and then let her go. Her mom set her up in a studio apartment and then applied and got ssi based on her diagnosis and left again. It was kind of crazy but we all survived and my sister who is now 28 has come out the other side. She is happy, healthy (takes her meds and uses sleep therapy) and has a degree in medical illustration which takes her all over the world. These things can and frequently do turn out ok.
Get a support system, take care of yourself, and don't be afraid of social services.
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..... I am so afraid of the future now
Help around the corner
all the while your 5 year old is being fed values, love, acceptance and finding his worth in God. I promise.. As you find prayer (no matter what your religion) you will find that your 17 yr old will slowly become curious and maybe go to church with u. Hes hurting really bad. His anger is anguish. Your tellint him what to do steps into an appropriate mothet figure and he only sees ...mom.which.. You are not to him. He needs trauma therapy. Sweetie.. I think all 3 of u beed it. 
