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If she is as incapable as people here have suggested, she would not be able to live on her own,
Not true. People who are unable to support themselves due to disability are often able to get by living on their own with a little help here and there from friends and family.
It isn't just able to work. Like could we put her in a sweat shop and get her to make a couple purses a day? Sure. But could she make a livable wage, keep a job long term so she can lock down benefits, etc? That is the real issues at play.
She doesn't *just* have a physical disability with her arms (we don't know what extent that is, I didn't see people claim to know that). She has autism. Autism often comes with psychological struggles (depression, anxiety, etc), but also with executive functioning deficits. Again we don't know to what extent the girl is affected. But it is a significant factor in the original questions.
Last edited by HighFlyingBird; 11-05-2016 at 05:23 PM..
Not true. People who are unable to support themselves due to disability are often able to get by living on their own with a little help here and there from friends and family.
It isn't just able to work. Like could we put her in a sweat shop and get her to make a couple purses a day? Sure. But could she make a livable wage, keep a job long term, etc? That is the real issues at play.
She doesn't *just* have a physical disability with her arms (we don't know what extent that is, I didn't see people claim to know that). She has autism. Autism often comes with psychological struggles (depression, anxiety, etc), but also with executive functioning deficits. Again we don't know to what extent the girl is affected. But it is a significant factor in the original questions.
I agree with all of this....especially giving her a small, easily doable job in your business. I'd missed the family business in an earlier post but this is obviously something to consider. It would fill her time and is "sheltered" - something YOU can help with where it would be very difficult to find something "sheltered" out in the community. That means YOU can tailor it to fit her and accommodate her issues which is something most regular employers would not put up with. If you have it within your power to do this then DO it!
That's one of my favorite ideas! Working in the shop will raise her self esteem, and make her feel as though she is contributing to society and to her family's business.
Her family should absolutely "put up" with her differences in abilities - and you are right reneeh63, they have the power to tweak the duties to the daughter's strengths and weaknesses.
I still feel that the OP, her husband and step-daughter should receive some form of family therapy with a competent counselor.
Judging from this thread, many people are unaware of the other disabilities that can go along with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Some co-mobidities are almost always present. Social anxiety general anxiety and OCD are common.
In terms of her restricted use of her arms, we don't know if this is a congenital disorder, or occurred as a result of an accident. Sen. John McCain was tortured as a prisoner of war in Vietnam. He is unable to raise his arms above a certain height.
That doesn't mean he can't write, use a computer, or eat with a knife and fork.
Similarly, the people who are complaining about the OP's step daughter's smoking and video game use, are not taking into account that the young woman may be perfectly able to use her hands.
It is the psychological stress of working in the competitive work arena that might prove to be inconsistent with her autism spectrum disorder.
Yes, it's common knowledge. That doesn't mean "everyone" knows it, but most people do. So it's common. No nursing degree is required to know this.
I never said that a nursing degree was necessary - I sure don't have one! ...but if people are upset that she's spending money on cigarettes it's a pretty fair bet they don't know how many people with mental illness or mental disabilities actually smoke. Most things that we assume are common knowledge just because "we" know them aren't really that commonly known.
There was actually no need for you to even make such a statement in the first place if it was truly common knowledge other than to slam the nurse for "stating the obvious".
My son is autistic and he is an adult who lives by himself with a little bit of assistance. He has something with his hands which is a low muscle tone thing. You would think I would know what it is called but nobody ever told me. He can't do everything well, that a regular person can do. His handwriting looks like chicken scratch but he is beyond excellent at video games. Don't ask me how or why he can do that with precision and he can't wash a dish properly but that is how it is. It is a very autistic thing to be excellent in one area and pathetic in another. Smoking and video games can be done with ease but she could have a problem sweeping. We don't really know her specific problems because 'Aspergers' is a very vague term to use when describing a disability.
We know that Social Security declared her totally disabled so that is a clue. Disability needs to be proven and a label of Aspergers is not proof. She has areas of difficulty that are significant or she wouldn't qualify.
My son has a donated apartment so he can live on what he gets, but he doesn't have anything extra. If he had to pay rent then he wouldn't have a cent to buy food, or to ride the bus. The numbers don't add up to being self supporting on SSI. How could he watch her living in poverty when he and his lovely bride are living in comfort?
This could be a normal adult who is underemployed. We live in a high cost of living area and it isn't easy for anybody to afford housing. Even a fully functioning adult child might need to be subsidized. The point is that the step-wife objects to the husband's spending money on his child..He didn't send her to an expensive University for a college education which is typical. He didn't throw her a lavish wedding. Why can't he spend money on her?
Other parents spend money on their adult children who aren't disabled. Lots of money.
Last edited by Veronicka; 11-05-2016 at 06:38 PM..
I think most people are reacting more to the lack of support that the OP displays towards her adult step-daughter. The upset over the funding by Dad is just part of the symptoms of that lack of empathy or support by the OP. No opinions can change the heart of the OP.
Curious OP....Did you marry into this business when you married your husband? Because if you did, IMO you have absolutely no say in what he does to support his daughter.
.Oh good grief. Her Dad was her Dad long before you were in the picture. Let this go.
It is none of your business. Do not guilt this man for taking care of his daughter. Maybe what you bring in can help subsidize his contribution to his daughter.
And, calling yourself her stepmother when you have this attitude is insulting to stepmothers who really do give a d.a.m.n about their stepkids.
If you cared you'd be asking about her disabilities and how you could help her live a more independent life.....Not begrudging her Dad assisting her with what probably amounts to basic needs over the piddly ssdi monthly amount.
Yes....You are being a wicked stepmother...Very uncaring imo
University. Lots of us parents are paying back loans of $500 a month or more....or cashed out savings to send kids to college
Yup $386 a month for attorney son and DD starts medical school in 2017...let the games begin...
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