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I am so confused. You are 42 and expect your father to respect you? How about you respect him? I would never visit my mother and expect her to do anything for me. I would be helping her, seeing what she needs and doing things for her! He is 80, it is your turn to help out. Wow.
No, I don't. It's just I think he should be nice and respectful.
How old are you? Your father is 80 years old. YOU should doing things for HIM not the other way around. If anybody is disrespectful it comes across as YOU.
A lot of people are like this at 80. They slow down, want to stay home, might seem grizzly, and keep to routine. It's natural. Some stay very active and social. It can be a bit of an adjustment when your parent gets like this (especially at a distance, it feels sudden). You'll have a better time if you don't take this personal and respect his need for quiet visits.
How old are you? Your father is 80 years old. YOU should doing things for HIM not the other way around. If anybody is disrespectful it comes across as YOU.
I wanted to point something it. I am assuming that the house is in your father's name and that while you may have grown up there, your father has lived there by himself for many years. So, in a way it still is your family home but primarily is your father's home. It is an interesting distinction. Just something else to consider.
My siblings and I visited our elderly parents often, both to assist with caregiving when our mother was alive, and to assist him after her death. Of course, it was mostly because we loved them and enjoyed their company.
I remember once when I visited, I noticed that my dad had several new 8 by 10, framed photographs of some of his grandchildren & godchildren sitting on the coffee table with a hammer and picture hangers. I assumed that he had been planning to put them up so I decided to "help". There were a number of older pictures up that I didn't like as much, so I took down a couple pictures and put the new ones up.
I thought that I was being helpful, but when my dad came home, he was pretty upset He pointed out that it was his house and he got to decide which photographs went up on the walls and where they should go. It was not that he was angry as much as that I has overstepped the boundaries of the child/parent relationship. He said that at my house I got to make those decisions and at his house he got to make the same decisions.
BTW, I was in my early 40s at the time and my dad was also about 80. I had moved away from home almost 25 years earlier, so while it was still "my family home" in some ways it was definitely " my parent's home" in most ways.
I wanted to point something it. I am assuming that the house is in your father's name and that while you may have grown up there, your father has lived there by himself for many years. So, in a way it still is your family home but primarily is your father's home. It is an interesting distinction. Just something else to consider.
My siblings and I visited our elderly parents often, both to assist with caregiving when our mother was alive, and to assist him after her death. Of course, it was mostly because we loved them and enjoyed their company.
I remember once when I visited, I noticed that my dad had several new 8 by 10, framed photographs of some of his grandchildren & godchildren sitting on the coffee table with a hammer and picture hangers. I assumed that he had been planning to put them up so I decided to "help". There were a number of older pictures up that I didn't like as much, so I took down a couple pictures and put the new ones up.
I thought that I was being helpful, but when my dad came home, he was pretty upset He pointed out that it was his house and he got to decide which photographs went up on the walls and where they should go. It was not that he was angry as much as that I has overstepped the boundaries of the child/parent relationship. He said that at my house I got to make those decisions and at his house he got to make the same decisions.
BTW, I was in my early 40s at the time and my dad was also about 80. I had moved away from home almost 25 years earlier, so while it was still "my family home" in some ways it was definitely " my parent's home" in most ways.
Parents should be out to satisfy kids. i don't really like my family to be honest, they don't help me, my bro is selfish, he does his own thing and doesn't tell me his hobbies or interests. he dates and even goes to clubs/strippers and is an academic and has a friends with benefits and i hate that, he needs to be more chaste.
and i tell my mother about how my dad doesn't take me out, and she is nice and empathises.
You have a great many unusual opinions and firm judgments about how you think interpersonal relationships, family and otherwise, should be.
You keep starting topics asking if this or that is "weird" or "wrong," however, you don't like the replies you are getting. Your focus is always on the other person – father, brother, "hot women" – they're all doing something wrong in your eyes. It has not occurred to you to look at yourself at all nor do you want to evidently.
Did you feel this way before your religious conversion?
You are not a "kid" and haven't been one for a long time. The examples you have given us show you to be highly judgmental and lacking introspection. Especially when it comes to thinking that your 80-year-old father should be catering to your whims until he goes to his grave. You're 42. I'm having a difficult time seeing why your family would like you much either.
Well, a parent should help their child. A 42 year old is not a child.
Quote:
Originally Posted by anglonorseman
i don't really like my family to be honest, they don't help me.
You are 42 years old. Why should your parents and family "help you" especially if you don't like them?
Perhaps, you should not visit them as often.
Quote:
Originally Posted by anglonorseman
my bro is selfish, he does his own thing and doesn't tell me his hobbies or interests. he dates and even goes to clubs/strippers and is an academic and has a friends with benefits and i hate that, he needs to be more chaste.
.
Your brother is an adult. He can live his life the way that he chooses to life his life. He does NOT need to be more chaste, just because his brother disagrees with his life style.
Quote:
Originally Posted by anglonorseman
and i tell my mother about how my dad doesn't take me out, and she is nice and empathises.
How old is your mother? Does she still take you to movies and things like that?
How often do you go home to visit one or the other of your parents?
Perhaps, you could stay in your own apartment for the next few weekends. Go to holiday parties and the movies with your friends and co-workers. Visit your parents for Christmas.
Of course, if you are disabled or have special needs, it may be a different situation.
You have a great many unusual opinions and firm judgments about how you think interpersonal relationships, family and otherwise, should be.
You keep starting topics asking if this or that is "weird" or "wrong," however, you don't like the replies you are getting. Your focus is always on the other person – father, brother, "hot women" – they're all doing something wrong in your eyes. It has not occurred to you to look at yourself at all nor do you want to evidently.
Did you feel this way before your religious conversion?
You are not a "kid" and haven't been one for a long time. The examples you have given us show you to be highly judgmental and lacking introspection. Especially when it comes to thinking that your 80-year-old father should be catering to your whims until he goes to his grave. You're 42. I'm having a difficult time seeing why your family would like you much either.
"To be honest."
I feel i should be allowed to do what I want, how I want, and for me to be free in my familial house.
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