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Old 12-08-2016, 11:23 AM
 
Location: Forest bathing
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ABUSE. I was beaten on my bare bottom with a thick leather police belt. It taught me nothing but hate for the abuser my stepfather.
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Old 12-08-2016, 11:30 AM
 
Location: Forest bathing
3,184 posts, read 2,445,291 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carolina Knight View Post
Children need to be raised with discipline. Doing right is what they should be doing. Doing wrong should be dealt with consequences.

The belt is effective. If a child does something bad, he or she needs to accept punishment and never do the shenanigan again.
Huh, what? I was the red headed stepchild. My dad didn't pay child support. We were very poor. Out of frustration and because my mother said I was mouthy, I was severely beaten by a very thick leather police belt on my bare bottom. It was very humiliating and taught me nothing but hatred.
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Old 12-08-2016, 11:34 AM
 
1,413 posts, read 1,277,801 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phyxius View Post
The type of parents we see today are people who do nothing at all. Some parents today encourage poor behavior from their children because the parents don't know how to act. You have people who have no business raising a child.
There have been bad parents since the beginning of time. I don't think most parents today do nothing at all. And doing "something" doesn't need to be physical punishment.

Still, I would say the parent who beats the snot out of their child is worse than the one who does nothing at all.
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Old 12-08-2016, 11:40 AM
 
3,422 posts, read 3,313,665 times
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Originally Posted by clikrf8 View Post
ABUSE. I was beaten on my bare bottom with a thick leather police belt. It taught me nothing but hate for the abuser my stepfather.
Was your stepfather a policeman? He of all people should have known better!
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Old 12-08-2016, 01:49 PM
 
Location: The analog world
17,077 posts, read 13,262,776 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsRick24 View Post
Like many others, I got whooped with the belt as a kid - but only if I did something really bad.

I'm a CPS worker, yet I still believe strongly in disciplining children. I've never used the belt on my own daughter when she was small; I did swat her a couple times (with my hand). But your opinion here...
Belt - discipline? Or abuse?
My opinion: unequivocally abuse. I have never raised my hand to my children, but I can accept that some parents feel differently. The use of tools, however, reduces the feedback loop. It's difficult to judge force when using a belt or paddle, which can easily lead to serious physical harm.
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Old 12-08-2016, 02:00 PM
 
2,813 posts, read 2,098,668 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phyxius View Post
The type of parents we see today are people who do nothing at all. Some parents today encourage poor behavior from their children because the parents don't know how to act. You have people who have no business raising a child.
I don't see the type of parents you describe. And I'm around a LOT of parents.

I'm sure they're out there, but not nearly as prevalent as your post suggests.
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Old 12-08-2016, 02:07 PM
 
Location: The analog world
17,077 posts, read 13,262,776 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phyxius View Post
The type of parents we see today are people who do nothing at all. Some parents today encourage poor behavior from their children because the parents don't know how to act. You have people who have no business raising a child.
Sure, but her point stands. Discipline is the guiding one's child toward more appropriate behaviors. One need not hit to discipline. I know lots of people with well-behaved children who have never raised a hand to them.
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Old 12-08-2016, 04:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
If you're being beaten to the point that you have to strip to your underwear so your mom can check for bruises before you go for your visitation weekend with your dad, that's abuse. If your mom is dragging you to the ground by your hair and kicking you in the back until you pee yourself, that's abuse. If she pushes you outside, rips off your clothes and locks you out, that's abuse. If you don't get to see a doctor after you're sexually assaulted or report the assault to the police (because it doesn't happen to nice girls) that's also abuse. And then you tell a teacher or call the police because you need help, and your mother acts like you're making things up for attention.

I know what I went through in my childhood, and what happened to my husband. Calling it abuse because it was abuse helps us to acknowledge that it was wrong and that it shouldn't have happened to us. It gives us the power to raise our children without the fear, shame and guilt that abused children have to live with.

I don't think I really quit loving my mother until recently. As I raise my own children and I see that it's not difficult to give the the love and guidance and basic necessities that I didn't get, it makes me angrier with my mother. I was a good kid. She didn't have to do that to me. She chose to do it.

Yes, that does sound like abuse. I am sorry you experienced that. And yes, if it left lasting scars - mental or physical - then you should certainly label it as abuse!


But, in my case, I don't view what I went through as 'abuse' - it was merely the discipline method of the day. I had red marks but I do not recall 'bruises'. I can't say it was a fun experience but it didn't harm me at all long term. I am sure that 10 whacks on the backside was probably a bit more than some kids got mind you, but I was not dragged anywhere.


My father DID lock me outside for a night (twice actually) .. the first time I spent the night in the car and the second time, a neighbour made up a bed for me. I am not sure that is a good thing at all - but again, I survived and even that, in MY case, I would not call 'abuse'. My father was pretty strict and I can't say I was the very easiest child in the world to raise - we, as he would say, 'clashed' a lot.


As soon as I reached my early 20s I think it was I forgave him for doing what nowadays some people (not me) might view as abuse - because I know what he was trying to do and while he did 'beat' us I guess, it was never so bad as to cause bruises or scars as I said. I think that is probably when I finally started loving him, not stopped. Not sure I felt the same while he was actually disciplining me through my childhood though.


My story was about ME, not you. Again, I am so very sorry (not that I had anything to do with it) for you. I am also glad I was not in your family - though you may have an easier time if I had been because I might have been the primary focus, not you - since you were a good kid ... and even I didn't think I was a good kid most of the time. I pouted a lot and would not cooperate. I was what I would sarcastically call, a 'charming child' I know. No idea why I did that .. but I am glad I don't do 'that' any more.


But, that said, I don't think that ANY time one is hit with an object other than a hand, even if more than once, etc. it has to be classed as abuse. Sometimes obviously it can be and is .. other times not.

Last edited by Aery11; 12-08-2016 at 04:40 PM..
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Old 12-08-2016, 04:55 PM
 
1,431 posts, read 906,227 times
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All of my coworkers got whooped except for one, who is coincidentally the "entitled" outcast everyone generally avoids talking to. Go figure.
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Old 12-08-2016, 06:16 PM
 
13,975 posts, read 25,825,509 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veezybell View Post
All of my coworkers got whooped except for one, who is coincidentally the "entitled" outcast everyone generally avoids talking to. Go figure.
Meaningless. Discipline and punishment are two different things. Parents who don't impose some discipline do their children no favors, and then resort to punishment to right their own wrong.
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