Paying for the Wedding? (adults, raise, sister, kids)
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When my friend told me that, I was absolutely shocked but she said that she was raised to believe that "weddings are FOR the BRIDE'S PARENTS not for the bride and groom. And, that when she had a daughter who was getting married she would have a chance to make all of the decisions for the wedding". We lost touch over the years, but I wonder how that worked out for her.
Southern weddings are like that when the bride and groom's parents are affluent.
At my BFFs wedding, the bride and groom only knew those in the wedding party and a handful of others and 500 people attended. The wedding was definitely for her parents and his parents.
But what's wrong with that? It's their money, that they worked for, they get to spend it how they want.
They didn't leave the daughter at home, they paid for her to come along, just like they did their other 3 kids, so it's not as if this older daughter is getting short changed.
I'd pick Europe over a lavish wedding anyday.
Not to mention having 3 kids starting college in the next 3-4 years is a huge financial shift. They're not even saying they won't help, just that right now they can't help that much but might be able to later.
As for their feelings about their future SIL, I'm inclined to agree that I'd be highly offended and angry that he actually told me he knows I can for the wedding. That's rude and inappropriate, at 28 he should know this.
Exactly! Did the bride-to-be get engaged before the trip she enjoyed at her parent's expense? I don't think so.
We have three sons. Our eldest was given a drop in the bucket towards his wedding, but that drop was $10,000. The bride's family is very wealthy. We are not wealthy, and we were committed to paying all the college expenses for our sons. It's STILL thrown in our faces ( by DIL), that we cheaped out.
My parents paid for my wedding, but I don't think it exceeded $10,000, it was likely far less since we married 30+ years ago.
I am grateful to my parents, my son seemed grateful to us at the time, but my other boys, seeing how contentious the whole "who pays for what" became, will probably opt for small, casual affairs.
Almost every wedding I've been involved with was like that, except for the part about the couple only inviting 3 people each. Usually both sets of parents make out the guest list, allow for many if not all friends of the couple, and split EVERYTHING down the middle.
There are business obligations, social obligations, family obligations. I am sure the bridal couple didn't complain when they opened the gifts from people many they had never met.
Every thread about weddings turns into the same thing. "Use the money for a house". I can't remember the last time I knew anyone getting married that did not have at least one. " don't go into debt," I never knew anyone that did for a wedding.
I have never heard of a wedding where that was done, though I'll hedge my bets and say that I'm sure that's happened. When my DD and her fiance married 4 years ago, her now husband's parents did not offer to pay for any part of the wedding ceremony or reception. They did however pay for an informal reception on Thursday night at a motel where a lot of people were staying for whoever wanted to attend; the Friday rehearsal dinner at a very nice restaurant for everyone from out of town including people not in the wedding party such as my nephew and his girlfriend; and they gave a brunch the Sunday after for anyone who wanted to attend.
The couple wanted a small-ish wedding and we complied. We didn't invite some of our friends I would have liked to have invited. Groom's family was from out of town, didn't invite a lot of their friends either. The couple got to invite whichever of their friends they wanted. Groom's mom is from a large family and there are lots of cousins on his side, who were all invited.
Miss Manners has said parents shouldn't use a wedding to pay back business obligations. I interpret that to mean not to invite people from work you are not involved with socially, particularly if the reason for the invite is "good for business". Certainly, some of the parents' friends may be from work.
Honest question since it's 2016 and the future SIL seems so comfortable asking you for money, if his parents could afford FOUR lavish weddings, why won't they pay for his?
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"Full time traveler? Maybe?"
(set 9 days ago)
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Thread blew up, no we never planned for a wedding there is only so much money not a endless pot.
College
Family vacation (last year was the biggest one last time all together)
Wifes dad is older that is already allotted for.
It is what it is........as I said in the first post their is no one who has ever had a "wedding" in our family. Always a small backyard event or justice of the peace.
Weddings were never very important "the party" piece at least.
College and family time always was. We will offer what we can if she wants to wait 1-2 years we can offer more obviously.
Honest question since it's 2016 and the future SIL seems so comfortable asking you for money, if his parents could afford FOUR lavish weddings, why won't they pay for his?
It is not clear from the OP that the future SIL has even discussed this with the OP. The quote is " "Your parents can afford it!"" which implies he has said that to the DD, who repeated it to her dad. Maybe it's her way of wheedling a fancier wedding out of dad that he was wanting to pay for.
Thread blew up, no we never planned for a wedding there is only so much money not a endless pot.
College
Family vacation (last year was the biggest one last time all together)
Wifes dad is older that is already allotted for.
It is what it is........as I said in the first post their is no one who has ever had a "wedding" in our family. Always a small backyard event or justice of the peace.
Weddings were never very important "the party" piece at least.
College and family time always was. We will offer what we can if she wants to wait 1-2 years we can offer more obviously.
Thanks for the varying views.
Thank you for updating.
I wonder what will happen? Will DD and BF plan a very simple wedding that they can afford? Will DD & BF start to work second jobs to save up money? Will they postpone the wedding until they can afford to pay for the wedding of their dreams (perhaps, with a little help from both sets of parents)?
I hope that it is one of the above. And, not the "plan" listed below.
Or, will they continue to pressure you and/or his parents for more money because they believe that they are entitled to a large wedding?
When they told us that they had selected a wedding date, the future groom said "I know that dating for 14 years before getting married is unusual, but when you plan to be together until "death do you part" it is really just a "blink of an eye" in your lifetime." They showed great maturity.
Status:
"Full time traveler? Maybe?"
(set 9 days ago)
76 posts, read 91,243 times
Reputation: 53
@germaine, tons of maturity!!
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