Sister in law won't let my wife watch their kids (day care, playing)
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I swore one of GoodSchools comments in a post here said 4yrs.
Disregard though as now I can find no mention of length of time married.
We can't both be smoking the same thing. I will swear that in the original post, he said something like " 4 years ago, I married this wonderful woman with 4 grown kids"
Now I go back and it's not there. I do know that sometimes, if a post is edited soon after posting, it doesn't show edited.
On the other hand, we really could be seeing the same crazy things...hahaha
Well, since OP has admitted that he or she posts from the point of view of different people in different threads, all the while claiming to be that person, who knows if he or she is even the person they are referencing in this post. So maybe they aren't even married, who knows!
After a bad divorce a few years ago, I met a really great woman who has 4 adult children of her own from a previous marriage. She really loves kids and is an excellent mother. She brings their kids presents when we visit and always makes it a point to talk to them and sit with them. She even helps get their plates ready and does so much to help out. She totally understands what it is like to have young children. Every time she asks my brothers wife when she can have their kids over to our house for either a sleep over or go to take them somewhere (like a playground, movie, etc) the excuse is she has to ask her husband and ultimately the answer is always pushed off and not really answered. At a recent family gathering she asks my sister in front of her husband (my brother) and he didn't seem to mind but she chimes in and stated that they have plans the few days that my wife suggested. She then excused himself from the table and my wife felt very offended but left it at that. The rest of the time was fine, but whenever the conversation shifts to the kids, my brothers wife gets very uncomfortable (you can see it on her face). My wife is an excellent caregiver and has so much experience with children. She just wants their children to be comfortable with her because she really misses when her kids were that age, and after all they are her nieces and nephew. Now that the holiday season is here, my wife wants to take the kids Christmas shopping at the mall and to see Santa. I am not sure the correct way for us to approach them in regards to this. I asked my brother awhile back if there was a problem between his wife and my wife and he said he didn't think so. My wife really wants to call her and point blank ask if she just doesn't trust her or what the deal is. My wife is very trustworthy and it really irks her that there is this doubt cast upon her. Any advice would be appreciated.
Your wife doesn't have a right to babysit other people's kids even if they are related. By the way, the children are not your wife's (or friend's wife or whomever) nieces and nephews, they are yours ( or your friend's).
The biggest problem I see her if that your wife (or whoever) send to think it's her right to take other people's kids willy nilly and any refusal must be explained by the parents...Emma... Just no!
I don't even understand the need to take someone else's kids for a sleepover. Or all these outings. The mother simply doesn't want this and your wife seems to want to browbeat her into submission. She owes your wife no explanation. That definitely wouldn't work with me and I would have said something ages ago to your wife to tell her to stop.
Fine, your wife misses having young kids, its neither the children's or their parents jobs to make your wife feel better. She can foster children or become a big sister to the multitude of kids who really would appreciate all the stuff that she seems to want to do with other people's kids.
In my opinion, it's really all very weird! If one is told no once, a word should be enough for the wise but apparently not.
She doesn't need to take the kids for that to happen.
Taking the kids to the mall to see Santa? That's something parents do, not the aunt who doesn't know how to take no for an answer. They don't need to explain themselves to you.
Why give support and/or advice to someone who cant be honest?
Yep, totally weird that someone on an online forum doesn't know that people's personas are somewhat known. For instance, in the forums that I frequent, I sometimes read a post any can guess who the poster is if it's a frequent poster. So it's a bit disconcerting when today the person is a she, tomorrow he, today married, tomorrow widowed the instance.
It may be that your wife needs to back off. Just because you married her, doesn't mean that your SIL is all for her having her kids alone.
Many people do not like to leave their children with others....you and your wife should just respect that and not make it into a big deal because your wife is personalizing it.
The more she takes offense, the least likely your SIL is gonna to give in. They are her children, she really doesn't owe anyone an explanation.
Yep, totally weird that someone on an online forum doesn't know that people's personas are somewhat known. For instance, in the forums that I frequent, I sometimes read a post any can guess who the poster is if it's a frequent poster. So it's a bit disconcerting when today the person is a she, tomorrow he, today married, tomorrow widowed the instance.
But to each their own
I guess to each their own. I wont lie, I change a few details about who I am. Nothing super important, but enough its harder to figure out who I am.
I do that for a couple reasons..
1) because my family has enough unique features that someone could figure out who I am
2) when I was 19, I gave enough personal info out that a man (12 years older) was able to find me and actually stalk me. So I try to be extra careful.
But I am honest about 99.5% of the info I give because if I ask of advice, I want it to mean something. And if I give advice, I want it to mean something.
Who knows the reason, but she's entitled to say no for any reason.
Have you tried asking your brother? Does his wife typically leave the kids alone with other people?
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