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Just curious -- have you talked to an occupational therapist about his sensory defensiveness? The only reason I ask is that, in the first grade, my son's teacher thought he was "ADD" and recommended a psychologist, who concurred, and suggested talking to his pediatrician to get a Ritalin prescription. It was all so matter-of-fact, and I dug my heels in, because I was not convinced that he was ADHD -- he had friends who were, and he simply was not -- he could attend to tasks for long periods of time (complex Lego sets, Cub scout activities, etc.) But he had been a difficult baby (loud noises would completely unhinge him, very, very picky eater, terrified by playing outdoors on swings, afraid of bees, fires, etc.) At the same time, we had visited an occupational therapist to work on small motor skills (he was also somewhat delayed with large motor skills.) This therapist was truly life-changing -- she correctly diagnosed him with sensory defensiveness, and devised a course of treatment that made all the difference in the world for him. As she said, "If he's not sensory defensiveness, the treatment won't hurt him, but if he is, you'll see a huge difference." And she was right! Within a couple of months, he went from barely reading basic "see Dick run" type books to devouring Hardy Boy series books (reading has a lot of motor skills, who knew?) He went from being in the last 10% in reading to reading 2-3 years ahead of grade within a year. He eventually played soccer for 10 years, and lettered in soccer, swimming and cross-country in high school. He received a full scholarship to one of the top 20 universities in the US, was president of his fraternity, and is now enjoying life living on his own in a demanding career, while enjoying triathlons, marathons and playing recreational football, volleyball and a social kickball team. In other words, he mastered his motor skills. :-)
Your son sounds more severe than my son was -- but I'm wondering if occupational therapy might be something that he would benefit from?
This doesn't solve your problem as a caregiver, but I respectfully disagree that you need to sacrifice your life to your son's disorder. It's easy to say, "It's only six years", but that's a long time to do nothing but work and manage your son's disorder. He may be even MORE attached in 6 years -- then what? His disorder is not life-threatening -- it's not as if he will die if medications aren't administered correctly or a breathing tube gets clogged. Yout goal is to get someone in place that your son can learn to trust. It might be worth asking at school if any of the special needs therapists or assistants are interested in working occasionally for a few hours here and there to give you a bit of a break. Frankly, though, if my son told me that he was going to deliberately misbehave, I'd be very tempted to tell him that I would deliberately discipline him, but in reality, I think you're looking at implementing some form of positive discipline -- acceptable behavior = desirable outcome of reward.
I wish you the best in finding a solution to this problem.
Just curious -- have you talked to an occupational therapist about his sensory defensiveness? The only reason I ask is that, in the first grade, my son's teacher thought he was "ADD" and recommended a psychologist, who concurred, and suggested talking to his pediatrician to get a Ritalin prescription. It was all so matter-of-fact, and I dug my heels in, because I was not convinced that he was ADHD -- he had friends who were, and he simply was not -- he could attend to tasks for long periods of time (complex Lego sets, Cub scout activities, etc.) But he had been a difficult baby (loud noises would completely unhinge him, very, very picky eater, terrified by playing outdoors on swings, afraid of bees, fires, etc.) At the same time, we had visited an occupational therapist to work on small motor skills (he was also somewhat delayed with large motor skills.) This therapist was truly life-changing -- she correctly diagnosed him with sensory defensiveness, and devised a course of treatment that made all the difference in the world for him. As she said, "If he's not sensory defensiveness, the treatment won't hurt him, but if he is, you'll see a huge difference." And she was right! Within a couple of months, he went from barely reading basic "see Dick run" type books to devouring Hardy Boy series books (reading has a lot of motor skills, who knew?) He went from being in the last 10% in reading to reading 2-3 years ahead of grade within a year. He eventually played soccer for 10 years, and lettered in soccer, swimming and cross-country in high school. He received a full scholarship to one of the top 20 universities in the US, was president of his fraternity, and is now enjoying life living on his own in a demanding career, while enjoying triathlons, marathons and playing recreational football, volleyball and a social kickball team. In other words, he mastered his motor skills. :-)
Your son sounds more severe than my son was -- but I'm wondering if occupational therapy might be something that he would benefit from?
This doesn't solve your problem as a caregiver, but I respectfully disagree that you need to sacrifice your life to your son's disorder. It's easy to say, "It's only six years", but that's a long time to do nothing but work and manage your son's disorder. He may be even MORE attached in 6 years -- then what? His disorder is not life-threatening -- it's not as if he will die if medications aren't administered correctly or a breathing tube gets clogged. Yout goal is to get someone in place that your son can learn to trust. It might be worth asking at school if any of the special needs therapists or assistants are interested in working occasionally for a few hours here and there to give you a bit of a break. Frankly, though, if my son told me that he was going to deliberately misbehave, I'd be very tempted to tell him that I would deliberately discipline him, but in reality, I think you're looking at implementing some form of positive discipline -- acceptable behavior = desirable outcome of reward.
I wish you the best in finding a solution to this problem.
Thank you.
He went to OT for around 2 years I think it was. They improved his motor skills a lot. He went from basically only using a spoon when eating (he was refusing to eat with a fork for some unknown reason) to now being able to cut a steak and eat it in the formal style. He "graduated" from the program, the therapist said there was nothing more that she could do for him at a certain point.
He was in Cub Scouts and joined Boy Scouts but he finally told me he didn't like it. He was in soccer for 3 years but he also didn't like it. The coach said that he is the fastest person on the team so I'm hoping to get him to try out for track next year.
Asperger's runs in my family, pretty strongly. My brothers and I had no problem with my dad's divorce or his remarriage. But my sister, the youngest, was about 12 and it really damaged the relationship he had with her. In retrospect, it would have been better if he waited until we were all through puberty before he started dating other women.
Us older kids didn't have any problem with him remarrying, even though it drove our mom crazy, because we thought it was natural that he'd want female companionship.
BUT, we did start having problems when he let her dictate the house rules and expected us kids to make huge changes to accommodate her. It sounds like your son doesn't like change either, so this could be a problem for him too.
So based on personal experience, I recommend holding off on dating until he's old enough to understand romantic relationships, and try to find women that will not expect you to make any changes that will have an impact on him. He probably won't care if you change the way you dress, but he won't be happy if you change the house rules or your sociopolitical beliefs to suit hers.
That's good to know. There are little micro-changes I see week to week that show a slightly better understanding.
When my parents divorced and my mom started dating again, I wanted her to be "happy" and so when she dated other men I encouraged it. I was in college, however.
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