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Old 01-04-2017, 07:30 AM
Status: "Miami for the week." (set 3 days ago)
Location: Northern VA (for now)
22,544 posts, read 31,353,272 times
Reputation: 29601


Originally Posted by convextech View Post
I would like to congratulate your son on getting away from such controlling people.
Which will probably explain why he is done with Christianity too. The religion was probably used as a tool to control him also.
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Old 01-04-2017, 07:39 AM
10,033 posts, read 7,131,682 times
Reputation: 17441
It's heartbreaking to have a child sever ties for whatever reason. I'm not really seeing that here, though. I'm seeing him deciding he would rather live in Europe than the USA. Something that you (1) have to deal with and (2) can use as an excuse to travel.

What is your native country? Are you immigrants? If so then I think it's natural for a young person to gravitate towards their roots.
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Old 01-04-2017, 07:44 AM
12,830 posts, read 12,046,221 times
Reputation: 36519

You're just sad your son didn't drink the Kool-Aid you'd been trying to feed him for years. This is what happens when you do that - you lose your adult child.
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Old 01-04-2017, 08:16 AM
1,287 posts, read 954,969 times
Reputation: 4092
If this post is real, your child is a grown man now and it's time he leads his own life. If you want a relationship with him in the future you have to accept his choices even if you don't agree with them.
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Old 01-04-2017, 08:21 AM
2,346 posts, read 1,192,381 times
Reputation: 2599
I can understand being sad that he's so far away but I don't think he's intentionally doing any of it to hurt you. I've had several friends move overseas in their 20s only to come back in their 30s. It was hard on their parents but they were supportive and visited when they could and vice versa. With facetime you can stay in touch and you just have to trust that you raised him well now that he's spreading his wings. His relationship is over, you have to accept that too. There may not have been a big reason, they just could have realized they weren't meant to spend the rest of their lives together. Or maybe they'll get back together down the road, who knows.

FWIW I moved across the country in my early 20s only to move back to my hometown after getting married. It could happen to him too.
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Old 01-04-2017, 08:31 AM
4,745 posts, read 2,811,316 times
Reputation: 16125
I think people are knee-jerk reacting to your post and a few trigger words for them. Perhaps some of your respondents have had similar personal issues on the other end and it's still unfinished for them.

As I read it I thought there was a lot "between the lines" that you weren't saying that may have helped us understand your point of view better. You are certainly receiving some pretty harsh one-sided judgment.

As a mother I understand your emotional reaction and know that it is a normal one. How you choose to act upon those emotions is what's important.

It is very difficult to let go of a child and also a necessary thing for their healthy development.
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Old 01-04-2017, 10:21 AM
2,028 posts, read 2,434,697 times
Reputation: 3340
I am somewhat shocked when I hear parents of adult children speak this way. Your son is his own man, his thoughts, his life. If you want to remain in his life, you need to accept his lifestyle, not insist he accept yours.

Get a dog if you want a lifetime dependent.
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Old 01-04-2017, 10:36 AM
10,081 posts, read 6,276,568 times
Reputation: 23642
Well, I'll bite.

Advice. If you want a relationship with your son, start treating him like he is his own person with the good sense to make his own decisions. Support his decisions, listen to him, be interested in his life. Accept he is an adult.

Honestly, he sounds like he is really living an interesting life. Good for him.
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Old 01-04-2017, 11:06 AM
Location: Denver area
21,033 posts, read 21,768,049 times
Reputation: 35104
When my son was 24, he went to Europe for a month. As soon as he got back, he broken up with his long time girlfriend with very weak explanation. This was rough for us as we considers this girl to be a perfect fit for him. She was a dedicated Christian and pretty much keep my son from wandering away from the belief. They also were looking to buying a house and getting engaged right before my son left for Europe.
I pretty much stopped reading after this. The bolded in particular.

He doesn't owe you a stronger explanation for his breakup. It's not your business. If he needed someone else to keep him on a certain path, that's a problem. He's figuring his life out. Let him.
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Old 01-04-2017, 12:18 PM
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
9,764 posts, read 7,762,033 times
Reputation: 11078
Originally Posted by ylisa7 View Post
It's not your job to live "his" life. Maybe he felt like he had to get away from all the family expectations.

Try being supportive and encouraging to him in your next conversation. See how that goes.
The first part is really nice.
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