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Old 01-17-2017, 05:56 AM
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,028 posts, read 37,675,762 times
Reputation: 73636


Originally Posted by jimrich View Post
LOL, yes, working away from home got me away from those I did NOT like - my parents - so I just LOVED anything that would allow me to be away from them whenever possible. They, not me, set up all the unhappy conditions for my "attitude" about then but, just like most of the parents here, would have never noticed their parenting blunders and mistakes which inspired me to get the hell away from them whenever I could.

LOL and get AWAY FROM their judgmental/hurtful parents!

And calling it "typical teenage APATHY" instead of what it really is = BAD PARENTING also does not "help" anyone including those parents with their heads stuck in the sands of Denial about their own parenting FAILURES! Those who do "grow out of it" eventually come to see just how foolish and wrong their parents were and use that as an example of how to become BETTER than their inadequate parents so even bad examples and role modeling can HELP some kids.
Jim, your childhood is FAR from typical, not in any way similar to the situation described in the OP, and in fact was traumatic and abusive. Based on your many posts here, you still need serious professional help to work out the effects of that trauma.
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Old 01-17-2017, 10:52 AM
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 371,166 times
Reputation: 1132
Just do the best you can!
Our parents did the best they could - sometimes good, sometimes bad. Sometimes right, sometimes wrong. Us kids did the best we could with what our parents taught us. sometimes good/right and sometimes bad/wrong - just like our parents and everyone else in the world. Everyone is just doing the best they can - sometimes right/good and sometimes wrong/bad. What else can anyone do or be - including your kids?
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Old 01-17-2017, 01:24 PM
847 posts, read 444,620 times
Reputation: 3243
OP, I truly understand where you are coming from. I have a 15 yr old son who also lacks motivation in areas like sports. He tried different sports early on but just didn't have the coordination. We got him into Scouts early on and he's on track to earn his Eagle but even that involved some pushing. He's great at music (plays drums at school and church) and is very talented with music mixing programs. But beyond that he would play video games all day long if he could. My husband doesn't understand the lack of sports desire as he was huge into sports as a kid. But I think if you look at how things have changed you can understand. When I was growing up you could start a sport in middle school and play through high school with your friends. You did it for fun and also for the team aspect. Now? If you don't start by the time you are five no way will you make most high school teams. And the pressure is huge. Parents pay big money to put their kids into club-level sports all year through so that their kids will be good enough to earn college scholarships. So unless you are extremely talented sports can be a big disappointment for a kid.Also, beyond a certain age teens don't play outside anymore. I believe teen boys view video games as being a risk-free social activity since there's no point in trying to measure up in sports.
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Old 01-17-2017, 01:42 PM
Location: Tennessee
20,956 posts, read 15,275,811 times
Reputation: 23732
Not every boy is a sports enthusiasts. Kids are going to be be considerably different in what they are interested in.
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Old 01-17-2017, 08:49 PM
Location: tampa bay
6,449 posts, read 6,458,930 times
Reputation: 9482
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
Not every boy is a sports enthusiasts. Kids are going to be be considerably different in what they are interested in.
Many parents view their kids as extensions of themselves...no they aren't and sometimes when they are not it's a big ole fu to mom or dad!!!
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Old 01-18-2017, 08:18 PM
27,993 posts, read 19,647,023 times
Reputation: 16471
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Not measuring up at school or home? Lazy. Stop the money train, and tell them they need to get part-time jobs to finance their video games.

The 16 yr old needs to be thinking ahead to getting a license ( car? insurance?), as well as college if that's in the cards. And if it isn't, a well thought out plan B.

I would back off on the family activities, lots of teens find them tedious. But I wouldn't be on board with kids sitting around all day either.
I agree with this. I have lazy boys and I absolutely will not condone the behavior. I would do one family activity per month. They might not like the idea of it but family time isn't disposable either.
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Old 01-18-2017, 08:27 PM
155 posts, read 77,382 times
Reputation: 352
Originally Posted by ABQConvict View Post
Laziness, in my opinion, generally comes from one of two sources: clinical depression or lack of incentive.

With the vast majority of teenagers, it is the latter. Your boys do not find the sport fulfilling, and they cannot see the long term benefit of passing their AP exams.

It is certainly not unique to them, teenagers see the cost/benefit analysis of typical teen activities differently from adults, but if you want them to continue in thse activities as opposed to whatever else they are doing you must convince them of the intrinsic value of sport and academics or give them some other incentive like a reward for passing exams or playing sports.
I have a question - what did the teens in the 1950s do for depression and where were they ? Did they get meds for it or what did they do to survive and have one of the most productive generations yet? I am not from that time but it seems like such a better place in time than now to me. JMO
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Old 01-18-2017, 08:42 PM
4,107 posts, read 3,447,161 times
Reputation: 8179
Originally Posted by kokonutty View Post
You almost had me there - I believe the correct answer is the mother or the father.

These kids didn't get up a month ago and become aimless, they were brought up that way. The time to get kids interested in varied activities is when they are young. Expose them to as many different things as possible and see which ones click for them, then keep at them.
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Old 01-18-2017, 09:58 PM
3,583 posts, read 1,513,048 times
Reputation: 9863
A year in the Army?
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Old 01-18-2017, 10:53 PM
6,121 posts, read 3,318,365 times
Reputation: 13007
Originally Posted by turf3 View Post
A year in the Army?
Then what? AWOL?
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